Fman99

This entire thread is a bad ass.

I expect him to Rape Anally the competition. 17-5, 3.22 ERA, 170 K, best quotes, hot wife. Kills Bin Laden. Legalizes dope and brings me some sticky bud.

He's my favorite DJ of 2011. When he puts on the record the house starts jumpin. Do kids still like the disco?

No one will EVER trade for him. He will NEVER be a productive Met hitter or fielder. The Mets have NEVER show that they will be willing to cut him, or Ollie, and eat their salaries, and thereby also confirming that the contracts were horrific. He will play out the duration of his contract while we all grouse about how much of a zero he is out there. Good times. .240 BA, 0 HR, 30 RBI, 40 runs, 15 SBs, bunting at every fucking opportunity.

27-1, 1.05 ERA, 315 Ks in 240 IP, plows a hot broad all year. It's the year of Capuano.

Fboy and I might also be able to sojourn out to Pittsburgh that weekend.

So if I'm reading this correctly, you're looking for the guys with the most career hits who played at least part of their careers as a Met? Eddie Murray.

.363 BA, 48 HR, 130 RBI, 22 SB, 1 baby rescued from towering inferno, millions of women impregnated simply by witnessing his sheer awesomeness.

The swallows return to Capuano and yet I have an itchy Buchholz.

My boy, still brushing the dumpster dirt and coffee grinds off, twirls a no-no in the Puerto Rican league. Does he get a major league camp invite this February? Not like the 4-5 starter slots are locked down after Niese, Dickey and Pelfrey... PS My earlier joke is still amusing to me... anyone who knows me knows that I am a loving and caring parent. Clearly an adult like Mr. Owen would be able to crawl out of the dumpster. See, that's the joke.

Well Simon closed that guy out.

How does Trammell get so much less respect than Ozzie Smith? Not enough backflips perhaps?

One day to go in the voting, so it seems about time for some brain-bending "here's how I'm voting" columns. Hey, you, the cheery guy in the corner! Jeff Pearlman, step on up! And disagreeing with a markedly superior pal, too? Sure! But, alas, Joe�s still right�perhaps Jeff Bagwell never used. Perhaps, as dozens upon dozens of his teammates turned to steroids and HGH throughout the 1990s and early 2000s (Reality: No two teams in baseball had more PED connections than the Texas Rangers and the Houston Astros), Bagwell looked the other way and continued to pop his GNC-supplied Vitamin C tablets. Maybe, just maybe, that happened. But, as the game was being ruined in his very clubhouse, where was Bagwell�s voice of protest? Where was Jeff Bagwell, one of the best players in baseball, when someone inside the game needed to speak out and demand accountability? Answer: Like nearly all of his peers, he was nowhere. He never uttered a word, never lifted a finger (Now, once he retired, he was more than willing to defend himself and speak up for the sport. Once he was retired). This, to me, is why we are allowed to suspect Jeff Bagwell and, if we so choose, not vote for him. The baseball players have cast this curse upon themselves�A. By cheating (And the usage of PED was, factually cheating. I don�t care how often you say, �It wasn�t outlawed by baseball� blah blag blah blah. In the United States, the obtaining and usage of HGH and steroids without a proper perscription is illegal. And �proper perscription� does not merely mean one given by a doctor. It means one rightly given by a doctor for a necessary medical condition); B. By not standing up against cheating and doing everything to assure a clean product. If he did use, Jeff Bagwell deliberately sought an advantage over other players�an illegal advantage. If he didn�t use, Jeff Bagwell, stood by and watched his sport morph into WWE nonsense. So, again, Joe�s right: Statistically, Jeff Bagwell is a Hall of Famer. And, on a personal note, he was always an approachable and nice guy. But, dammit, thanks to baseball�s meekness (for lack of a better word), Hall of Fame voters (I�m not one, for the record) have the right to suspect anyone and everyone from the past era. They have the right to view muscles suspiciously; to question a guy putting up six-straight 100-plus RBI seasons in the heat of PED Madness; to wonder why�when, oh, 75 percent of players were using�one extremely succesful, extemely large, extremely muscular man wouldn�t. Did Jeff Bagwell use PED? I don�t know. Do I have the right to hold his era against him? Damn right I do. My head's full of fluid already, so I don't know where to begin with this one. Except, you know, to point out that he should probably take things in a less Glenn Beckian direction next time out. I mean, good gravy. Great googily moogily, what a line of shit. So, the guy who doesn't get a vote wouldn't vote for the guy who had no public forum accusations of PED use, because he didn't do enough to condemn his friends and coworkers who were cheating? By the way (let me digress), this style of writing (the constant insertion of parentheses) is not only inane and distracting (well, duh!) but also a sign of an inferior intellect (OH SNAP).

I'm looking forward to making "Hu flung poo" jokes all year.

metsguyinmichigan wrote: Bah! I say we have an All-Star third baseman, an All-Star shortstop, an All-Star center fielder who has had time to recover from an injury, an All-Star left fielder who will be fully recovered from his concussion and has his "adjust to New York" year under his belt, a right fielder who surpassed all expectations last season, a first baseman and catcher who had decent -- at worst -- rookie seasons and are improving. Our rotation has a two-time Cy Young Award winner who, while missing the first part of the season, will fare better with actual run support. Our should-have-been-an-All Star pitcher will be the ace that he was for two-thirds of the season. Our knuckleballer was a wonderful surprise. The rookie pitcher was outstanding until wearing down and that won't happen again this season. The All-Star closer is a douche, but will be back with a chip on his shoulder, something to prove and a contract clause to serve as motivation. The closer-in-waiting throws 100 mph. Screw the Marlins. They don't scare me. We'll take some of their useful parts during the annual fire sale. The Braves? Chipper's swan song will be a nice third-place finish. The Phillies? I don't care if they embrace the MFY model and try to buy a championship. They're due to have a season where they go off the rails. If buying a pennant was as easy as it sounds, we'd have done it already. So take your 80 wins and fourth place. I'm riding SandyBall all the way to Series. Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

I project Miguel Cairo will suck in 2011.

Edgy DC wrote: Don't be a slave to nap-time! This has been a public service announcement. You've got it all backwards. The real reason I have kids is that I was trying to justify more naps in my life.

Another good one, how many of the 100 instances of 200 hit seasons between 1989 and 2010 can you name? I got 78.

I like when he killed those guys with that bolt pistol thingy, before Josh Brolin took his money. Wait, what?

It's the holiday season, time to dole out minor league deals under the tree. Mike Jacobs to Colorado, and Endy Chavez to Texas.

A Boy Named Seo wrote: I think Gorzelanny's the offspring of a men's room romance between Appier and Sloth from 'Goonies'. The would-have-been video of that event has potential to go more viral than the thing in my pants.

DocTee wrote: Orlando Hudson to Sandy Eggo: 2 years, $11.5 million Dang.

Lots of rumors on the Interweb of Pedro Feliciano trading the good-guy pinstripes for the colors of MFY dickdom.

Encouraged by Murphy's numbers at the dish, I wonder how he looks in the field. He's my best hope for 2011 among guys within the organization right now.

G-Fafif wrote: Full writeup (mole and all), here A great read, G. Sucked it down like it was a tall, cold vodka & Fresca. It's nice to get this hybrid fan's view/reporter's access. A real change of pace from the usual fare.