Centerfield

We need a creative writing thread so I can stop reading these freakishly boring spring training articles. Anyway. Premise is that you are a superstar ballplayer. This is your first spring training with the Mets. Reporters gather around as you pull into the parking lot. They see right away that: 1. You are driving a: 2. You are wearing: 3. And of course, the shoes are: 4. As you get closer, reporters can hear ________ blasting from your speakers. 5. Pulling in, they look in your passenger seat and see: 6. You turn off your engine, get out, and say:

I love that Cespedes's cars have caused me to do some self-reflection. I've found myself wondering what kind of car I would drive if I were suddenly in my 20's and a superstar ballplayer. I'm pretty sure I would drive a restored '67 Camaro. Though I can see myself going the super-douchy rap star giant black SUV route too. With spinning rims. Any car I drive would have neon blue underlighting.

I love that this is his practical car.

And look! There's Dan Warthen!

Wait, is that Bartolo?

...or at least was the talk of the town, until Lucas Duda pulled up in his sweet new ride.

Lefty Specialist wrote: I just hope he doesn't kill himself in that thing. This. Even if he hits a Mini Cooper it'll look like he got run over by a Mack truck.

I don't like it. Once in a while is ok. This is overkill. Let them create their own history.

I would pull him if we're down by eight Or leading big, and the pen looks great But for those games that fall between I do not know Mex17

Sad to hear this. I feel like we just lost Darryl Hamilton. Not a great time to be a black former-Mets outfielder. Someone go wrap Mookie in bubble tape.

Wow, kudos to the Mets for taking the lead on this. And they still take print-at-home tickets too! What a good week to be a Mets fan. Who do you think will be featured in the after-game concert? My money is on Toby Keith.

seawolf17 wrote: Edgy MD wrote: He came out of a small school (Charleston Southern, 3,600 students) where he was as skinny as a rail, swung between the pen and starting, and put up an 8.86 ERA his last year there, and got nonetheless taken in the ninth round by a Mets team that saw something. #scouting That's my lingering memory; he was drafted despite awful stats, and became a solid part of our bullpen for years. Yeah, he was definitely one of those "hidden gems" we saw alot of a few years ago. Parnell, Niese, Murphy, Duda and deGrom were all sleeper picks that turned into very good, serviceable big league ballplayers. Justin Turner too.

I wonder if there is something about a Maserati that attracts douchy guys. I don't know if it's just coincidence, but in real life, it seems to me like a disproportionate number of douchy guys own Maseratis. And I know guys who own Porsches, and other sports cars, and these guys have never really struck me as unusually douchy (though once you drive a sports car, I think there is a base level of douchiness that is hard to shake. Just my opinion). So I don't think it's sports cars in general. Just the Maserati guys. I don't know. I don't know the first thing about sports cars. Would be interested to see if anyone else sees this trend and if there is any reason for it.

I remember when he came up he had the blazing fastball that would get too much plate. He had no real secondary pitches. I thought he would suck. Reminded me of Kane Davis. Then he learned the knuckle curve from Izzy, learned to move that fastball around, and became a very good pitcher. I thought he could be part of a great bullpen last year. But it never came to pass. Would have loved for him to get a shot on a minor league deal, but I understand you can't bring back everyone. Had a dumb beard.

I think a lot will be determined by how Wilmer looks at 1B. If he can be serviceable, then I think the need to make any move is lessened. If he can't do it, then I think Ben Grimm is right and we will look to bring in a Rayburn type. I think both De Aza and Tejada being on the bench are moves that we would not have made if we had known how things would break this winter. But that's baseball.

Wow. That's crazy. With that double-down you just took New Hampshire.

Benjamin Grimm wrote: Maybe he can join a bowling league! We at the Oakhill Township Adult Bowling League take objection to the characterization that any disgraced athlete can simply sign up and join the league. The OTABL has always adhered to the strictest, most cutting edge, measures when it comes to performance-enhancing drugs. We would like to remind the public that we started testing in 1996, six years before Major League Baseball. We are disappointed in Benjamin Grimm's comments in the wake of the Jenrry Mejia suspension. Although we know those comments were made in jest, they still cast a negative light on the elite athletes of the OTABL. We hope that Mr. Grimm, being in a position of influence, will be more careful with his words in the future.

I don't know. Seems very strange. Let's introduce time out, a means to stop the game clock, to a sport that has no game clock. I guess I could get used to it. The biggest adjustment would be pitching changes without a mound conference. Seems completely foreign right now, but they might be on to something here. Even if the timeouts don't work, this makes a lot of sense. Talk to your guy from the dugout phone before bringing him in. Also, I know I'm in the minority on this, but I got no issue with the length of games. Now that my kids are old enough to sit through them, there's no place I'd rather be. In fact, I went to see the Syracuse game in December and I felt like I barely settled in before the game was over (college basketball games are about 2 hours). And if I'm watching at home? Hell. Play all night.

Lifetime ban. Gone. Idiot.

Q: So you think Derek Jeter was smart for not getting married his entire career? A: Or maybe he didn’t find the right one. Sorry Wilmer. The correct answer here is: Who?

In Wilmer's defense, I don't know if he's as picky as he comes across. A lot of leading in those questions. Some of them you can't help but answer the way he did: Q: Describe the right girl. A: First of all, she’s gotta be fun. She’s gotta get along with everybody, ’cause I’ve had girlfriends that didn’t get along with everybody, and I hated that. I just gotta meet her and see (laugh). That one's open ended. Wilmer definitely wants a fun girl. Q: Physically, do you have a certain type? A: She’s gotta be tall. This is a tough one. Say you want a pretty girl, and you're labeled as shallow. You can't say "thin", or else you're a fat-shamer. You can't say you want a giant set of cans because, well, I'm not sure why, but in my experience it doesn't go over well. So you go with tall. It's a safe answer. Q: Athletic? A: She’s gotta work out a little bit. What's he going to say? No, I want a lazy slob? Come on Steve Serby. Q: Would you want a girl similar to your mother as far as certain characteristics? A: Yes, yes. "Absolutely not Steve. Have you met my mom? She's a total bitch. I want my wife to be nothing like her. Controlling, close-minded, selfish. No way. Plus she's short." Q: And those characteristics would be what? A: She’s dedicated. She’s a good girl, she’s not a party girl, and she knows what she wants. WTF STEVE. YOU WANT ME TO COMPARE MY MOTHER TO MY FUTURE GF? I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS. IS THIS SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE DATING? THERE ARE VERY FEW WAYS TO ANSWER THIS WITHOUT COMING OFF WEIRD AND CREEPY.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: For a guy who brings, like, one tool to the table, he's looking for a pretty versatile talent. Punch your weight, Willy. I mean seriously. Who does he think he is? Asdrubal Cabrera?

You know, the game needs to bring back busty women who rush the field and kiss ballplayers. I think they need that even more than they need bullpen cars.

Wait, so is this going to double as the 2016 Yankee thread? Or should we start a separate thread for MFY criminals only?

Edgy MD wrote: Not unless you discount 1998 pinch-running specialist Ralph Milliard. Ralph was Curaçao-born, but raised in the Netherlands. Having another "How the fuck to these people know this shit" moment.