Who ya gonna call?

[Guest AG/DC]

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You're inna sitchooation and you have two calls for help --- one to a past Met, one to a present Met. Who ya gonna call?

Answer with a past Met, answer with a current Met, then present a new situation.

Your neighbor has installed an illegal and substandard hockey rink next door to your front yard, and it's giving you and your wife fits. You need somebody to stay up late with you, down about 10 beers, then sneak over and do some ill-advised property damage. Who ya gonna call?

[Benjamin Grimm]

Carl Everett!

You've been sent to the house of a famous movie star to give him a massage, but when you get there, he appears to be dead. You don't have Mary Kate Olsen's phone number, just your Ultimate Mets Rolodex.

Who do you call?

[MFS62]

Frank Cashen. He helped the team rise from the dead.

You have to re-wire a room in your house. Who do you call?


Later

[Centerfield]

Former Met: Easy, Todd Pratt. Todd has done this a million times and comes up with dastardly things even you hadn't thought of.

Current Met: Harder. I guess Jose, but with him, you're the ringleader and you have to point the way for your young friend.

New Situation: Your roof needs repair...money is tight and you don't want to lay out to have it done professionally. It's hot, sunny, you have one day to get it done. Pick the two Mets you call for help.

[metirish]

Centerfield wrote: New Situation: Your roof needs repair...money is tight and you don't want to lay out to have it done professionally. It's hot, sunny, you have one day to get it done. Pick the two Jets you call for help.

Definitely I need a few Mexicans for this job

Francisco Estrada and Oliver Perez are looking for work.


You're a rich prick and your caddy never showed up, who ya gonna call.

[Guest themetfairy]

CF - you messed up on your answer. Bobby Valentine is a licensed electrician.

ON EDIT - Irish beat me fair and square, so his question rides.

[Centerfield]

Oops. I took so long mine was in answer to Edgy's original scenario. Please disregard.

[Benjamin Grimm]

Oh! I thought you preferred your electricians to be dastardly.

[Centerfield]

metirish wrote: You're a rich prick and your caddy never showed up, who ya gonna call.

Former Met: Joe McEwing

Current Met: David Wright

It's 3 a.m....you're drunk, you've run up an enormous bar tab and you realize you lost your wallet sometime during the night. You also can't drive in the state you're in. You reach into your pocket and realize you have fifty cents, enough for two phone calls. Who is most likely to come get you, settle the bar tab, and drive you home?

[Guest AG/DC]

(Too late.)

[Centerfield]

Just like with Gimme a Met, we should start calling these so we can take our time with our answer.

[DocTee]

50 cents, for what it's worth, will get you only one call these days.

[Guest themetfairy]

] It's 3 a.m....you're drunk, you've run up an enormous bar tab and you realize you lost your wallet sometime during the night. You also can't drive in the state you're in. You reach into your pocket and realize you have fifty cents, enough for two phone calls. Who is most likely to come get you, settle the bar tab, and drive you home?

Tug McGraw would have taken care of you. After all, he probably asked you the same favor once or twice.


You're planning a program for Little Leaguers on the dangers of PEDs, and you need a speaker on whom you can rely to have never touched the stuff. Whom do you call?

[soupcan]

themetfairy wrote: You're planning a program for Little Leaguers on the dangers of PEDs, and you need a speaker on whom you can rely to have never touched the stuff. Whom do you call?

Doctor K all the way.

Recreational drugs sure, but performance enhancers? I wish.


Your audition on American Idol is not going well. Paula's tapping her feet and smirking, Randy's chewing his pen and looking at Simon sideways to get an inkling of which way he should vote. Simon though is looking incredibly bored and is grabbing for the gong stick.

Who's gonna burst in and make sure you get the golden ticket to Hollywood?

[nymr83]

]Who ya gonna call?

[nymr83]

]You're planning a program for Little Leaguers on the dangers of PEDs, and you need a speaker on whom you can rely to have never touched the stuff. Whom do you call?

Rey Ordonez!

[Guest AG/DC]

Well, jees, that hit the brakes. I'm not sure how a Met could save a solo vocal performance, but Doug Flynn could strum on a guitar and get the act back in gear. A celebrity visit from Jose Reyes might also get the ratings up. I don't know any performance could be saved, though, if you actually made a phone call in the middle of it.

Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarten dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call?

[DocTee]

Kris and Anna Benson.

[Gwreck]

AG/DC wrote: Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarter dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call?

I'd think that Melvin Mora is probably pretty good at dealing with large groups of kids.

