MFY KTE LOL

[Fman99]

Going to boil this down to just the highlights -- Suzyn Waldman jokes about the loose open nature of her genitals as she strides through MFY history, and John Sterling with his shit awful home run calls.

C: Brian McCann (.259 BA, 1 HR, 6 RBI, .317 OBP/.457 SLG)

Waldman: "This guy is a stud, used to play for the Braves. Speaking of brave, you know who was brave? Steve Balboni. I used to ride the Balboni macaroni!"

Sterling: "It his high, it is far, it is... GONE! You McCann't tell me that Suzyn Waldman isn't a pig!"

1B: Mark Teixeira (.190/4/9, .302/.548)

SW: "This guy is off to a slow start but it's OK. I like when they start slow. You know who else was a slow starter? Don Mattingly. That guy took longer to reach his climax than it took Don Zimmer to get off the toilet in the morning!"

JS: "It's a fly ball, deep left... and it is GONE! A dinger for Teix, so let's get Suzyn some sex! I'm buying."

2B: Stephen Drew (.158/3/7, .267/.421)

SW: "Stephen drew me naked while I posed like that girl in the boat movie. Then, like that kid, he tried to drown in the North Atlantic rather than ride a piece of driftwood with me."

JS: "It is GONE! Stephen DREW! A HR for YOO!"

SS: Didi Gregorius (.200/0/2, .233/.200)

SW: "Let me tell you something, John. I knew Derek Jeter. I open mouth kissed Derek Jeter. I put on a thong and popped and locked for Derek Jeter. I dressed up like A-Rod and let Derek Jeter have anal relations with me. And you, Didi, you are NO DEREK JETER."

JS: "It is high... it is far. It is... GONE! And GreGORIUS with the COLD-SORE-ious!"

3B: Chase Headley (.260/2/7, .315/.400)

SW: "They call him chase because he likes to run with an erection and chase me around the house. Which is weird, because most guys with a boner don't want to run around with that thing. He looks like a guy running to first base that forgot to drop his bat."

JS: "It is high, it is far, it is GONE! Chase that pitcher off to the showers! See, because, he's almost done pitching, that's the joke!"

LF: Brett Gardner (.286/1/4, .390/.400, 4 SBs)

SW: "This guy is small and fast. Which makes him fun in the ol' sleeping bag, if you know what I like. He's a speedster there, too. He gets me in the bed and he's going first to third every time, if you catch my meaning there."

JS: "Fly ball, deep center field... and it's GONE! Gardner! Suzyn's getting him HARDNER!"

CF: Jacoby Ellsbury (.283/0/0, .356/.302, 2 SBs)

SW: "This guy is a natural hitter. I like to keep it natural, too. No trimming. It's not how God wants it to look down there if I do any yard work. But it's getting wild. It looks like I have Oscar Gamble in a leg lock, in fact."

JS: "Ellsbury with the HR! He Ells-buried that thing in the bleachers!"

RF: Carlos Beltran (.171/0/6, .222/.268)

SW: "I'm coo coo for Carlos' cocoa puff!"

JS: "It is high, it is far, it is GONE!! Beltran with the big belt! He belt! And then he ran!"

DH: A-Rod (.286/4/11, .412/.643)

SW: "Well, Alex has been their best hitter this year and ain't that a punch to the vagina! You know who else liked to punch vaginas! Reggie Jackson! His straw stirred more than just the drink."

JS: "It is high, it is far, it is gone! I have 'A ROD' with excitement this year!"

Key bench: Chris Young, Garrett Jones, Gregorio Petit, JR Murphy

No HR calls for the pitchers. Thankfully, Suzyn has more to say on these guys.

Pitching match ups:

Friday - deGrom vs. Michael Pineda (2-0, 5.00 ERA)

"This guy puts pine tar on EVERYTHING. I haven't been that sticky since the weekend I spent in Lou Pinella's fishing shack."

Saturday - Harvey vs. Sabathia (0-3, 4.35 ERA)

"CC Sabathia has a food fetish. He had me use gravy as a lubricant."

Sunday - Niese vs. Nathan Eovaldi (1-0, 3.12 ERA)

"I don't know him real well just yet but I can say this, #bigrig."



Bullpen:

Closer - Andrew Miller (0-0, 5 Saves, .95 WHIP, 0.00 ERA).

"You know, John, there used to be this Panamanian guy, I forget his name, he had a big pool though, and he was always throwing things into the deep end and asking me to go dive for them. But I wouldn't because they all were plugged in. This ain't my first rodeo, I'm not falling for that one!"

Set up guys - Betances, David Carpenter, Chris Martin, Justin Wilson

"I reenacted some of the best Caligula scenes with these guys. It was fun! I didn't know I could get a hickey on the inside of my body."

Former Mets wearing the traitor's colors - Beltran, Chris Young

Former MFYs wearing the good guy colors - Granderson, Colon, Buddy Carlyle

[Guest cooby classic]

Oh gah! (the Suzy Waldman comment)

[Guest Mets Guy in Michigan]

Classic, classic, classic as always and tough to read in one sitting because I'm laughing so hard and people wonder what's going on.

That said, I confess I miss the photo of Sterling showing complete shock and horror!

But I did find one of the two of them!

[MFS62]

Oscar Gamble in a leg lock

may be one of the all-time classic CPF lines.
You are my hero.

Later

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

[Benjamin Grimm]

I like that cover much better than the Batman and Joker thing that Ed Murawinski did for the back page of the Daily News today.

[batmagadanleadoff]

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: [fimg=644]https://thenypost.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/24-p1lcf.jpg[/fimg]

Who's driving that train?

