If I Were A Wilpon

[G-Fafif]

The Mets scene, set to the score from Fiddler On The Roof, here. Inspired in part by the musical numbers the NY chapter of BBWAA used to put on every winter until Bill Madden did away with them.

[Guest d'Kong76]

Ooops, we cross-posted.

[G-Fafif]

No complaints!

[Guest themetfairy]

An instant classic - kudos!

[Zvon]

CONTENTION!

I wanna hear that performed.

[Theoldmole]

You've got a hit.

[Lefty Specialist]

If I were a Wilpon, I'd sell the team immediately. But, alas.

[Edgy MD]

I'd hang onto the team with my teef.

[MFS62]

I tried my hand at parodies of some other Broadway shows. (Not sure if I posted them here)
Enjoy,
Later

***************************************************************************
If you�ve seen the movie �West Side Story� you�ll remember the scene in which the kids gang called the Jets are sitting on the steps in front of an apartment building and suddenly get rousted by the neighborhood police officer named Officer Krupke. But what if that happened today, with the kids sitting there talking about the Mets? And their gang was called the Mets? Maybe this would have been their song:

Enjoy,
Later
******************************************
ACTION
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke,
You gotta understand,
It's just their chokin� up-ke
That gets us out of hand.
They�re hittin� like they�re flunkies,
They�re all like in a slump.
Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks!

ACTION AND METS
Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset;
They never drive in crucial runs that they oughta� get.
They ain't no bad people,
They�re not misunderstood.
They just gotta� start using all that wood!

ACTION
Swing the wood!

ALL
Swing the wood; Swing the wood,
There is untapped good!
If they just started swingin� all that wood!

SNOWBOY: (Spoken) that�s a touchin' good story.

ACTION: (Spoken) Lemme tell it to the world!

SNOWBOY: Just tell it to the judge.

ACTION
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,
The season�s going rough.
They�re stranding all those runners,
New guys, but same old stuff.
As a fan they thought they had me,
But somehow I was had.
Leapin' lizards! That's why I'm so mad!

DIESEL: (As Judge) Right!

Officer Krupke, you're really a square;
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.
He's psychologic'ly disturbed!

ACTION
I'm disturbed!

JETS
We're disturbed, we're disturbed,
We're the most disturbed,
Like we're psychologic'ly disturbed.

DIESEL: (Spoken, as Judge) In the opinion on this court, this child is depraved on account he roots for a team that can�t get runners home.

ACTION: (Spoken) Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived.

DIESEL: So take him to a headshrinker.

ACTION (Sings)
Cairo is a choker,
They got Beltran hittin� three.
Clutch hittin� they ain�t mastered,
And Cameron swings too free.
Piazza needs to grow his moustache,
Menky should wear a dress.
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

A-RAB: (As Psychiatrist) Yes!
Officer Krupke, you're really a slob.
This boy don't need a doctor, just let them all do their job.
Society's played him a terrible trick,
And sociologic'ly he's sick!

ACTION
I am sick!

ALL
We are sick, we are sick,
We are sick, sick, sick,
Like we're sociologically sick!

A-RAB: In my opinion, this child don't need to have his head shrunk at all. He roots for a team with an anti-RBI disease!

ACTION: Hey, they got an RBI disease!

A-RAB: So take him to a social worker!

ACTION
Dear kindly social worker,
The team I root for sucks.
They should all be a soda jerkers,
Which means like be a schumck.
They�re not all anti-social,
This is their only quirk.
Gloryosky! That's why I'm a jerk!

BABY JOHN: (As Female Social Worker)
Eek!
Officer Krupke, you've done it again.
This team jus don�t need hitters, it needs some help in the pen.
It ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Deep down inside them, they�re no good!

ACTION
They�re no good!

ALL
They�re no good, They�re no good!
They�re no earthly good,
The team we love is no damn good!

DIESEL (As Judge)
The trouble is they�re crazy.

A-RAB (As Psychiatrist)
They just hit little dinks.

BABY JOHN (As Female Social Worker)
The trouble is they�re lazy.

DIESEL
The trouble is they stink.

A-RAB
The trouble�s leads they�re blowing.

BABY JOHN
The Trouble�s games they�ve blown.

ALL
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke,
We're down on our knees,
'Cause no one wants a team with anti- RBI disease.
Gee, Officer Krupke,
What are we to do?
Gee, Omar Minaya,
Krup you!

And
_____________________________________________________________________________
To all Mets fans, the dream of a World Series Flag flying over Shea was our version of �Camelot�. And we hoped that trading for Darryl Hamilton would bring us closer to that dream.

Spoken intro:
It's time, it's time, the need for help was clear
Our outfield defense was what we feared.

Sung:
An outfield trade was what we needed most here
Bell and Payton�s gloves were not so hot
Colorado had a guy that we should get, for
Our outfield spot.

So close we couldn�t wait until December
So Hamilton was the old guy to fill that spot
He hit and fielded well all through September
He wasn�t shot.

Hamilton, Hamilton
He could run and hit �em far
Hamilton, Hamilton
In the chase, that�s what we are.

In day games, or those played after sundown
He hit three-three-nine and heard the fans all cheer
While giving us the glove that we had wished for
We were in the hunt for the rest of that fun year.


INSTRUMENTAL interlude

Hamilton, Hamilton
His name still brings me to a pause
�Cause in Hamilton, Hamilton
We saw no major flaws

A Series banner wasn�t raised upon a hill side
The visions of a Title disappeared
In short, there is still an open spot
For our never-ending dreams of Camelot

[Vic Sage]

Far From The Team I Loved

How can I hope to bear the grief I feel
Which I do, when I do,
That's why I won't drive on down to CitiField
Where lives the team I love.

Once I was happily content to be
Going there, cheering them,
There among the fans who sat right next to me,
Where lived the team we loved.

Who could see that Madoff would come
And would change the shape of my dreams?
Helpless now I yell at Fred,
Watching as our team lies dead.

Oh, what a melancholy choice this is,
staying home or paying him,
Closing my heart to the team that lives
there, out on Citi field.

There where my heart once settled long ago
I can't go, I can't go,
Who could imagine I'd be straying so
Far from the team I love
Yes, now with my team, I'm done.

[batmagadanleadoff]

There goes the all Fiddler on the Roof themed Mets song parody contest I was planning. Now what am I gonna do?

[MFS62]

batmagadanleadoff wrote: There goes the all Fiddler on the Roof themed Mets song parody contest I was planning. Now what am I gonna do?

You could go to Plan B - Yentl.

Later

[batmagadanleadoff]

MFS62 wrote: batmagadanleadoff wrote: There goes the all Fiddler on the Roof themed Mets song parody contest I was planning. Now what am I gonna do? You could go to Plan B - Yentl. Later

I'd prefer to wait a little while until Prince whips up some top notch Yentl themed Mets song parodies. This way, I can gladly scrap Plan B.