RIP Derek Jeter

[Edgy MD]

The funny thing is that the narrative of Jeter's retirement decision was that "Unlike Willie Mays, he elected to go out on his own terms" (as if he hasn't now been a bad player for far longer than Willie). But when it's clear that this whole thing is crass and pathetic, it's all "Derek doesn't really want this." Like he's helpless in the matter.

The Mets should have a year-long retirement ceremony for Bobby Abreu or Tim Byrdak or somebody.

[bmfc1]

I thought of the title of this thread when I saw this today:
http://hardballtalk.nbcsports.com/2014/09/08/deep-thoughts-derek-jeters-ceremony-looked-more-like-a-funeral/

[Guest Trachsel My Tears]

Edgy MD wrote: "Unlike Willie Mays, he elected to go out on his own terms" (as if he hasn't now been a bad player for far longer than Willie).

Unlike Willie Mays, his team did not make the playoffs at all his final season, with his disgracefully inept play being a direct cause of that fact.

[Lefty Specialist]

I don't think Jeter's capable of being embarrassed by the pomposity of it all. He saw Mariano get his farewell tour, and he wanted a bigger, better, and more ass-kissing one. He got it.

I can't wait for Joe Buck to say at the World Series, "It would have been much better if this could have been Derek Jeter's farewell." And then...wait for it...they'll cut to a long loving shot of St. Jeter in the VIP section in a pinstriped down coat.

The DiMaggio comparison is spot-on. Joe was very protective about his image as the Greatest Living Player, and was an SOB to those who didn't play along.

[Edgy MD]

Please let not posterity confuse that fragment with an actual quote of mine.

[Guest Mets � Willets Point]

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Course not! Jeets has also said he wants kids so I think he'll go "beard" all the way.

Gay men and gay male couples can and do have kids. I can imagine in Jeter's case there will be a reality tv series featuring adorable orphans from Africa, Asia, and Latin America putting forth their case on why they deserve to be adopted by the Captain.

[Guest Mets � Willets Point]

Homophobic baseball commentators suddenly more accepting. "Jeter made all the gay men around him better."

[Guest d'Kong76]

Jeets isn't gay, he's intangibly bi-sexual.

[Ceetar]

http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/09/david-ortiz-red-sox-retirement-tour-derek-jeter-mlb

�What Derek Jeter is doing is fine because he�s Derek Jeter. What Mariano did is fine because it�s Mariano,� he said. �But I don�t know if I�m going to go through all that. I�m not going to wake up and be like, �I�m going to play this year and then not anymore.� To me, it�s going to be how things go through the season and how I feel, and then I�m going to be like, �Mama, it�s over.� I�m going to let her know.�

[batmagadanleadoff]

It's called Jeterating:


I Wanna Like Derek Jeter! I do!
Published by jposnanski on March 15, 2014

Jeterate. May 2008.