You've got a trip to Vegas planned with three of your best buddies. First-class the whole way -- nice rooms at the Bellagio, first-class plane tickets, dinner reservations, etc. One of them backs out. Who you gonna call to take his place so that you still have as good a time?

[G-Fafif]

Gwreck wrote: ="AG/DC"]Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarter dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call? I'd think that Melvin Mora is probably pretty good at dealing with large groups of kids. You've got a trip to Vegas planned with three of your best buddies. First-class the whole way -- nice rooms at the Bellagio, first-class plane tickets, dinner reservations, etc. One of them backs out. Who you gonna call to take his place so that you still have as good a time?

My buddy Izzy just got like the whole summer off and he's a madman. Plays softball with Hooters girls and everything. He'd be awesome on this trip.

But I should really get this thing on my leg looked at when I get back. It's not getting any better. Anybody know a good dermatologist?

[Fman99]

Gwreck wrote: ="AG/DC"]Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarter dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call? I'd think that Melvin Mora is probably pretty good at dealing with large groups of kids. You've got a trip to Vegas planned with three of your best buddies. First-class the whole way -- nice rooms at the Bellagio, first-class plane tickets, dinner reservations, etc. One of them backs out. Who you gonna call to take his place so that you still have as good a time?

Well if it's 1987 I'm calling Straw. He'd be down for whatever, I would think.

From the current roster it's Petey. The guy just knows how to have fun.

OK -- you're in a bind and you've got a situation where you need to have someone 'snuffed out.' Who do you call that you think is most 'connected' and can put you in touch with 'a guy?'

[metirish]

Fman99 wrote: OK -- you're in a bind and you've got a situation where you need to have someone 'snuffed out.' Who do you call that you think is most 'connected' and can put you in touch with 'a guy?'

Pete "bada bing" Falcone knows who to talk to down in Bed-Stuy.

You're a rich prick and need someone to write your biography, who ya gonna call?

[Willets Point]

metirish wrote: You're a rich prick and need someone to write your biography, who ya gonna call?

Lenny Dykstra. Granted he writes more books than he reads but he'd be perfect for ghost-writing a rich prick's bio.

You are the producer of a telenovela and need two hunky guys for a romantic sweeps week sequence. What past and current Mets are you going to cast for these guest parts.

[seawolf17]

Present? Jose "GQ" Reyes.

Past? Rey Ordonez.

Them's sexy Latino dudes.

You're producing a drag show in the Village, and two of your top queens just called in sick. Who do you call to "suit up" and fill the roles?

[Willets Point]

Too bad this is limited to Mets because Alfonso Soriano has always looked "queeny" to me.

[G-Fafif]

seawolf17 wrote: Present? Jose "GQ" Reyes. Past? Rey Ordonez. Them's sexy Latino dudes. You're producing a drag show in the Village, and two of your top queens just called in sick. Who do you call to "suit up" and fill the roles?

Lastings Milledge enjoyed his rookie hazing so much he kept the dress.

I still want to know what Met dermatologist is going to look at this thing on my leg.

[Guest Mendoza Line]

I think Doc Medich's specialty is orthopedics, but he'll still be able to do more for your leg than he did for the Mets in 1978. If you prefer a current Met, Scott Schoeneweis should be able to get you a prescription for whatever you need.

You're a football coach, and your team is playing the Patriots in the Super Bowl next week. You need security to keep Bill Belichick from filiming your secret practice sessions. Plenty of current and former Mets can use the extra cash. Who do you call?

[G-Fafif]

Ramon Castro says he's got his orders, you ain't gettin' anywhere near practice. And if you try any funny business, Charlie O'Brien is stationed on the roof with a bow and arrow.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Glendale, Ariz., Tom Coughlin is at a loss to motivate the Giants. What Met(s) can possibly deliver an inspirational talk?

[Guest AG/DC]

Shawon Dunston will whip the G-Men into a hypermotivated frenzy. The only trouble would be if they came out too keyed.

Getting into individual faces is Orlando "Don't tell me about adversity; I floated here on a takeout chicken container" Hernandez.

You thought you had an invite, but the host of the party treating you like shit has made it clear that you're not welcome. You want to cut a noxious fart --- a real A-bomb --- before you leave, but you don't have it in you. Is there a Met or two who can leave that silent killer behind on your behalf?

[Guest themetfairy]

Once again I come up with a good answer way too late, but Dr. Ron Taylor should have looked at G-FAFIF's leg.