Make MFY Great Again (KTE)

[Fman99]

Ok, so, you know how busy I am, working so hard for the American people. And yet, I’m going to stop all this Presidenting I’m doing all day and help you guys know what you’re up against this week when your team plays the greatest team out there, the New York Yankees.

And I guess that really, the Yankees are like me. They just win. I mean, no one thought I was going to win, but then BAM! I got 306 electoral votes! So, anyway, let’s go through their lineup.



At catcher, you got, uh, what’s his name? Gary Sanchez (.269/19/55)? OK, so I’m told he’s from the Dominican Republic. So that’s one of those countries south of my wall that I didn’t build yet, but, uh, lemme tell you, once you pay for that wall, no more Gary Sanchezes, OK?

At first base, Chase Headley (.272/7/45). Chase, you know, that reminds me, can I tell you this story? We’re not the boy scouts here or anything. I used to “chase” these beauty pageant contestants around in the dressing rooms and boy, these girls were fast! Hard to grab em by their Jeters, if you get me. Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah, that’s right, 306 electoral votes! Shocked the world!



So, second base, speaking of second base, you got this kid Ronald Torreyes (.287/3/31) filling in for Starlin Castro, and he’s from Venezuela, so, you know, he’s not a voter, so I don’t really have much to say to him. Of course, I’m sure he cast 100 illegal votes for crooked Hillary, so, you know, it’s a big scam. I got so many votes! Did you see the crowds at my inauguration?

At short, Didi Gregorious (.312/18/56). And I know, cause I went to a real good school and all, that “gregorious” also means … uh, it’s a word, I know that! It means something! I am gonna get Mooch to look into that as he’s my new communications guy! So, let me call Mooch now Aw, hell, OK. Let’s keep going.



Third base! We got Todd Frasier (.213/19/53). He’s hitting .213, so, I’m thinking I should fire him. Tell you what, I’m gonna have that Huckaroo gal report back to you in a press conference and let you know what I’m gonna do, cause she’s doing a bang up job too.

Left field you got Brett Gardner (.254/19/49). He’s from South Carolna, you know, that’s one of the states where these awesome patriots all live! Yeah, you know, you can tell, cause they got that neat-o flag with the big X on it. Man that thing is cool! Oh, OK, so that’s a Confederate flag. I like it, good name!




Center field, Aaron Hicks (.280/11/39). I’m not going to say anything bad about hicks. Those guys are the reason I’m here!

Right field, Aaron Judge (.289/35/78). I don’t have anything nice to say about any judge. They took my beautiful ban and said it was mean. Like three times! It’s like it doesn’t matter what color crayon I write that in, they keep sending it back. MEANIES.



Pitching matchup for game 1 is Rafael Montero against, uh TBD? TBD is what Melania tells me when I try to get all up in her Tasters’ Choice. Like, hey, trophy wife, how bout I break a piece off, drive one down your fairway? And she says “TBD,” like, well maybe, to be determined. What kind of nonsense is that? I’ll get Suzyn Waldman on the phone, she’s always down for a party.

Game 2, uh, deGrom against Sonny Gray. Sonny, that reminds me of my son Eric. I think clearly his mama was smoking during the pregnancy. Have you gotten a good luck at this guy?



Forget it. I’d rather hang out in a bathtub with Rosie O’Donnell.



Game 3. Lugo vs. Jamie Garcia (5-9, 4.50). Well, I’m amazed, a girl in the major leagues! This Jamie chick is a real dish, I hear, too. I like em that way OK so it’s a guy names Hy-may apparently. This is why we can’t let these people serve in the army! Too much confusion.

Game 4. Matz vs Luis Severino (9-5, 3.32). OK, I’m done here, I missed the last four hours of CNN and they might have said something about me. I gotta go rewind my DVR.

[MFS62]

Grab 'em by the Jeters?
Instant classic!

Later

Edited August 14, 2017 by Guest

[G-Fafif]

At last, a reason for this presidency.

It can end now.

[Guest cooby]

This is great!

[Guest Mets Willets Point]

Terrible and awesome at the same time.

[metirish]

Haha, great stuff Fman

[Lefty Specialist]

I laughed.
I cried.
I threw up in my mouth a little.
Then I laughed again.

[A Boy Named Seo]

Man, Trump really does make some disgusting faces.

Good stuff, Eff-Man.

[Centerfield]

He’s from South Carolna, you know, that’s one of the states where these awesome patriots all live! Yeah, you know, you can tell, cause they got that neat-o flag with the big X on it. Man that thing is cool! Oh, OK, so that’s a Confederate flag. I like it, good name!

Absolutely within the realm of possibility.

[Edgy MD]

Here's a race worth taking an interest in.

Player	Age	G	PA	HR	RBI	BB	SO	BA	OBP	SLG	OPS	OPS+	WAR
Aaron Judge (season)	25	112	489	35	78	86	155	.289	.419	.603	1.022	164	5.9
Aaron Judge (career)	25	139	584	39	88	95	197	.270	.394	.558	.952	146	5.6
Michael Conforto (season)	24	99	403	26	64	53	102	.285	.392	.576	.969	151	3.5
Michael Conforto (career)	24	264	945	47	132	106	230	.258	.350	.501	.851	126	6.9

[Fman99]

Now, I know, it's 0-2 in the Bronx, but, now, we go over to Queens, and I don't have to tell you, I don't think "queens" are very American. I'm not saying don't be gay, I'm just saying, that the vagina has TWO SIDES to it. Or you know, labia, sides, whatever.

John Rocker, now, that guy was a real innovator! What happened to that cracker ass cracker?

Mets fans, if you need me, I'll be Steve Bannon-ing myself over here in the corner, thinking about tearing down statues and how persecuted I am and how unfair the world is.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

I can't even look at this thread. The calls for his resignation have to begin now.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: I can't even look at this thread. The calls for his resignation have to begin now.

Like, it's a great effort, and funny... but it just isn't funny to me right now.