People don�t believe me when I say that I really like Derek Jeter. I do! I think Jeter is an excellent player. I think Jeter is a smart player. I love the guy�s tenacity � he�s only missed 15 games in a season once � and I like his .317/.387/.461 lifetime line, and I respect that he will give you some power, some speed, and more often than not really good at-bats. And heck, I like the personality, the charisma, the star quality, the way other players talk about his leadership � I don�t know what all that�s worth but it�s gotta be worth something. So why is it that I�m often writing negative things about Derek Jeter? I realized Friday that it has absolutely nothing to do with Jeter himself. No, what drives me batty is that Jeter � maybe because of his star power, or maybe because he�s a Yankee, or maybe because he�s made some very big plays on the national stage, or maybe because he dated all the supermodels, I honestly don�t know what it is � Jeter brings out this quality in people, this superiority, this � it just drives me insane I don�t know if there�s a word for this quality so, as we do here, I�m going to invent a word. Jeterate (verb) meaning �to praise someone for something of which he or she is entirely unworthy of praise.� Example: �The father could not but jeterate his daughter for coloring on the wall because she looked so cute.� Or: �The employee, knowing his job was on the line, jeterated his boss for almost making a 3-foot putt. �That was an incredible putt,� the employee said. �With that intense break, I doubt Tiger Woods would have even lipped out like you did.� Or: �The doctor jeterated his patient for not actually gaining any more weight since the visit four days earlier.� And so on. See, the thing is Derek Jeter is such a good baseball player � I mean, we are talking about a no-doubt, first ballot Hall of Famer here � that people don�t need to jeterate him for his fielding. The guy sucks as a defensive shortstop, OK? He�s brutal out there. Every detailed defensive number shows it. He�s back near the bottom again in zone rating and range factor and, I�m sure, the Dewan plus/minus. Plus every scout who pays attention knows he can�t go two steps to his left and his arm is subpar. It�s OK! Really! He doesn�t have to be Mark Belanger. He�s a great hitter! He plays every day! He�s makes up for some of his flaws with his awareness and mental stamina! I wouldn�t be bothered by his defensive liabilities, I really wouldn�t, except, well, you know, so many people don�t think he HAS defensive liabilities. They give him freaking gold gloves. They knight him Sir Derek of Defensive Wizardry because 238 years ago he tagged Jeremy Giambi and jumped into the crowd on a foul ball. You see what happened there. I completely went overboard again. This is what Derek Jeter does to me. I like Derek Jeter. I do! I wouldn�t even care about Jeter�s deficient defense if certain people would just stop jeterating, stop mythmaking, stop telling me that the numbers are wrong and my eyes are wrong and that Jeter�s defensive brilliance is beyond my understanding, like the size of the universe or the appeal of Drew Barrymore. Of course, this rant wasn�t set off by Jeter�s defense. No. I was driving back to New York from Cooperstown*, where I did more 1975 Reds research (did I mention that I�m writing this book), and I was listening to the Yankees radio network and I heard the worst bit of jeterating I�ve heard in my entire life, and that�s saying something. *Here�s how you will know that I was in Cooperstown � I am at this very moment wearing a 1975 Cleveland Indians Crooked C hat. You know I used to be a big hat guy � loved wearing caps � and as my wife will tell you I have like 75 or 80 baseball caps in the closet. But somewhere along the way, I stopped wearing them. This wasn�t a conscious decision; I didn�t wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and say, �That�s it, pally, you�re a grown up now, it�s time to top wearing caps like you�re one of the Peanuts gang.� No. It just sort of gradually went in that direction. These days, for the most part, I only wear caps when I�m trying to prevent sun stroke. But this Crooked C hat that I got in Cooperstown could change all that. I love this hat. So, here�s the Jeter scenario. He gets hit by a pitch to lead off the fifth inning. Then the MBGPIBH* Bobby Abreu singles Jeter to third. A-Rod is up. You have the situation in your mind now, right? First and third, nobody out. A-Rod at the plate. *Most Boring Good Player In Baseball History. You can change �Good� to �Great� if you feel strongly about it. This is a versatile title. OK, you ready? A-Rod hits a ground ball to third base. Jeter takes off for home. Now, you can argue about whether or not heading home was the right call. I wasn�t watching the game, so I couldn�t tell you if this was a contact play, or if the Mariners were set up for the double play, or if Jeter (gasp) just got caught up. I don�t know, and it doesn�t matter. What matters is this, Mariners� third baseman Adrian Beltre threw home and got Jeter into a rundown. Because Jeter is a good athlete, it took the Mariners three throws to get him and this gave the MBGPIBH and A-Rod enough time to get to second and third. So � you got the play in your mind, right? Now, do I need to say any more? If that had been David DeJesus getting caught up in the rundown, or Coco Crisp, or Melvin Mora or Placido Polanco or Endy Chavez or Mark Kotsay or just about anyone else you can think of, it would be described pretty plainly. The runner took off, it was unfortunate, but at least he stayed out there in the rundown long enough to allow the runners to move up. The words �at least� would have been used, no doubt about it. You don�t throw roses at players for getting caught in rundowns on third base with nobody out. But � this is Derek Jeter. And so, well, you know what�s coming. The Yankees radio crew � and these are good folk, hard workers, they�re just lost in the Jeter flood like so many � basically sang Hosanas to Derek Jeter for getting caught in a rundown. I�m not kidding here. They went on for five minutes about how the Captain willed those runners to second and third. They kept talking about how not only did Jeter stay in the rundown but he WAVED THOSE OTHER RUNNERS to the bag while he was doing it. Imagine. I was sitting there in the car absolutely stunned. This was Jeterating on a whole new level. He waved the other runners to their bags? Really? Like this: Mind of Derek Jeter: �Oh oh, I�m in a rundown here. I better let those other guys know what to do.� Mind of MBGPIBH: �I like cookies. They are delicious. Especially when they have chocolate chips.� Mind of Jeter: �No, Bobby! No! Dammit. I�ll bet he�s thinking about cookies. No! Run to the next base Bobby! No, that base! Third base! Come on Bobby, I can�t stay in this rundown all day.� Mind of MBGPIBH: �I don�t like oatmeal cookies so much. I wonder if it�s the oatmeal.� Mind of Jeter: �NO! That base! I�m waving here! Hello! I�m waving! Third base!� Mind of A-Rod: �Wow, what�s all the waving about. I think Derek�s trying to tell us something!� Mind of Mencia: �Something utterly not funny.� Mind of MBGPIBH: �Um, now, I also like doughnuts, but not the cake ones so much and � oh, hey, Derek�s waving. I better go to third base.� Mind of Jeter: �Whew. Thank you and, oh no, A-Rod, man, you�ve got to run too. Come on, I�m waving here.� Mind of A-Rod: �Is he waving goodbye? Is he leaving? I wonder if I�ll be the shortstop again. Man, I liked being shortstop, you know, I could tell pitchers what to throw and � oh, wait, he�s waving me to second base. Here I go!� No, seriously, this was what they were saying on the radio. He waved them to the next base! What a leader! What a man! Who else in the world could have gotten caught in a rundown long enough to get runners to move up? Wait, did he save a young child from a burning building during the rundown? I believe he did! What a player! What a humanitarian! And then, when Hideki Matsui singled to score both runners, they took it up another step and canonized Jeter. I suppose posts like this are why people don�t believe me when I tell them that I really like Derek Jeter. I do! I really, really, really do. If only people would just stop.

