Brevity is Wet: One Sentence Commerical Summaries, 2016

[Fman99]

Bearded douche shills for Chevy.

[Fman99]

Fman99 wrote: Bearded douche sells Chevys, unconvincingly.

Oh, man, apparently, this one has bothered me already.

[Lefty Specialist]

'Describe this car using just emojis'.

[Fman99]

Smoking is bad, mmmkay, because you'll wake up in your bed not being able to breathe because of the 'zema, so, don't smoke, mkay? Mkay!

[Fman99]

Mex and Walt want to watch dark-bearded men bone and bone again some more, thanks to the rejuvenating powers of "Just for Men."

[Lefty Specialist]

Winning small amounts of money is preferable to eating dog food.

[Lefty Specialist]

If Jon Bon Jovi could really turn back time, would he tell his agent that he wanted no part of those weird Time Warner commercials?

[Edgy MD]

Bobby Valentine fancies himself an energetic leader, realizes he's an extinct fossil.

[Fman99]

Hillbilly actor discusses dinner choices with lean dogs.

[Guest cooby]

Edgy MD wrote: Bobby Valentine fancies himself an energetic leader, realizes he's an extinct fossil.

Oh how sad! Which one is that?

[Edgy MD]

cooby wrote: Edgy MD wrote: Bobby Valentine fancies himself an energetic leader, realizes he's an extinct fossil. Oh how sad! Which one is that?

It took me a while to figure out what they were pitching. New Relic business analytics software, apparently a vendor used by MLB.

[Guest d'Kong76]

Buy tickets with no fees for all remaining home games; but do it
quick because this nonsense last only another day or two.

[Fman99]

Nothing more ghoulish than local commercials for mortuary services, a unique avenue for locals to express a sincere desire to handle your beloved dead relatives.

[Frayed Knot]

Cuervo Rum touts itself as the official drink of the Rolling Stones tour in 1972 with their song not released until six years later.

[Fman99]

Subway customers are douchey.

[HahnSolo]

John Leguizamo needs a new agent.

[MFS62]

They use finger puppets in SNY commercials because no real actor wants to appear in one.

Later

[Fman99]

Danny DeVito isn't a big enough star to acquire his own pussy. Even in Los Angeles.

[Lefty Specialist]

Fman99 wrote: Danny DeVito isn't a big enough star to acquire his own pussy. Even in Los Angeles.

Yeah, but having George Clooney as your wingman.....priceless.

[Frayed Knot]

In an alternate Pepsi universe, Odell Beckham Jr scores touchdowns.

[Frayed Knot]

Wells Fargo Bank buts time to say that they're going to give back all the money they recently stole from their customers.
That's really nice of them, don't you think?

[Zvon]

The llama. He sucks. And they keep running him out.

[bmfc1]

Bryce Harper asks if he just hit a walk-off homerun but the chances of that are zero.

[MFS62]

You can control your cell phone bill, but not your kids.

Later

[Frayed Knot]

I haven't been in a movie theatre in at least six months but was seeing previews for this HACKSAW RIDGE movie at least as far back as the last time I was at a flick and maybe even a couple trips before that ... and it's still not out yet!!

[Guest cooby]

Could somebody please explain those Lincoln ads to me? I must be missing something.



Nice to hear Cat Stevens, btw

[Guest d'Kong76]

They want both (voting) sides of the aisle to buy a Jeep?

[Zvon]

I wanna see US ARMY. Thats commercial makes it look like a good movie.

[MFS62]

Zvon wrote: I wanna see US ARMY. Thats commercial makes it look like a good movie.

The commercial is better than the real thing.
You can trust me on this one.

Later

[Centerfield]

Frayed Knot wrote: Wells Fargo Bank buts time to say that they're going to give back all the money they recently stole from their customers. That's really nice of them, don't you think?

It actually is.

Have you met other banks?