Tabloid Cover Derby 2017 (Downsized version)

[Benjamin Grimm]

If you've been looking for a way to relive the disappointment, the angst, and the sheer misery of the 2017 Mets season, then you're about to receive some great news!

In a press conference today at Citi Field, it was announced that the 2017 Tabloid Cover Derby will get underway on Monday, November 6. This will be the third time around for the Tabloid Cover Derby. In both of our two previous iterations, the winning cover came from the Daily News and the featured player was Yoenis Cespedes. Will this combination work magic for the third consecutive year? We're about to begin the onerous task of finding out! The winning cover, as always, will be displayed in the lobby of the CPF's international headquarters, Kran Pool Forum Internationella Huvudkontoret in Stockholm, Sweden.

Enthusiasm for this year's Derby is, admittedly, less than it had been in previous years. In 2016, for example, we were able to get Mets legend Rusty Staub and former Miss Sweden, Camilla Hansson, to appear at our kickoff announcement. This year our search for celebrities to attend our announcement ceremony was much more difficult. Even Dwight Bernard canceled on us! We were, however, fortunate enough to get Marty Silver, who worked in the Shea Stadium ticket booth from 1981 through 1983, and Bev Donaldson, who was employed at the U.S. Embassy in Stockholm from 1992 through 1995, to appear at our event. Marty and Bev seem to have made a love connection: after the press conference they were spotted enjoying an early bird special at nearby Kane's Diner in Flushing.



Because the Mets were featured on significantly fewer covers in 2017, this year's Derby will be downsized. In 2015 and 2016, we had 32 first-round polls. In 2017 there will be five rounds instead of six, and the first round will only have 16 polls. With fewer polls, we'll end up spacing them out a little more. Instead of new polls appearing seven days per week, we'll limit the launching of new polls to weekdays. We'll still vote for as many as three covers in each first-round poll, with the one cover that receives the most votes advancing, for the first time this year, directly to the Sweet Sixteen. Another change: In the past, the covers were divided into four chronological groups. After the first round, winners were seeded within each group and each group sent one representative to the Final Four. Beginning in 2017, all first-round winners will be seeded in one large group, so for the first time, an April cover can go against an October cover, for example, as early as in the second round.

In every other way, the Tabloid Cover Derby will be just like it was in the past, except that it won't be any fun. It will be a miserable trip down the darkest corners of Memory Lane.

Be sure to join us on November 6!

[Centerfield]

Gotta applaud BG's sense of duty. This was a shit year. I can't imagine organizing all of this with such shitty source material.

I've always felt a little bad for guys like Gary Apple. Real Mets fans that are forced to conduct themselves professionally and host a post-game show after excruciating losses. We can turn off the TV, curse and rant, and drink. Those guys can't do that.

Thanks BG for setting this up. I'm looking forward to hearing how Maja spent her year.

[Ceetar]

always fun to laugh at the slow decay of print media.

prediction: deGrom is on the winning cover.

[Guest d'Kong76]

Marty looks like he can crack walnuts with those mitts. Welcome
abordick to the lovely couple!

[Lefty Specialist]

Boy, there must be a lot of pain out there on those covers.

[Benjamin Grimm]

It's gonna be a miserable slog!

[Guest d'Kong76]

It will be fun and, if not, perhaps therapeutic!

[MFS62]

We're Mets fans. We can take it.
Its going to be like looking through your high school yearbook and seeing all the girls who turned you down for dates.


Later

[Fman99]

I'll meet you there with a fresh batch of jokes about masturbation and large breasts.

[Guest 41Forever]

I love the Tabloid Cover Derby!!! Surely there will be some good news sprinkled among the ruins! Can't wait to see what the Post punsters did for Travis Taijeron's first career hit or that one day when Smoker didn't let two inherited runners score. Maybe even Sewald's controversial Schaefer win -- "Dud suds???"

I do love the derby and appreciate the effort. Maja -- note correct spelling -- must be wondering what she'll be sitting near for the next year.

[Edgy MD]

I would piss lemon juice for the chance to have Gary Apple's job.

Instead, I'll take the TCD17. All hail Ben.

[Benjamin Grimm]

That tingle of excitement you feel in the atmosphere... that buzz you hear at the water cooler... It's all because the Tabloid Cover Derby is just one week away! Be sure to check in next Monday when the first poll will be posted.

