Jordany's Junk

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

1st inning: Homers off Verlander.

5th inning: Hit in the junk by a Verlander fastball.

Mike Kerwick ?@mikekerwick I'm no expert, but I somehow doubt Jordany Valdespin was wearing a protective cup. He's off to the locker room. #mets Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More

[Farmer Ted]

I think he kept it in his back pocket. The pocket that hangs out. Junk hanging out.

[metirish]

Did he do something after his HR that Vaerlander threw at him?, can't imagine a fastball getting away and hitting him there, also can't imagine Verlander aiming there...weird.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

No idea just reading the tweets.

Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets I know Collins warned Valdespin two weeks ago that he was going to get drilled if he kept hotdogging.

[G-Fafif]

Tiger announcers sounded concerned, relieved that the young man (as I think they called him) was able to walk off on his own power.

Which is considerable this Spring.

[Edgy MD]

There isn't enough ice in the world.

[Edgy MD]

Works best as a narrative.

11:22 AM - Mar 11, 2013 Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets Valdespin drilled in groin area by 94 mph heater.

11:23 AM - Mar 11, 2013 Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets May have hit Valdespin square in the boys.

11:25 AM - Mar 11, 2013 Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets Bixler running for Valdespin. Will get an update soon.

11:37 AM - Mar 11, 2013 Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets I know Collins warned Valdespin two weeks ago that he was going to get drilled if he kept hotdogging.

11:49 AM - Mar 11, 2013 Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets Valdespin says he is OK ... Asked where he got hit: "My dick," Valdespin said.

12:32 AM - Mar 11, 2013 Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets Valdespin: "Everything is good, working good, normally, everything is great.�

(Wow, he tested everything really fast.)

12:57 AM - Mar 11, 2013 Mike Puma ?@NYPost_Mets Verlander on drilling Valdespin: "Right out of the hand it�s like, �Oh, sh--. That is right at his balls. � "

That Mike Puma is not afraid to stick to his style guide on Twitter.

[Centerfield]

This is fucking funny. I mean, I feel for the guy, but my god this thread is funny.

(Wow, he tested everything really fast.)

Funny Edgy. I thought the same thing.

To me, Valdespin has the feel of a guy who is a little fucked in the head, but talented, and will put it all together about two organizations down the road. Kinda like Jeff Kent or Carl Everett.

[Guest Mets � Willets Point]

(Wow, he tested everything really fast.)

It remains to be seen if Jordany is reproductively viable.

[Zvon]

I thought if you hit Valde anywhere on his body you were hitting "the dick".

[Frayed Knot]

Jordany's junk aside, Met bats smacked Verlander's Tiggers around to the tune of 11-Zip

4.2 innings of 1-hit ball from Niese (although 4 BBs thrown in).
Burke, Mejia (apparently healthy), Familia, and Laffey threw the remaining 4.1 IPs (0.1, 1.0, 1.0, & 2.0) of 4-hit shutout ball.
The only pitching oddity was just 1 K by the combined staff.

On the hitting side: two Buck 2Bs; HRs from the dynamic trio of Valdespin, Hicks (also off Verlander) & Bixler; and 15 hits overall including 4-fer-5 from the catching duo of Buck & Recker (Recker, I hardly know her!)

[Zvon]

I heard this thread even got a smile out of Lucas Duda.
Come on Lucas, lets see that smile.

[Zvon]

There it is.

[Centerfield]

How awesome would it be if Lucas Duda could actually be that guy. Surly, redneck monster power hitter. Drives a pickup truck with horns on it. Listens to Metallica. The kind of guy that advocates for gun control, not because he is against hunting but because he believes animals should be killed with your bare hands.

Lucas Duda arrested for disorderly conduct. Lucas Duda charges mound. Lucas Duda destroys 150k camera after a cameraman wanders too close after a tough game.

I want Lucas Duda to throw someone through a plate glass window because he asks him if he's "related to Zip-a-Dee".

And of course, hit .295, mash 48 HR's and drive in 140.

[Zvon]

Since I steered the thread away I'll try to steer it back. Here is the updated GAHwright pic, version 2.2.
Skin tones tinted to match, logo added to chest, and including his new sidekick, Valdesac.

[G-Fafif]

If David weren't winging around the World Baseball Classic saving America's bacon, I wonder if he'd be actively Captaining Jordany's word choices.

[G-Fafif]

And while we're talking language, one wonders if baseball's vocabulary will be, uh, altered from here on out.

Let that be a lesson for all you kids out there: always wear a cup if you don't want to get hit in the Valdespins.

[ashie62]

Centerfield wrote: This is fucking funny. I mean, I feel for the guy, but my god this thread is funny. (Wow, he tested everything really fast.) Funny Edgy. I thought the same thing. To me, Valdespin has the feel of a guy who is a little fucked in the head, but talented, and will put it all together about two organizations down the road. Kinda like Jeff Kent or Carl Everett.

Just not Milton Bradley..

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

owowowowowowowowowooOWOWOWOWEEEEEeEEeEEEEeeeeEE

[metirish]

Centerfield wrote: How awesome would it be if Lucas Duda could actually be that guy. Surly, redneck monster power hitter. Drives a pickup truck with horns on it. Listens to Metallica. The kind of guy that advocates for gun control, not because he is against hunting but because he believes animals should be killed with your bare hands. Lucas Duda arrested for disorderly conduct. Lucas Duda charges mound. Lucas Duda destroys 150k camera after a cameraman wanders too close after a tough game. I want Lucas Duda to throw someone through a plate glass window because he asks him if he's "related to Zip-a-Dee". And of course, hit .295, mash 48 HR's and drive in 140.

that's hilarious....unfortunately he's Jim Thome except the 48 home runs.

[Lefty Specialist]

Zvon wrote: and including his new sidekick, Valdesac.

Thanks for making the soda come out through my nose.

[Guest themetfairy]

Zvon - would you please post a version of that sans Valdesac? It's cracking me up, but I'd love a solo Mr. Wright version that I could post on Facebook (with your permission, of course).

[Guest metsguyinmichigan]

Zvon is KILLING me!

[Fman99]

Getting hit in the cock head stinks, unless it's from a 99 MPH act of fellatio.

[MFS62]

As Confucius said, "Act like a hot dog, get hit in the hot dog."

Or, was that Early Wynn who said that? I forget.

Later

[Edgy MD]

"NUMBNUTS!"

--- The New York Post, where it's all about dignity, dignity, dignity.

[Farmer Ted]

Any follow-up on Jordany's ValdesJunk?

[Benjamin Grimm]

They're sending him to New York to see if Mike Piazza can induce an erection.

[metirish]

Benjamin Grimm wrote: They're sending him to New York to see if Mike Piazza can induce an erection.

solid gold right there

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Benjamin Grimm wrote: They're sending him to New York to see if Mike Piazza can induce an erection.

BOOM