The Hangover: Yankee-Loving Douchebags 2010

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Day laborer/accused-and-indicted arsonist and murderer of five Daniel Ignacio.

Alcohol and "demons" made him do it.

[metirish]

When I saw the douche in the paper I thought of the YLDB thread.....fucking wanker

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

metirish wrote: When I saw the douche in the paper I thought of the YLDB thread.....fucking wanker

Same here. Thanks for the heavy lifting.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

More like "Yankee-Loving Heavily-Used 2002-vintage Dolce-and-Gabbana Bag."

�A-Rod and Cameron have been totally hooking up,� the insider dishes to OK!, adding in their obvious affection during the CAA party on Saturday night in Miami as further proof of their passion for each other. OK! brought fans the news yesterday of this super hot Super Bowl couple, who showed off their new chemistry with some hot dance moves while partying it up with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

(Although, to be fair, my dentist and I standing next to each other probably look "fun and flirty" next to America's Top Uncomfortable Marriage-for-Hire.)

[seawolf17]

Good thing I clicked on the link; I thought they were talking about Mike Cameron.

[Guest Edgy DC]

See, I read that quoted portion twice, but until I followed that link, my mind had convinced me that it said "A-Rod and Jeter." Seriously. I'm no gay-basher, but seriously. Why does that happen?

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Because you're an empathetic human being, and you just want to see them at their happiest?

For my money, insult-wise, any sexually-based slur pales in comparison to being called a "true Yankee."

[Valadius]

I want to barf - messages are popping up in my facebook feed about "breathing in that Yankee legacy". Fucking asshole high school classmates.

[ashie62]

The idea of Arod and Mike Cameron "together" is kinda funny.

[A Boy Named Seo]

YLDB Jay-Z sues Big Papi. No shit.

http://pitchfork.com/news/38513-jay-z-sues-red-sox-star-david-ortiz/

[metirish]

It's in a different country you fuckng twat Jay-Z....you fucking fake prick.

[Guest Edgy DC]

I like the thought of David Ortiz as a 40/40 man.

I like the notion of him as a 40/2 man.

[Guest GYC]

seawolf17 wrote: Good thing I clicked on the link; I thought they were talking about Mike Cameron.

I read it three times and thought it was Mike Cameron, and I had already heard of A-Rod and Cameron Diaz.

[Guest GYC]

Valadius wrote: I want to barf - messages are popping up in my facebook feed about "breathing in that Yankee legacy". Fucking asshole high school classmates.

I defriend people over that.

[Fman99]

MFY fans should have their own Facebook so I would be spared their MFY gushing.

I'd call it Douchebook, naturally.

[soupcan]

This was in the New York Times Book Review section today...

I liked it.

April 18, 2010 Essay Keep Your Team Out of My Book By JOE QUEENAN Not long ago I began reading David Benioff�s �City of Thieves.� The novel had come highly recommended to me by several friends, and as I had already seen Spike Lee�s excellent film �25th Hour,� which is based on Benioff�s first novel, I was really looking forward to reading the book. �City of Thieves,� set during the Nazi siege of Leningrad, is about a Russian teenager who will be shot by Stalin�s police unless he tracks down a dozen eggs to be used in baking a wedding cake for a colonel�s daughter. Since cannibalism has already broken out in the city, eggs are clearly going to be hard to come by. So, as I opened to the first page, I was primed for a rip-�roaring adventure. But almost immediately the whole exercise was ruined. The narrator, the young boy�s grandson, reveals on Page 2 that after the war, his grandfather came to America and became a �devout� New York Yankees fan. I found this revelation crushing. The idea that someone who had escaped the siege of Leningrad would then voluntarily join the evil empire in the Bronx struck me as repellent. So I set the book aside and donated it to my library. Maybe some Yankees fan would enjoy it. I sure as hell wouldn�t. I do not object to Yankees fans in principle, so long as they are homegrown, preferably natives of the Bronx or Yonkers. (Yankees fans born in Queens or Brooklyn, it goes without saying, are Iscariots.) But those of us who grew up in fiendishly inbred sports towns like Philadelphia, Cleveland, St. Louis and even Boston cannot stomach the kind of parvenu, out-of-town front-runner who becomes a �die-hard� Yankees fan without any moral, cultural, ethnic, genetic or geographical connection with the team. And like most Americans, I reserve my greatest antipathy for the millions of bogus Yankees fans in the pink or green or red Yankees caps one routinely runs across in London, Rome, Sydney, Stockholm and Mombasa. Or, if driving, runs over. In the case of �City of Thieves,� it seemed to me that a survivor of the heroic siege of Leningrad � an underdog par excellence � would have a moral obligation to become a Dodgers fan, and then perhaps to transform into a Mets fan once the Bums desert Flatbush. The man�s arrival in New York would have come not long before the opening scene of Don DeLillo�s �Underworld,� which has the Dodgers facing off against the Giants at the Polo Grounds in the 1951 pennant playoff. Even though I grew up hating both these teams, neither of them is in any way revolting. Nor are the Mets, who are merely cheesy. But it is simply unconscionable that a survivor of the siege would become a Yankees fan. Stalin would have been a Yankees fan. There�s a guy who loved to gang up on the weak and defenseless. There�s a front-runner if there ever was one. My refusal to read books about the Yankees or their fans also extends to books written by supporters of the team. Thus, when I learned that Salman Rushdie had adopted the Yankees, who beat my Phillies in the World Series last year, it eliminated any chance that I would ever read �The Satanic Verses,� no matter how good it is. This attitude is rooted partly in principle and partly in pathology: I, like most Americans, resent the Yankees� success while secretly wishing that my cheapskate teams would imitate them and go out and purchase championship after championship. But I further ridicule the notion that Yankees fans experience the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat the way the rest of us do. Rooting for the Yankees, as a friend of mine said, is like rooting for the air. It�s about as daring as rooting for a pack of ravenous pit bulls in a showdown with a blind, one-legged bunny rabbit. My revulsion does not end with the Yankees. I also refuse to read books whose characters or authors have any affiliation with the Dallas Cowboys, the Los Angeles Lakers, the Duke University men�s basket�ball team, the University of Southern California football team or Manchester United, the Yankees� European football evil twin. All of these entities are promiscuously vile. So implacable is my hatred of Man United (glamour-boy David Beckham�s old team) that when I met the gifted mystery writer Val McDermid at the Dublin Writers Festival last year, and found out she was a Manchester United fan � even though she is not from Manchester � I immediately unloaded all my Val McDermid mysteries and started bad-mouthing her work to my friends. I�m dead serious about this stuff. Happily, precious few novels mention the Yankees, the Lakers, Duke, U.S.C. or Manchester United, much less the Cowboys. This is no accident. Editors have long understood that allowing an author to link his characters with a widely execrated sports franchise would turn off millions of potential readers, so they have gently urged these authors to excise such references, particularly if they occur early in the book, when the reader is still making up his mind whether it is worth plowing ahead. Here are a few examples of passages that were wisely deleted from famous writers� manuscripts before they went to press: �It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Charles Darnay was rooting for the ripping side fielded by the Jacobins, while Sydney Carton was all agog about those first-rate chaps from Manchester United.� (�A Tale of Two Cities�) �For a long time I would go to bed early and conceal myself under the covers, eating stale Cracker Jack my governess had secreted in her apron, all the while reading about the latest thrilling exploits of the Bronx Bombers.� (�Swann�s Way�) �He lay flat on the brown, pine-needled floor of the forest, his chin on his folded arms, and high overhead the wind blew in the tops of the pine trees, making it hard to pick up the radio broadcast of the Michigan-U.S.C. game.� (�For Whom the Bell Tolls�) �There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. So Rochester suggested that we all crochet mittens with the America�s Team logo.� (�Jane Eyre�) �Maman died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don�t know. I got a telegram from the home: �Mother deceased. Funeral tomorrow. Lakers tickets still available.� � (�The Stranger�) �In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I�ve been turning over in my mind ever since. �Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,� he told me, �just remember that all the people in this world haven�t had the advantages that you�ve had. Like Gehrig batting cleanup.� � (�The Great Gatsby�) Or, for that matter, Alex Rodriguez. Joe Queenan�s memoir �Closing Time� has just been released in paperback.