[Benjamin Grimm]

.


PREVIOUSLY ON THE TABLOID COVER DERBY



2015[/bigpurple]

The winning cover, YES-PEDES, from the Daily News, was unveiled at a ceremony in Stockholm, attended by David Wright, U.S. ambassador to Sweden Mark Brzezinski, Swedish King Carl XVI Gustaf and the ghost of Swedish actrees Ingrid Bergman.


After the ceremony, the cover was put on display in the CPF's headquarters lobby in Stockholm. In this photo we get a glimpse of Maja before her celebrity makeover.


When YES-PEDES was eventually displaced in the lobby by the 2016 winner, it went on a world tour. Here we see it in the Louvre in Paris, where it nudged aside Leonardo's Mona Lisa.





2016[/bigpurple]

The 2016 ceremony took place inside the Royal Palace in Stockholm. Terry Collins was joined by Sweden's Queen Silvia, CPF receptionist and Swedish reality show star Maja, children from the Järfälla branch of the Kran Pool Barn Klubb, and the ghost of Swedish actress Greta Garbo. The winning cover, CES BOOM BAH!, was once again from The Daily News.


The ceremony was marred by unrest outside in the streets, where the throng protested the early exit from the competititon of all urine-related Matt Harvey covers.


Maja switched to a more business-like outfit for this photo of CES BOOM BAH! in the CPF lobby.

[Centerfield]

Do we even have room in the budget for ghosts this year? I feel like you are just going to replace them with old guys and hope we don't notice.

[Benjamin Grimm]

We may just have to recruit some random Swedes who happen to be passing by on the day of the ceremony.

[Guest d'Kong76]

That unrest on the streets photo is just too funny.

[bmfc1]

Duda's appearance in The Louvre is always good for a laugh, especially because he's facing the wrong way.

[Guest 41Forever]

Love the dog going through the trash. Looks like some interesting people near the elevators, but I can't quite see who they are!

[Benjamin Grimm]

Reminder, because we've downsized this year, there will be no new Tabloid Cover Derby polls on weekends. Voting will resume on Monday.

[Centerfield]

Closed? This is bullshit. I walked all the way over here in 25 degree weather.

Guess I’ll look for a Starbucks or something.

[seawolf17]

Centerfield wrote: Closed? This is bullshit. I walked all the way over here in 25 degree weather. Guess I’ll look for a Starbucks or something.

We told you not to come all the way here to Stockholm. Much warmer in New Yor--- oh, wait.

[Benjamin Grimm]

Even though today's poll only takes us through May 8, we're actually now halfway through the first round. The number of covers devoted to the Mets dropped dramatically once the fact that the Mets season was a disaster became old news.

This year's Tabloid Cover Derby includes 35 covers from April, 49 from May, 31 from June, 17 from July, 8 from August and 6 from September. In the "offseason" category we have 9 from October (mostly thanks to the Mets' change of managers) and 2 so far from November. (Any covers that are published before the day of the last poll, November 29, will be eligible.)

[Ceetar]

Benjamin Grimm wrote: (Any covers that are published before the day of the last poll, November 29, will be eligible.)

So still a chance the winner hasn't even been written yet.

[Benjamin Grimm]

Yes. It's less likely that a November cover will win, but if the Mets make a "big splash" over the next two weeks, it could happen.

[Centerfield]

Can we get a rule clarification?

If it comes out that any of the competing covers had inappropriate contact with underage girls, does that result in an automatic disqualification?

Or does that mean that the cover becomes Senator?

[Benjamin Grimm]

That's something that I'll let the people in Stockholm (and Gloria Allred) decide.

[Benjamin Grimm]

We'll once again be taking a break for the weekend, but we have winners from the five polls that were posted last week. Each of these covers will advance to the second round and to the Sweet Sixteen:

[Benjamin Grimm]

We'll be taking a longer weekend break this time around because of the Thanksgiving holiday. Today's poll will be the last until Monday, November 27. Next week we'll see the final three polls from the first round. After that, there will be another break, and second-round voting will begin on Wednesday, December 6.

[Edgy MD]

I've tweeted to back page editors for all three NYC tabloids to promote the Derby. I think betting will be heavy.

[Benjamin Grimm]

Let us know if you get any responses! (And if you do, we'll have to translate them to Swedish and forward to the home office.)