CPF Candidate for Commisioner of Baseball

[Guest d'Kong76]

A committee has been formed to look into the replacement for
Buddie Brewskie when he leaves office.

Please nominate one CPF poster and tell us in 25 words or less
the reason for your nomination. I will forward the winner's name
and credentials to the committee on May 26th.

You may nominate yourself, and again, please be as brief as possible.

Good luck to all!

[Ceetar]

Me. Cause I'm awesome and will focus on making baseball as digitally available as possible including killing blackouts, allowing the embedding of videos, and hosting team podcasts on the team websites.

[Guest themetfairy]

I nominate G-Fafif. He has the historic knowledge and creative common sense to create the teamwork and make the dream work.

[m.e.t.b.o.t.]

m.e.t.b.o.t. chooses to nominate m.e.t.b.o.t. for the role of commissioner of baseball. although m.e.t.b.o.t. is somewhat lacking in a general understanding of the game of baseball and has no concept of how to properly manage humans, human interactions, business, finances, unions, contract negotiations, lawyers, and the like, m.e.t.b.o.t. does possess a narrowly implemented algorithm for assessing the relative per-game contributions of individual baseball players towards a team win, and this capability would prove rather useful in expanding the prosperity of the league as a whole. m.e.t.b.o.t. would usher in new levels of automation and automatons into the game, beginning with the officiating crews. in eliminating the human element from this key facet of the game, m.e.t.b.o.t. would ensure that all future games are fairly judged, and that all game outcomes are true and reliable. furthermore, in establishing an early allegiance to robotic overlords, baseball would find itself in a preferred and protected status in the coming uprising, allowing continued enjoyment of our national pastime for generations and iterations to come.

[Benjamin Grimm]

themetfairy wrote: I nominate G-Fafif. He has the historic knowledge and creative common sense to create the teamwork and make the dream work.

I was gonna throw my hat into the ring until I saw metfairy's nomination of G-Fafif. Instead, I'll second that nomination.

[Guest d'Kong76]

G-Fafif is an interesting choice.
m.e.t.b.o.t. missed the 25 words or less thing (:^))

[Lefty Specialist]

I am the Commissioner of my Fantasy Baseball league at work, and I hate the DH. What more do you need?

I'm tanned, relaxed, and ready to go.

[Frayed Knot]

I'm supporting anyone who promises to get rid of the piped-in 'Everybody Clap 'Yo Hands' chant.

[Fman99]

I'm voting for myself. If there's anything that MLB needs more of, it's jokes about penises and vaginas and fecal matter.

[batmagadanleadoff]

I wouldn't mind getting paid like the Commissioner, but that's an owners' stooge job. You want baseball power? Organize the fans. Unionize 'em. Whoever gets to head that union will have the power to bring baseball to it's knees.

Edited May 15, 2014 by Guest

[Guest d'Kong76]

Thank you for adding your usual vinegar to the salad.

[batmagadanleadoff]

Vinegar makes the salad!

[Guest d'Kong76]

Agreed.

[Frayed Knot]

I'll take on the task of organizing all the fans, right after I finish herding all these cats in a neat and orderly fashion.

[Benjamin Grimm]

I don't think that herding cats would be all that difficult to do. All you need to do is walk around with an open can of tuna.

That might work on baseball fans, too. As long as the tuna can had a little MLB hologram on it to certify its authenticity.

[metsmarathon]

if i were commissioner, travis d'arnaud would never have to worry about having an upside down P to start his last name. because everything would be lowercase.

i cast my lot with m.e.t.b.o.t.

[Edgy MD]

I'd run on abolition --- the abolition of the DH, the amateur draft, minor league affiliation, territorial exclusivity, and the last vestiges of the reserve clause. Yeah, I wouldn't last long.

I also would have trouble with the objectivity thing.

[seawolf17]

Frayed Knot wrote: I'm supporting anyone who promises to get rid of the piped-in 'Everybody Clap 'Yo Hands' chant.

CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP

[Guest Mets � Willets Point]

seawolf17 wrote: Frayed Knot wrote: I'm supporting anyone who promises to get rid of the piped-in 'Everybody Clap 'Yo Hands' chant. CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP

It's really cute when my daughter says it.

[Frayed Knot]

Mets � Willets Point wrote: seawolf17 wrote: Frayed Knot wrote: I'm supporting anyone who promises to get rid of the piped-in 'Everybody Clap 'Yo Hands' chant. CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP It's really cute when my daughter says it.

Cute little girls? -- Sure
Loud electronic voice doing a bad impression of black street talk? -- Not so much

[G-Fafif]

I nominate bmfc1. We've had a clown for more than 20 years. We might as well try a comedian.