http://joeposnanski.com/joevault/?p=27

[Edgy MD]

"The father could not but Jeterate his daughter..."?

[Guest Trachsel My Tears]

That is some very funny shit right there. I love Posnanski.

[Guest Trachsel My Tears]

they took it up another step and canonized Jeter.

Now, HERE is a concept. I'm imagining a great big cannon, like from the Civil War, sitting at home plate, pointing out towards the deepest part of CF, and them lighting this cartoonish fuse, all sparkling and shit, and the stands filled to standing-room, chanting the countdown "10, 9, 8..." concluding with the Captain making a spectacular takeoff, as John Sterling intones in his robotic fashion, "It is high, it is far...."

I'd buy a ticket for that.

Edited September 9, 2014 by Guest

[Lefty Specialist]

2015 will be the beginning of the Post-Jeter era, and there should be a drinking game where you take a shot for every time Sterling and Waldman mention his name in a season he's not playing in. And don't take Opening Day, take a random game against the White Sox in July. I bet you'll pass out before the sixth inning. Michael Kay will perform this duty on the TV side as well. They'll be bereft without The Captain.

[MFS62]

Trachsel My Tears wrote: they took it up another step and canonized Jeter. Now, HERE is a concept. I'm imagining a great big cannon, like from the Civil War, sitting at home plate, pointing out towards the deepest part of CF, and them lighting this cartoonish fuse, all sparkling and shit, and the stands filled to standing-room, chanting the countdown "10, 9, 8..." concluding with the Captain making a spectacular takeoff, as John Sterling intones in his robotic fashion, "It is high, it is far...."

And Suzyn Waldman will shriek, "OH MY GAWD! Derek Jeter is in the bleachers!"

Later

[Edgy MD]

The funny thing is we've transitioned pretty smoothly over the Steiny years from Guidry to Mattingly to Jeter. Who will take up the banner to represent all that is Yankees about the Yankees? Gardner? Tanaka? I imagine Yankee fans aren't feeling it.

[Guest Mets � Willets Point]

A-Rod, of course, when he slides into the shortstop position next year.

[seawolf17]

loljeter

http://deadspin.com/11-sports-gifs-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity-1632299104

[Ceetar]

loljeter http://deadspin.com/11-sports-gifs-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity-1632299104

I almost scrolled past. that's gold. GOLD.

