The Lucas Duda Campaign

[Edgy MD]

Carried over from the thread devoted to Jordany's bozac:

metirish wrote: Centerfield wrote: How awesome would it be if Lucas Duda could actually be that guy. Surly, redneck monster power hitter. Drives a pickup truck with horns on it. Listens to Metallica. The kind of guy that advocates for gun control, not because he is against hunting but because he believes animals should be killed with your bare hands. Lucas Duda arrested for disorderly conduct. Lucas Duda charges mound. Lucas Duda destroys 150k camera after a cameraman wanders too close after a tough game. I want Lucas Duda to throw someone through a plate glass window because he asks him if he's "related to Zip-a-Dee". And of course, hit .295, mash 48 HR's and drive in 140. that's hilarious....unfortunately he's Jim Thome except the 48 home runs.

I propose start a campaign. If we root for and promote him like he's an intense, surly, remorseless mofo, perhaps he'll become one.

I heard Lucas leaves two complementary tickets reserved for ever game --- for "Fuck" and "You."

[Ceetar]

Duda strikes me more as an Eli Manning type.

[Edgy MD]

Well, that kills my thread.

[metirish]

Edgy MD wrote: Well, that kills my thread.

yeah really, nothing more fucking boring than Manning.....

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Duda supports Bloomberg's large-size soda ban, because anyone who needs to dilute their whiskey is a "fucking pussy."

[TransMonk]

Ceetar wrote: Duda strikes me more as an Eli Manning type.

I've seen Duda breathe with his mouth closed, which separates him from Manning right there.

[metirish]

This is not my work ....love it

[Ceetar]

metirish wrote: Edgy MD wrote: Well, that kills my thread. yeah really, nothing more fucking boring than Manning.....

It's the vague allusions to their humor that seem comparable. Quiet but quietly devious. Things like Eli Manning changing teammates phones to the Japanese setting.

[Lefty Specialist]

He needs to mutate into Butch Heddo, the bad guy from the movie Rookie of the Year.

[Edgy MD]

When Lucas Duda gets hit in the groin with a pitch, he just winces briefly, glares at the pitcher, and screams, "HARDER!"

[Chad ochoseis]

When Bill Brasky and Chuck Norris get together, they talk about Lucas Duda.

[metirish]

Chad Ochoseis wrote: When Bill Brasky and Chuck Norris get together, they talk about Lucas Duda.

excellent

[Vic Sage]

Lucas Duda is a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and the NRA.
Duda went public with his own buttocks and made seven million.
Did I ever tell you about the time Duda went hunting? Well anyway, Duda decides he's gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleagul.
We once had a bachelor party for Duda. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Duda got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was saut�ed mushrooms.
Duda's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
Duda is ranked eighteenth in the AP College Football Poll.
Did I ever tell you about the time Lucas Duda was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Duda chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breast feeds Ryan Howard.
Duda named the group Smashmouth. They did not want to be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Duda's nipple, it plays "Houses of the Holy".
They use Duda's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at CitiField.
Duda directed that commercial where the model kisses the fat nerd. He made her do 73 takes.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
All the "Yes" album covers are Duda family photos.
Shaq has a summer home in Duda's crotch.
Did I ever tell you about the time Lucas Duda taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Duda taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Duda said, It would have happened sometime.
Duda's semen can form into a liquid human. Like that guy from Terminator 2.
Duda still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Duda, except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
He gave a handjob to a drunken cougar.
He cornered the market on booze.
Did I ever tell you about the time Lucas Duda forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Duda tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled.
He'll eat a homeless person if you dare him.
One time I asked Duda to dress up as Santa for a Christmas party I was having for my children. Anyway, Duda shows up as Santa, says I've got goodies for you kids. He reaches into his bag and proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says "There's no Santa cause I ate him!"
He sheds his skin once a year.
I once saw him scissor kick Dame Maggie Smith.
Did I ever tell you about the time Lucas Duda and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Duda throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Duda decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, "God bless him, Don't shoot him, he's a human!"
He jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
Like an alligator, he can fully digest a turtle shell.
His favorite TV movie is "The Boy In The Plastic Bubble" starring John Travolta.
He an eight-foot two-ton monster who can palm a medicine ball.
Lucas Duda would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Duda had to shoot the maid.
Duda would use his own thigh as an anvil.
Ya know, it was the sight of Duda's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He showers in grain alcohol.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
His first name is Lucas. It rhymes with "mucus"... but don't say that to him. Not ever. Seriously. I mean it.
He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
Lucas Duda is a son of a bitch.

A Toast To our new Leftfielder, Lucas Duda! Hurrah!

[MFS62]

I hated "The Boy In The Plastic Bubble".
But I'm not afraid to tell that to Lucas Duda.
I can take him.

Later

[Edgy MD]

Clearly that's mostly pinched material from Vic, but he could have stretched that out all season.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Lucas Duda once broke a four-minute mile... with a headbutt.

[metsmarathon]

lucas duda scared bogfoot into hiding

[Centerfield]

The self-fulfilling prophecy stuff is not going to make him evil fast enough.

I thought about tempting him to the dark side of the force, but even that took three excruciating movies. We need something that works faster.

I say we find the Ring of Power.

[Lefty Specialist]

Well, you had me until he killed Wolfman Jack with a trident. Then I knew you were kidding.

[dinosaur jesus]

Centerfield wrote: The self-fulfilling prophecy stuff is not going to make him evil fast enough. I thought about tempting him to the dark side of the force, but even that took three excruciating movies. We need something that works faster. I say we find the Ring of Power.

If that doesn't work, there's always Lola. Does anyone here have her number?

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Clearly, we need the Richard Pryor dirty kryptonite.

[Guest metsguyinmichigan]

Did I ever tell you about the time Duda went hunting? Well anyway, Duda decides he's gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleagul.

I always thought Snork would remain mute!

[MFS62]

dinosaur jesus wrote: If that doesn't work, there's always Lola. Does anyone here have her number?

Her number was "Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets", and you can find it on the cast recordings from both the Broadway show and the movie.
Oh, you mean her phone number. If I could find THAT, I'd be playing centerfield and leading the Mets to the championship this year. It might be worth it.

Later

[RealityChuck]

Lola doesn't want you to have her number, so you won't get it.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Duda gets the message. So does Tim Hudson.

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?c_id=nym&content_id=25732217&partnerId=as_mlb_20130315_6415304

[Zvon]

That smack today by the Dude was encouraging. Effortless swing, squared up with all his weight behind it, kaBOOM!, way outta there in a flash.