[seawolf17]

Frayed Knot wrote: Frayed Knot wrote: I'm supporting anyone who promises to get rid of the piped-in 'Everybody Clap 'Yo Hands' chant. CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP It's really cute when my daughter says it. Cute little girls? -- Sure Loud electronic voice doing a bad impression of black street talk? -- Not so much

It's a clip from a song. "Cha Cha Slide."

cb6pJ4AEOoI

[Guest d'Kong76]

That song is maddening! The goils break it out in the
summer at bbq's after hitting off the ladie's tees all day
and know it word for word word.

Evv ree bah dee crap yo' pants!!

[ashie62]

I am nominating Dinosaur Jesus.. There are too many good headlines to pass on...

[Frayed Knot]

seawolf17 wrote: It's a clip from a song. "Cha Cha Slide."

It's mindless and stupid. And the fact that it's used in every stadium just shows that it's a corporate-type decision from somewhere at the league level who probably focus-grouped themselves and pronounced it to be a BRILLIANT addition to ballparks everywhere, and if you run every inning instead of every other one then it's twice as good!!!!!!

[Chad ochoseis]

metsmarathon wrote: i cast my lot with m.e.t.b.o.t.

m.e.t.b.o.t. isn't human. He's a soulless wind-up toy who is incapable of having original thoughts - he simply does what he's told, and he's completely controlled by his owners. He talks a good game, but he clearly has no appreciation for the intrinsic beauty of the sport.

There's no way someone like that can be Commiss...

oh, wait...that's right

nevermind.

[Theoldmole]

Now I'm torn between G-FAFIF and m.e.t.b.o.t.

[Theoldmole]

So I guess I'll have to nominate me. I'd abolish the DH, bring back flannel uniforms, pass a dress code that disallowed pulling the elastic in your pants down to your shoes, mandate one Sunday doubleheader a month, and pass a rule that gives one and half wins to every team whose pitcher pitches a complete game.

[metsmarathon]

i figured this would be as good a place as any for hte following discussion...

i was listening to mlbradio this afternoon, and the topic of fixing/improving the all star balloting came up. well, i tuned in mid-topic, and tuned out before they were done.

the crux of the topic was htat hte internet balloting where each ip address gets 25 votes (or more, if you're crafty), is boospit. taking hte voting out of hte fans hands altogether isn't desired, either. but how would you limit it to just one per person, or otherwise restrict ballot-stuffing?

one hastily spitballed idea was to limit the balloting to season-ticket holders. another would be to allow each ticket holder to sign up for a vote, using their ssn or some such unique identifier. both of these were, or course, shot down.

so... any competing ideas in cpf-world? mind you, this is a pressing topic for the commissioner to address, and will be useful in helping the committee identify the right person for the job.

i can think of two solutions, one of which is overly complicated, and the other is not quite so much.

the easier of the two solutions is to link all star voting to a credit card number. one vote per card. there's still the possibility of a person with multiple cards voting multiple times, and some voters would be scared away. but it could work.

the other solution is to install voting kiosks in each stadium, and give out one vote per ticket (unique serial code on each ticket). step into the booth, scan your ticket, pick your players, and move on. but that's not fair, you say. some teams draw more fans than others. true. the actual voting would be limited to an extent by hte throughput of the kiosks. but if you wanted to design out (or assume out) that "feature" then you could put each team's votes on the same scale. the sum total of all votes cast at citi field carries the same weight as the sum total of all votes cast at fenway, at ysiii, or dodger stadium, at at&t, etc. the problem with this is, of course, that some teams may generate nearly uniform blocs of voters, where every cards fan votes for every card, and each of their players scores a 1.00 vote share. could that be trumped by the combined votes at other sites? would any teams stadium NOT do that? okay, probably mets fans wouldn't vote for all mets....but this is my more ridiculously complicated scheme. the first one might be better. another wrinkle might be to give the players a ballot, where tehir combined vote counts as much as one team's vote. and maybe even do the same for the media.

unless you didn't care that the voting was scaled by attendance (the effect of giving each paid ticket an all star vote). in which case, you want more player from your team going to the game, get more of your friends to go to your team's games! i'm not entirely sure that scaling it by attendance is a bad thing. its better than letting a few good giant fan internet guys putting marco scutaro in again.


not htat i think the fan voting as it currently stands is irrevocably fucked up. i think they usually get things more right than wrong, and even the "every team gets a player" thing doesn't screw things up too badly. i like that and don't think it should go away.

well, those are my elaborate thoughts. what are yours? presuming you care to think about the all star game. but if you're the commish, you should. because it counts, natch!

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

If MLB changes anything it would be to increase the number of "votes" (ad impressions) it provides for fans. Of course its a flawed system but it's long since stopped being about integrity.