Fman99

Hey, Omar Infante, why don't you be a good boy and go fuck off somewhere.

I just look hammered.

Nice gun there by Nickeas.

I thought that last night. Wayne Hagin blows.

Went with Niese in a close call over Gee.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: I'd like him at 2/16-20. I don't think it works out that way. Yep, same thing I thought. Two year deal at 7-8 mil per. But he'll be looking for [crossout]Jeter[/crossout] stupid overpaid old guy money.

He's got my vote. And I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he's the hitting coach?

Dickey vs. Marquis. Once again, thanks to the shitdicks at Verizon/FIOS, I will be tuning in on my phone using the MLB Gameday app.

Put it in the books!

That is some bad ass relief work right there.

One big K there for DJ. Let's get one more, please, mmmmkay?

Enough Parnell for me. Give him the hook Skipper.

Is Bay allowed to hit doubles? I thought there was something in the bylaws about him sucking out loud at every moment while holding pine. In other news Pence to Philly

Farmer Ted wrote: Stress fracture in the lower back? Nothing personal trainer Molly Beers can't handle. I know I always feel better after I pound a few Beers.

batmagadanleadoff wrote: I made so many homosexual jokes that Paul Lynde rose (ahem) from the grave. How appropriate.

Buying tickets today for Fboy and I, and themetfairy and a guest, for Thursday 8/11 matinee. Anyone else want in on this? I will buy the tix up front so we can all sit together....

Hello, and welcome to Loudmouths! I'm Chris Carlin, and this is Adam Schein. You may know us as two bloated windbags who inexplicably have our own television show on the SNY network. I know what you're thinking; you'd rather listen to your own parents humping than the two of us dissecting the minutiae of your beloved 2011 New York Mets, but that's too damn bad for you. That's right, Chris. We're going to do a new segment here on the Blowhards show called "Know Thy Enemy." This segment we'll be previewing the Mets upcoming weekend match up against the 2011 Washington Nationals, on the eve of a three game series in our nation's capital. So, first up is the catcher's position, manned "ably" by a couple of bloated corpses with the names Wilson Ramos and Jesus Flores on their backs. Ramos has gotten the most playing time this year and is hitting to the tune of a .239 batting average, with 9 HRs and 33 ribbies. Flores was called up to back up Ramos due to a Pudge Rodriguez injury. You know, Chris, I prefer to be the "catcher" myself when engaging in man-play, if you know what I mean. I sure do, Adam. You're a real hog-swiller. Which is cool. Let's talk about the first basemen's spot. This year's breakout player in DC has been Michael Morse, a long time minor leaguer who is finally had a chance to shine. Just like your head, Chris! That's right, fisty. He's batting a cool .312 with 17 HRs and 56 RBIs and has been an anchor for them in their lineup this year. YOU'RE AN ANCHOR TO ME CARLIN YOU FUCKING TOADSTOOL. OK, sorry, I'm off my meds today. At second base you've got hotshot rookie Danny Espinosa, having a surprising season at the dish. Despite a weak .234 batting average he's hit 17 HRs and 55 RBIs, to go along with 48 runs and 12 steals. He's also got dreamy eyes and he sends me cock pictures on Twitter. Gross! At the keystone the Nats trot out a more highly touted prospect, Ian Desmond, who's been more disappointing this year. Hitting just .225 with minimal power, aside from the 20 SBs he hasn't brought much to the table hitting wise. You know, you bring a lot to the table, Chris. Like 380 lbs. worth. OH NO YOU DI-INT ADAM! See? We're loud mouthed, get it? Ugh, where's my gun? OK, let's move on. At the third base spot you've got Ryan Zimmerman, who's batting at .251 with just 5 HRs and 19 RBIs. He's missed a decent chunk of 2011 due to injuries which has been a recurring theme for him in his career. You know, a recurring theme for your career would be "plays the part of a obnoxious boor with back hair," Adam. Fair enough, DJ Chunky! In the outfield, Chris, we've got the wildly overpaid Jayson Werth in right, with his stupid beard and powerfully disappointing hitting numbers (.215, 11 HRs, just 31 RBIs and 12 SBs). This guy's a bigger burden than you must have been as a child, there, King Kong Bundy. In center and left field the Nationals are trotting out the Pu Pu platter of Laynce Nix, Rick Ankiel, Roger Bernadina and the recently acquired Jonny Gomes. These guys couldn't even score with your sister, Adam. True dat! On to the pitchers, after we spend this commercial break fondling each other across these stupid barstools we sit on. Don't go away. (Cut to the fucking PSAs and Jeter Edge commercials and Mets fans muttering at their TVs) (Carlin and Schein wiping goo off their faces) And we're back! The Nationals will be bringing in some polished turds this weekend to pitch. Friday night will match Dillon Gee up against the 2011 debut of one time Yankee hurler Chien Mien Wang. He's been slaving away the 2011 season in Syracuse. You know, I hear that that town is populated entirely with well hung and urbane Jewish men, Carlin. Let's get on a bus right now! Easy there, you sack lapper. We've got to finish talking about the Nationals in LOUD VOICES! Oh, right. Anyhoo, Saturday's matchup features knuckler R.A. Dickey against the Nats' Jason Marquis. This guy eats innings the way you eat subs, Chris. That is to say, by relaxing the throat muscles and taking the entire load in one shot. Marquis is sporting an 8-5 record and a 3.95 ERA. Sunday we've got Niese against the Nationals' Jordan Zimmermann. This young hurler has just a 6-9 record but a spiffy 3.27 ERA to show. He's a guy with promise. Just like I promised not to call you a toilet, Adam. Oh, whoops. It's all good, egghead. The Nationals' closer is another young guy, Drew Storen, who's 5-2 this year with 25 saves and a 2.37 ERA. The other key guys you'll see out of their pen include Tyler Clippard, Todd "Extra Large Cup of" Coffey, and Sean Burnett. Any former Mets playing in DC, there, shitdick? Yes sir! You've got former Mets farmhand Jesus Flores as the backup catcher as well as Alex Cora, always a threat to come in and strike out late in a game as a flailing pinch hitter. Livan Hernandez also sports the Nats colors though we thankfully won't get him this weekend. And lets not forget the skipper of this train wreck, former Mets hero Davey Johnson. AND BROTHER OF METS PLAYER SCOTT HAIRSTON, JERRY HAIRSTON, JR.! WHY ARE YOU YELLING? I DON'T KNOW I THINK I'M HAVING AN ANEURYSM! OK THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD SPOT TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK! ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK! (Schein and Carlin morph into the Martians from the Tim Burton film "Mars Attacks" and start blasting SNY crew members with ray guns. Fade to black.)

Known for his hanging slider.

Dillon Gee (thang) vs. Chien Mien Wang. May the force be with me/us/the Mets.

Maybe if you jumpy bastards had let me start an IGT streak earlier this season we'd still have Beltran. Having said that, YOU'RE WELCOME. Fman now 4-0 on the ol' IGT wagon. And away we go! I got to listen to the first two innings on my phone and the last one in the car, missed most of the hitting. The WP loomed large when it happened and bigger still when Votto went yard. KTE will be posted in the morning.

Julio Franco prodding his ass out of the dugout in 2006 for a curtain call after that early season HR. Fare thee well, Carlos. Loved watching this guy hit, run down balls in center field, and make it all look stupid easy, like he was in a sandlot game against a bunch of moes.

Muffie a scalding 9 for 14 in Cincy.