Headlines I Don't Expect to See

[Guest Edgy DC]

Or not.

[Centerfield]

Where did the headlines go?

[Guest Edgy DC]

I deleted them. I didn't like them.

Thought I aced the entire thread.

[Centerfield]

I liked them. I was going to work on some of my own during lunch.

But feel free to ace away if you please.

[Guest Edgy DC]

You go.

[Centerfield]

MANNY RAMIREZ PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH CURRENT SITUATION
Says existing contract pays him "Plenty enough to get by"


MICHAEL KAY MAKES INSIGHTFUL, RELEVANT POINT
Announcer can see much more clearly after removing head from anus


SHINGO TAKATSU TESTS POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS
Selig: Reliever won't be reprimanded because "he has no muscles anyway."


KNICKS WIN
Larry Brown cites outscoring other team as key to victory

[Valadius]

DEVIL RAYS HIRE ART HOWE
Former Mets manager to earn $6 million over 4 years

[nymr83]

SORIA-NO!
Mets turn down Texas offer, cite concerns of defense, road stats

[Guest martin]

Gerald "ice" Williams commended for modern pants-wearing style!

"i dunno, i just like em loose", says Williams.

[Guest KC]

Willie Laughs Off Wee Small Balls Internet Quotes
Claims above average testicles. Plans to meet with
Crane Fool Assclowns before the holidays.

[Guest Rotblatt]

HEILMAN CREDITS 2005 RESURGANCE TO "HEART-TO-HEART" WITH DAVID WELLS
"He told me I wasn't drinking enough," says Heilman, "And he was right!"

[Theoldmole]

This is great stuff. Glad you left the thread up, Edgy.

[Guest ABG]

METS TRADE WRIGHT FOR SORIANO
Bush Impeached.

[Elster88]

="Centerfield"] KNICKS WIN Larry Brown cites outscoring other team as key to victory

This made me laugh hard.

[Guest Johnny Dickshot]

METS COMPLETE SUBWAY SWEEP
Randolph-Mazzilli Swap Continues to Pay Dividends

[Benjamin Grimm]

Yanks, Hello Kitty ink licensing deal
Cute cartoon feline to replace famed NY logo on Bombers' caps and unis.

[Guest KC]

No Terrell Owens News to Report
He and legal team oddly silent for entire day,
shares in Walt Disney down 6%

[MFS62]

Rey Ordonez Signs With Mets
Says he will accept a move to second base.

Later

[Guest OlerudOwned]

HI-TOP FADE MAKING COMEBACK
Jose Offerman cited as "pioneer in retro-style"

[Guest Edgy DC]

Mets, Edgy Talk Trade Team Ponders Value of Old Henry Rollins Boxed Set

Fan Asking for Top Prospects

[Guest OlerudOwned]

Worth Petit and Diaz, IMO

[Centerfield]

And to think you almost zapped this thread.

Btw, re-post your originals. I liked the one about the booing.

[Guest Edgy DC]

Struggling Athlete Credits Fan Booing, Harassment in Rebound "Subtle racism, character attacks inspired me and turned my season around!"

"Inspiring" fans offer Indepedence Day treat to struggling athlete. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah. Blah bloozy blah-blah. Blitty titty blah-blah-blah.

[seawolf17]

Edgy, it looks like Jon Heyman wrote that article!

[Guest Edgy DC]

Notice how that booing section is all tan young women with highlights in their hair, plus KC in the foreground.

[Willets Point]

WILLETS POINT WINS SONG PARODY CONTEST
VICTORIOUS SATIRIZER CELEBRATES WITH 7 FIGURE ENDORSEMENT DEALS

[Benjamin Grimm]

I think Willets rope-a-dopes as much as I do.

[Guest SI Metman]

Scott Who?
Mets pitcher Victor Zambrano unanimously wins NL Cy Young

Blast Off
Mets sign Roger Clemens to a 1 year deal

[Zvon]

classic thread!

BOUNTYFUL BELTRAN
Slugger Carlos Beltran says he
will recompensate the Mets 17% of
his base salary for lack of slugging.

[Theoldmole]

WILLETS POINT WINS SONG PARODY CONTEST
In a gesture of amazing magnanimity, adnits Old Mole should have won all along, and relinquishes crown