[Frayed Knot]

Of course it's going to be disappointing when this streak ends and particularly so if it ends this weekend.
But it'll really suck if it ends with a [u:seto4r6a]series[/u:seto4r6a] loss here (either 1-2 or, gasp, 0-3) as this is one of the few time since interrelate play begun where we've been the obvious better team.

[Gwreck]

Plus we have our two best starters (no offense, Bartolo) going this series as well.

I agree, we are going to lose a game eventually. But anything less than 2-1 this series isn't ok.

[Benjamin Grimm]

I'd like to see the streak at least hit 12, since the Mets have never done it before, but I'm really hoping it hits 14. After that, they have my blessing to lose on Monday, if they feel they have to.

[Ceetar]

Benjamin Grimm wrote: I'd like to see the streak at least hit 12, since the Mets have never done it before, but I'm really hoping it hits 14. After that, they have my blessing to lose on Monday, if they feel they have to.

hell, the Marlins suck, they can drop a few to them if they pick it up again against the Nats.

[G-Fafif]

What I think I like best about this annual ritual of Fmania is that Fman goes to the trouble of including each batter's statistics, just in case that's what we actually came for.

That's what Suzyn Waldman said.

[seawolf17]

G-Fafif wrote: What I think I like best about this annual ritual of Fmania is that Fman goes to the trouble of including each batter's statistics, just in case that's what we actually came for. That's what Suzyn Waldman said.

Seriously.

And my goodness, "Oscar Gamble in a leg lock" is COMEDY GOLD. I'm crying.

[Guest d'Kong76]

SW: "This guy is a natural hitter. I like to keep it natural, too. No trimming. It's not how God wants it to look down there if I do any yard work. But it's getting wild. It looks like I have Oscar Gamble in a leg lock, in fact."

That's some funny shit, Fman!

[Edgy MD]

This is going to be a tough test. With all the pub the Mets have been getting, the Yankees are going to have plenty of bulletin board material.

[Guest d'Kong76]

I have a ridiculous amount of anxiety over this series. A poor
showing, some sloppy mistakes, some Skankee Stadium Ghost
moments and all the April momentum thing could be shot to shitsky.

[Frayed Knot]

d'Kong76 wrote: I have a ridiculous amount of anxiety over this series. A poor showing, some sloppy mistakes, some Skankee Stadium Ghost moments and all the April momentum thing could be shot to shitsky.

The curse of being the overdog.

[Gwreck]

Apologies to FMan, but I think this goes too far.

There are so many things to make fun of the Yankees for that it seems unfortunate this is where we went. Reading this just makes me uncomfortable. I think a line has been crossed.

[Guest d'Kong76]

Frayed Knot wrote: The curse of being the overdog.

According to my local Gannett cat box liner, Yanks are favored -110.
If someone could explain in layman terms what the -110 means, I'd
appreciate it.

[Zvon]

Oscar Gamble in a head lock, lololololololol, I can't even finish it. Ahhhh,k,(wipes tear) stopped laughing. Ill go finish.

[Benjamin Grimm]

d'Kong76 wrote: According to my local Gannett cat box liner, Yanks are favored -110. If someone could explain in layman terms what the -110 means, I'd appreciate it.

I think that it means that to win $100 by betting on the Yankees, you'd have to put down $110.

[Zvon]

seawolf17 wrote: G-Fafif wrote: What I think I like best about this annual ritual of Fmania is that Fman goes to the trouble of including each batter's statistics, just in case that's what we actually came for. That's what Suzyn Waldman said. Seriously. And my goodness, "Oscar Gamble in a leg lock" is COMEDY GOLD. I'm crying.

[fimg=300]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GdP2PRzMM_Q/UEp8zJhqOJI/AAAAAAAABY8/L9g6RjnXcUk/s1600/seinfeld_tumblr.png[/fimg]
Gold Fireman, GOLD!

[Guest d'Kong76]

Benjamin Grimm wrote: I think that it means that to win $100 by betting on the Yankees, you'd have to put down $110.

I have $1.10!
I googled briefly but the sites are too hardcore to sift through.

[MFS62]

Gwreck wrote: Apologies to FMan, but I think this goes too far. There are so many things to make fun of the Yankees for that it seems unfortunate this is where we went. Reading this just makes me uncomfortable. I think a line has been crossed.

You liked it better when he did it with pictures?

Later

[Guest cooby classic]

Gwreck wrote: Apologies to FMan, but I think this goes too far. There are so many things to make fun of the Yankees for that it seems unfortunate this is where we went. Reading this just makes me uncomfortable. I think a line has been crossed.

Sometimes I think Fman goes too far too. But a little comic relief poked at the Yankees after years of being ground under their heels feels good. And in Suzan Waldman's voice, no less.


(no offense Fman )

Edited April 24, 2015 by Guest

[Frayed Knot]

MFS62 wrote: Gwreck wrote: Apologies to FMan, but I think this goes too far. There are so many things to make fun of the Yankees for that it seems unfortunate this is where we went. Reading this just makes me uncomfortable. I think a line has been crossed. You liked it better when he did it with pictures?

I'm just glad he opted out of the version that included sound effects.

[Guest Mets Guy in Michigan]

Frayed Knot wrote: MFS62 wrote: Gwreck wrote: Apologies to FMan, but I think this goes too far. There are so many things to make fun of the Yankees for that it seems unfortunate this is where we went. Reading this just makes me uncomfortable. I think a line has been crossed. You liked it better when he did it with pictures? I'm just glad he opted out of the version that included sound effects.

It just needs the classic photo to put things in context.