You're Going to Spring Training!!! (DPMJFL)

[Centerfield]

We need a creative writing thread so I can stop reading these freakishly boring spring training articles. Anyway. Premise is that you are a superstar ballplayer. This is your first spring training with the Mets. Reporters gather around as you pull into the parking lot. They see right away that:

1. You are driving a:

2. You are wearing:

3. And of course, the shoes are:

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear ________ blasting from your speakers.

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see:

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say:

[Benjamin Grimm]

I'd be so boring.


1. You are driving a: HONDA ACCORD

2. You are wearing: A T-SHIRT AND BLUE JEANS

3. And of course, the shoes are: SNEAKERS FROM MODELLS

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO blasting from your speakers.

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: A BOOK AND A NEWSPAPER

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

[Ceetar]

1. You are driving a: Ice Cream Truck

2. You are wearing: T-Shirt with Adam Rubin's face on it.

3. And of course, the shoes are: flip flops with a bottle opener in them.

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear an Ice Cream Truck Jingle blasting from your speakers.

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: A pile of Babysitters club novels.

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: "A hot dog is a sandwich." And then slip away while they're brawling.

[Guest d'Kong76]

1. You are driving an: Enterprise rental that smells like lamb vindaloo
2. You are wearing: Shorts and road greys
3. And of course, the shoes are: Black Asics
4. As you get closer, reporters can hear: Ramones Leave Home
5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: Monstrously Huge Bat Boy (who's car broke down a half mile back)
6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: Which way to the porta potties?

[Centerfield]

I'm in red. LWFS is in black. That's seawolf in the green jumpsuit. Yes. We are hamsters.

1. You are driving an: Kia Soul
2. You are wearing: Refer to image
3. And of course, the shoes are: Refer to image
4. As you get closer, reporters can hear: This or that - Black Sheep
5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: LWFS making gang signs
6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: Nothing. Put my hood on and walk right past.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

1. You are driving a: Schwinn fixie

2. You are wearing: a long beard, ELO concert tee shirt, black skinny jeans

3. And of course, the shoes are: Red Chucks

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear Hall and Oates blasting from your [crossout:lx233f1e]speakers[/crossout:lx233f1e] cellphone streaming thingy.

5. Pulling in, they look in your [crossout:lx233f1e]passenger seat[/crossout:lx233f1e] pannier bag and see: Kale

6. You[crossout:lx233f1e]turn off your engine,[/crossout:lx233f1e] engage the kickstand, get up, and say: I was into Spring Training arrival stories before they were cool.

[dinosaur jesus]

1. I'm driving an Auburn roadster.
2. I'm wearing an ivory linen suit.
3. Of course, I’m wearing two-tone brogues.
4. As I get closer, reporters can hear “If You Knew Susie” blasting from the hot combo in the back seat.
5. Pulling in, they look in my rumble seat and see Louise Brooks asleep with a copy of The Constant Nymph. That, or the pile of cans I forgot to drop off at the recycling.
6. I turn off my engine, get out, and say, “Can’t talk now, fellas. Sorry. I really have to pee.”

[Benjamin Grimm]

Recycling? That seems rather anachronistic.

[TransMonk]

1. You are driving a: black 1970 Chevrolet Nova SS.

2. You are wearing: jeans, t-shirt and hoodie.

3. And of course, the shoes are: black chucks.

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear ________ blasting from your speakers. the New York Dolls

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: today's St. Lucie News Tribune, today's New York Times, an iPhone and iPad

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: "We ARE the team to beat...it IS World Series or bust...where's my ring, bro?"

[Guest cooby classic]

1. You are driving a: mets blue Hyundai Accent 2. You are wearing: purple and black paisley turtle neck, black velvet pants and tan slippers 3. And of course, the shoes are: Avon slippers 4. As you get closer, reporters can hear ________ blasting from your speakers. Ringo Starr 5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: the Ringo Starr jewel case 6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: "I thought it'd be sunny here"

[Guest Rockin' Doc]

1.You are driving an: Metallic Blue BMW M6 Convertible
2. You are wearing: Blue Jeans and T-shirt
3. And of course, the shoes are: Timberland Dock Shoes
4. As you get closer, reporters can hear: Classic Rock or Blues
5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: Duffle bag containing my gear, MP3 player, and a book.
6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: How y'all doin'?

[Fman99]

1. You are driving a: DeLorian with a shit ton of time travel frost on it.

2. You are wearing: A diaper and bonnet. Diaper has an oversized rainbow lolly sticking out of the side, on my hip.

3. And of course, the shoes are: authentic Hopi moccasins

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear Payback by James Brown blasting from your speakers.

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: Morganna the kissing bandit. I went back to 1969 to get her right before she got sullied with Pete Rose's gambling cooties and shitty haircut mojo.

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: Look at those sweater pups, boyos!

[A Boy Named Seo]

Literal LOL @ Effman. Seriously hope Yoenis rolls up in a Delorean tomorrow.

[MFS62]

1. You are driving a: Classic Packard convertible

2. You are wearing: red T-shirt, blue shorts

3. And of course, the shoes are: Docksiders

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear [u:38scpx18]Earth, Wind and Fire [/u:38scpx18]blasting from your speakers.

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: My cello

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: Something they can't quote in their stories the next day. It would be "Fuck you, you plagiarizing hacks." or something like that.

Later

[dgwphotography]

1. You are driving a: 1984 Ferrari 308 GTSi

2. You are wearing: red, hawaiian "jungle bird" shirt, way-too-tight jeans

3. And of course, the shoes are: docksiders, no socks

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear instrumental music composed by Mike Post and Pete Carpenter blasting from your speakers.

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: Max

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: "Hi guys"

[Guest cooby classic]

Heh! Another good one.

[seawolf17]

1. You are driving a: 1999 Toyota Corolla with 190,000 miles on it

2. You are wearing: a gold Versace ball gown

3. And of course, the shoes are: five inch strappy heels, but with those blinky sneaker lights that the kids wear

4. As you get closer, reporters can hear "Vanis Takee" blasting from your speakers.

5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: a half-eaten "Matz" sub from the Se-Port deli

6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: "Here are the keys, Cerrone. Make sure you don't forget the wax this time."

[seawolf17]

Centerfield wrote: I'm in red. LWFS is in black. That's seawolf in the green jumpsuit. Yes. We are hamsters.

That's why none of you have ever met any of us in person.

[Edgy MD]

1. You are driving a: 1984 Ferrari 308 GTSi 2. You are wearing: red, hawaiian "jungle bird" shirt, way-too-tight jeans 3. And of course, the shoes are: docksiders, no socks 4. As you get closer, reporters can hear instrumental music composed by Mike Post and Pete Carpenter blasting from your speakers. 5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: Max 6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say: "Hi guys"

Presumably, he's reporting to spring training camp with the Chunichi Dragons.

Who's Max? Have I forgotten an element of the Magnaverse?

[dgwphotography]

Who's Max? Have I forgotten an element of the Magnaverse?

My baby boy - a big part of my universe:

[Edgy MD]

Oh, I get it. You switched between your personae.

Of course, real superstars arrive in camp riding shotgun, so they can focus on the task ahead!

[Centerfield]

Maybe it's a pitcher thing? Ricky Vaughn doesn't drive himself either.