[Centerfield]

Classy Things Derek Jeter has done this year:

1. Discretely asked teams to forego the fanfare of a farewell tour, instead, focusing on the games to be played.
2. Seeking out Girardi and telling him he should rightfully be dropped in the batting order.
3. Seeking out Girardi and telling him he should rightfully not start any games at SS.
4. Nipping the rumored "Jeter Patch" in the bud and not letting it see the light of day. A source with knowledge of the discussions has quoted Jeter as saying, "That is over the top. How can I wear a patch to commemorate myself? That takes ego to new heights. Besides, it feels morbid. I may not be the player I once was, but I'm not dead yet. In fact, I'm feeling much better. I think I'll go for a walk."

[Guest Trachsel My Tears]

"Today, I consider myself the schmuckiest man in the world. (man-man-man-in-in-in-the-the-the-world-world-world) I may have been given every conceivable break (able-able-able-break-break-break) but I have built those with my keen PR team (pee-pee-pee are-are-are-team-team-team) into the image of the greatest Yankee who ever put on his pants (on-on-on-his-his-his-pants-pants-pants)...."

[Guest Mets Guy in Michigan]

In No. 4, I'm sure he was AIMING for the stands rather than Texiera. Derek doesn't make mistakes.

[dgwphotography]

seawolf17 wrote: loljeter http://deadspin.com/11-sports-gifs-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity-1632299104

Best comment from that bit of heaven: RESPE6T

[Edgy MD]

Derek Jeter is so awesome he made his glove intangible.

[ashie62]

If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours start rubbing your Jeter bobblehead.

[Frayed Knot]

So Jeter is now 0 for his last 24 ABs (and 5 for September)
How cool would it be if this streak continued for all or most of his remaining games?

[G-Fafif]

Andrew Marchand ordered to whip up a humanizing profile of the Captain because they can no longer write about his on-field excellence. He comes up with, "Derek kidded me about not seeing a movie. He's wonderful!"

He could not believe I've never seen "American History X." He wanted my review, and he asked me a couple of times if I had seen it yet. I explained that I've got a job, a family, etc. Not everyone can just watch a movie whenever they want to. He joked that he was cutting me off.

David Lennon, meanwhile, begs us to look away from Jeter's no longer spinnable performance and simply bask in his gentle goodness.

What does it all mean in the final equation? Not much, I guess. Jeter deserves to be a first-ballot Hall of Famer and has been treated like one every step toward his retirement. The fact that he's played more games (132) than anyone else on the Yankees but Jacoby Ellsbury (143) and Brett Gardner (135) is remarkable. And that includes 121 games at shortstop, a high-impact position we didn't think his surgically repaired ankle could handle for an entire season. Girardi has remained loyal, Jeter, but he's also had a built-in alibi: Most of the lineup has been worse. Tinkering with a Yankees legend was pointless. The juice wasn't worth the squeeze. The Yankees didn't fail this season because Jeter didn't have the kind of year we're used to celebrating from him. Maybe we just wanted a better farewell party for him and ran out of suggestions on how to make it happen. Right now, we'll settle for a memorable two weeks.

If his first-ballot Hall of Fame career has been so memorable, what difference does it make how his final two weeks unfurl? Gads, how they want him to be interesting and he just isn't and never was. The thing they admired him for -- he was always about winning and blah blah blah -- is no longer in play and they desperately want him to be a person after 20 years of being a robot so they can canonize him on both counts.

[Lefty Specialist]

The juice wasn't worth the squeeze.

In other words, tinkering to try to win ballgames wasn't worth it if you were going to be perceived as disrespecting The Captain. So the last two weeks isn't about trying to make the playoffs, it's about savoring every little drop of Captainness.

Somewhere in hell, George Steinbrenner is firing people.

[seawolf17]

Frayed Knot wrote: So Jeter is now 0 for his last 24 ABs (and 5 for September) How cool would it be if this streak continued for all or most of his remaining games?

You know that would never happen, but IF IT DID, I'd bet dollars to donuts that whoever's pitching the last game of the year tells his infield to sit down and lobs one underhand for him.

[Edgy MD]

Edgy MD wrote: The funny thing is we've transitioned pretty smoothly over the Steiny years from Guidry to Mattingly to Jeter. Who will take up the banner to represent all that is Yankees about the Yankees? Gardner? Tanaka? I imagine Yankee fans aren't feeling it.

There's a feeling out there that MLB has spent so long proclaiming Jeter the one pure lamb in a forest of evil wolves that the whole sport is primed for a post-Jeter letdown.

I'm not ready to buy it, but...