[Guest Edgy DC]

Queenan has a pen proud with poison, I tell you what.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Always liked Queenan, his own misguided team allegiances be damned.

Now I like him harder.

[Guest Edgy DC]

Joe Girardi discusses spitball techniques with the Jonas Brothers:

[Fman99]

Joe Girardi discusses spitball techniques with the Jonas Brothers:

I have this perpetual image of the Jonas brothers as they appeared in South Park, getting their asses kicked around by a deranged and angry Mickey Mouse.

[Guest sharpie]

A little late, but..

The day that Queenan article came out, mrs. sharpie asked me to pick up some wine. I walked up to the nearby wine store and on the sandwich sign they usually have out there it said "Happy Birthday Donnie Baseball." I looked at that and bought the wine at the slightly farther away wine store.

[Guest Edgy DC]

Let them know why.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

sharpie wrote: A little late, but.. The day that Queenan article came out, mrs. sharpie asked me to pick up some wine. I walked up to the nearby wine store and on the sandwich sign they usually have out there it said "Happy Birthday Donnie Baseball." I looked at that and bought the wine at the slightly farther away wine store.

If we hewed strictly to these rules, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be able to eat out anywhere in the neighborhood.

[Met Hunter]

You should still go in and inquire. Maybe it was Donn Clendenon or Don Cardwell's birthday. Don Bosch? Don Rowe?

[Gwreck]

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: A little late, but.. The day that Queenan article came out, mrs. sharpie asked me to pick up some wine. I walked up to the nearby wine store and on the sandwich sign they usually have out there it said "Happy Birthday Donnie Baseball." I looked at that and bought the wine at the slightly farther away wine store. If we hewed strictly to these rules, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be able to eat out anywhere in the neighborhood.

I suppose this is one of those moments where one should consider if perhaps they've made a mistake by living in the Bronx.

[Willets Point]

From The 'Ropilitans:

"�New Yorker Lady Gaga. She�s a lifelong fan whose family bleeds Yankee pinstripes. As she told MTV News, Gaga believes her approach to pumping out hit song after hit song and outrageous performance after outrageous performance is not unlike [Mariano] Rivera�s approach to closing out a tight game." MTV News

As if Gaga weren't obnoxious enough.

[Guest Edgy DC]

Too cool for the wave? I don't think so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD5EtsZn0yE

[Fman99]

From The 'Ropilitans: "�New Yorker Lady Gaga. She�s a lifelong fan whose family bleeds Yankee pinstripes. As she told MTV News, Gaga believes her approach to pumping out hit song after hit song and outrageous performance after outrageous performance is not unlike [Mariano] Rivera�s approach to closing out a tight game." MTV News As if Gaga weren't obnoxious enough.

She's a YLC. And if you have to ask me what those letters stand for, well, go back and read some of my old posts.

[MFS62]

More on Lady Gag Me.
http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/Lady-Gaga-flips-off-New-York-Mets-fans-061010

If you follow the link in that article, you can see the actual act itself.

Later

[MFS62]

Fman99 wrote: She's a YLC. And if you have to ask me what those letters stand for, well, go back and read some of my old posts.

Uhhh, let me guess.
Does it rhyme with a Jerry Manual tactic for moving runners along?

Later