You have one bullet

[Centerfield]

Your gun has one bullet left. Do you kill the guy responsible for Jeter's Edge commercial or the guy responsible for Guiseppe Franco?

[Farmer Ted]

Edge gets the bullet. Nothing like seeing a Gary Busey cameo in a Franco commercial.

[Guest Vince Coleman Firecracker]

Edge man, easy. I'm even starting to hate the actors in that commercial. Toll booth lady, taxi driver, besuited politician (?), little league moppets- I'm talking about you.

[Fman99]

Guiseppe Franco can come to my house and eat all of my frozen fruit. It's all good.

But those Edge commercials, hoo boy, I'm at rope's end on that shit.

[seawolf17]

Edge.

Giuseppe Franco actually makes me laugh.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

I was thking about this last night and I would like to add a few write-in candidates:

* "A platinum ownership experience can only be acheived in a Lexus Platinum Owners Network. With amenities that will surpass any and all of your expectaions."

Who wouldn't kill her and her chubby arms? She irritates me more than Jeter anyday.

* The Capital One commercial where they show giant thumbtacks falling from the sky as if to illustrate the blighting of every block in the city with a corporate bank is a good thing. I mean, don;t you come away with the impression that the bank landing there fucks up traffic, inconveniences everyone, dislocates some business you'd actually want to patronize, etc etc.

So, a Big FU to Capital One as well (what kind of name is that anyway?)

* Ron Darling following Seaver as another bank-pitching whore, reminding us that we "might call him the total package." Or the one where he likens a World Series ring to a fucking checking account. Shut up, Ron, or I'll shoot you too.

[Guest Vince Coleman Firecracker]

Commercials I miss that have been replaced by "Jeter has an Edge":

-Computer mechanics on call. "I called the geek, he said a week, what do we do?"

-That anti-smoking ad with the voice box guy. "Nothing will ever be the same. Not even the essimple things."

[bmfc1]

Does anybody believe that Derek Jeter drives a Ford? When he went on a date with Megan Fox, Scarlett Johannsen, Jessica Alba, or Jessica Biel, do you think he drove up to their doors in a Ford?

Same thing with Tiger Woods endorsing Buick. I do not believe that when his hot Swedish wife yells "Eldrick! We're out of bagels!" and he says "I'll run to the Bagel Hut for a dozen", he jumps in a Buick.

(edited for the reason noted below.)

Edited July 30, 2008 by Guest

[Gwreck]

I thought his real first name was Eldrick.

Anyway, definitely the Edge commercials gets the bullet. Nothing else even comes close.

[Centerfield]

Don't forget Foxwoods. "Take a chance, make it happen..."

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: * "A platinum ownership experience can only be acheived in a Lexus Platinum Owners Network. With amenities that will surpass any and all of your expectaions."

I hate people like Lexus who assume they know my expectations. I expect my platinum ownership experience to include season tickets to Citifield, free parking anywhere I want in the city, free gas, and a smoking hot chick (preferably Latvian) to blow me when I'm stuck in traffic.

[Valadius]

Tiger's first name is Eldrick.

[Methead]

bmfc1 wrote: Does anybody believe that Derek Jeter drives a Ford?

I love when he says "Yeah, and I got it with this COOL panoramic vista roof!"

What's going through his head there is, "You chumps. I've got a Porsche for every day of the week... and then some." You can see it in his face.

[soupcan]

Valadius wrote: Tiger's first name is Eldrick.

Elwood is much funnier.

[Benjamin Grimm]

Ron Darling saying "You might say I'm the total package" is nauseating.

Also, I have to say I don't really understand that "Who's my cuddlebear?" commercial. Are they trying to emphasize how annoying it can be to be constantly available?

[Guest themetfairy]

Cuddlebear suxx. But I'd put my bullet in the Edge, go beg for another bullet, and put that one in the Edge also.

[Frayed Knot]

You people don't use the mute button enough.

[Guest Vince Coleman Firecracker]

Frayed Knot wrote: You people don't use the mute button enough.

The mute button does nothing to hide Captain Clutch's strangely puffy face.
Plus, the audio has been burnt into my brain. Just seeing the first frame of that ad sets off the whole thing in my head.

[metirish]

[soupcan]

Those are some serious fucking choppers, man.

[Guest AG/DC]

Being back in Florida brings back the Marlins' big sponsor, sneaking into mlb.tv broadcasts even though they try to cut away to wallpaper mlb merchandise ads across my psyche:

If ya need a car

Truck or van

Who ya gonna call?

MULROONEY'S!

So tremendously bush-league, but they had the scratch to buy a license for the song, from whichever publisher controls it this week.

[bmfc1]

When they run the horrible Mulrooney's ads, who gets the residuals, Ray Parker, Jr. or Huey Lewis?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Parker_Jr.#Controversy_surrounding_Ghostbusters

[Guest AG/DC]

That was my ancillary point.

[Benjamin Grimm]

I wouldn't be surprised if they were trying to fly under the radar and not pay any residuals to anyone at all.

[G-Fafif]

I've learned through the Edge commercial that the last-channel function doesn't work near quick enough to take me away from the "Jeter? That's guys' got an Edge!" coach character once the commercial starts. Bastard still gets to spit out the entire sentence while I'm fumbling to operate the remote effectively. Then I count off enough seconds to figure it's safe to come back to SNY, only to discover that those sneaks often go Edge commercial, something else, other Edge commercial (the one with the Latino cabdriver).

Ironically, I have occasionally sought refuge at YES during Edge commercials. I'd rather get stuck watching real-time Jeter haughtily question how that last pitch could possibly be a strike if he didn't deign to swing at it than idealized Jeter be praised for his Edge.

If others hadn't made a big deal about G. Franco, I doubt I would have noticed him, so great is the volume of shady infomercial-looking commercials on SNY.

[Guest themetfairy]

I don't think I saw any of the Edge ads last night. I didn't see the entire game, but those ads are usually ubiquitous.

Is it possible that someone is listening to us?

[soupcan]

themetfairy wrote: Is it possible that someone is listening to us?

Absolutely no chance of that whatsoever.

[Benjamin Grimm]

I can't imagine that anyone is listening either. (But it would be nice!)

I wonder, do the Ron Darling Sovereign Bank commercials play during Yankee games on YES? (I never switch over to YES, so I have no idea.)

When I see the Edge commercial come on I hit my TiVo button and then scroll through upcoming programming to see if there are any good movies coming up on TMC, AMC, or HBO.

It's more entertaining to read two-sentence summaries of old Gregory Peck movies than to have to watch that crap. (And that coach is especially annoying!)

[G-Fafif]

The Ron Darling for Sovereign Bank commercials strike me as surreal, as if I woke up on the couch and thought, "How strange -- I just had this dream where Ron Darling is walking around with his shirt untucked, telling me wherever he goes, he makes sure he's comfortable. Then he wanders into a bank. Then he's not there at all, just some teller. And everything is red! Whaddaya suppose it means?"

[Guest AG/DC]

They don't have to be listening to us (and certailnly not me), but they might be listening to the much larger group that may have hit a tipping point around the same time.

[willpie]

I'm Giuseppe Franco'd out. Ask me again in a few months.

Incidentally, I think Giuseppe says, "I don't own anything about it."