Really Know the Dodgers

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Unhappy Juan is only one of the Dodgers' troubles. Although they come in with a better record than us, pythagoreus is going to go Greek on their asses if things continue as they have. They have scored less and surrendered more than we have on average. They're old, and despite having two of the best hitters and a few very good pitchers, they suck.

Let's meet the Dodgers' starting lineup.
Jamey Carroll, SS: You probably remember the Expos once had a reserve insect named Jamey Carroll. Same guy! Only now he's 37 years old and a starting shortstop, and not having all that bad a year: 280/342 but slumping recently.

Aaron Miles, 2B: You probably remember the Cardinals once had a reserve insect... blah blah (Thanks Tracky!). He's 34 and like Carroll, a stinky singles hitter. May see time lost to Ivan DeJesus, who's now 63. Oh wait, this is his son, Ivan DeJesus Jr., who's 24 and still looking for his first extra base hit this year.

Andre Ethier, RF: Father is Canadian and mom is Mexican. Uncle and lookalike is Ron Darling. He brings a sore elbow and a 29-game hitting streak to New York.

Matt Kemp, CF: Really the best player on the Dodgers. Steals, hits homers, catches the ball in CF, hits cleanup. He can be whiffed, but be careful of this guy.

Juan Uribe, 3B: Chubby free agent ex-Giant off to the kind of bad start that inspires hipster baseball fans to tumble in their pants. Gets hit by a lot of pitches. Actually better recently but may share assignments with 37-year-old Casey Blake who's OPSing near 1000 for no discernable reason.

James Loney, 1B: Should change his name to James Worthless. OPS 490. OPS+ 38. May lose his job to youngster Jerry Sands, but probably not yet.

Rod Barajas, C: Big Rod was engorged with a rush of blood ... relatives upon his trade to the hometown Dodgers last year. You ladies will remember, he still comes quick: 5 HRs in April. We'll likely see his washed-out prospect backup, Dionner Navarro, this weekend too.

Tony Gwynn, LF: At 28, gotta be depressing to know he's not going to suddenly turn into his dad. 302 OBP.

The bench includes such superstars as 33-year-old Rafael Furcal (36 OPS+); and 34-year-old outfielders Marcus Thames and Jay Gibbons.

The pitching matchups look to be
Friday: Niese v. Hiroki Kuroda
Sat: Young v. Jon Garland
Sun: Dickey v. Clayton Kershaw

We'll see two of their better starters this weekend. Kuroda is a right-handed [crossout]Korean[/crossout] Japanese control pitcher with a team-best 3.10 ERA. Garland is an average guy with average stuff and average results. Kershaw is a hard-throwing lefty strikeout pitcher and a first-rounder from Texas: Tough, religious, ugly, throws inside, married his high school sweetheart, you know the type. He can be beaten with walks, high pitch counts and HRs but its not so easy.

In the event I screwed up the probables, they also hurl shitty veteran Ted Lilly and righty Chad Billingsley who will shoot your eye out.

We're a bit unfortunate, I think, that the Dodgers just this week finally threw in the towel on their ineffective and obese closer, Jonathan Broxton, who'd been a complete disaster and is now officially shut down. It's not clear whether veteran converted starter Vincente Padilla, struggling lefty Kid Pro Kuo or surprise journeyman Matt Guerrier will get the save opportunities at this point. Promising young fireballer Kenley Jansen was recently sent to the Isotopes to get his shit together: He was whiffing 15 guys per 9 but with an 8 ERA. Tough to do. Their other bullpenners include well-traveled fastballer Mike MacDougal and our friend from that St. Louis game last year, Blake "Lincoln" Hawksworth.

Barajas is the only ex-Met but I was tempted to check on Jay Gibbons.

2 of 3.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

I read this on a Blackberry, and I still LOLed at the Barajas bit and "Kid Pro Kuo" and a bunch more.

Re: Gwynn... As time wears on, I'm more and more of the mindset that parents should probably stay away from the Jr. naming altogether. Isn't it tempting enough to overly-identify as a parent without your kid having the same name as you? He'd be better off going by "Anthony," and maybe playing up the Zorba connection.

[Edgy MD]

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Kuroda is a right-handed Korean control pitcher with a team-best 3.10 ERA.

Japan, man.

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: ... and righty Chad Billingsley who will shoot your eye out.

That's reaching back for something extra. Well-played.

[Edgy MD]

Re: Gwynn... As time wears on, I'm more and more of the mindset that parents should probably stay away from the Jr. naming altogether. Isn't it tempting enough to overly-identify as a parent without your kid having the same name as you? He'd be better off going by "Anthony," and maybe playing up the Zorba connection.

Can you imgagine how ddomed to disappointment the likes of Jackie Robinson, Jr. and Martin Luther King, III were? Frank Sinatra, Jr.? Doomed.

Alan Hale, Jr. did OK, though.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Edgy DC wrote: John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Kuroda is a right-handed Korean control pitcher with a team-best 3.10 ERA. Japan, man.

Whoops, Kuo is the Korean. That's the kind of error the Japanese don't appreciate.

[Ceetar]

Looks like a good team to beat up on and right this ship!

[Guest themetfairy]

Great knowledge Lunchie - thanks!

[G-Fafif]

Re: Gwynn... As time wears on, I'm more and more of the mindset that parents should probably stay away from the Jr. naming altogether. Isn't it tempting enough to overly-identify as a parent without your kid having the same name as you? He'd be better off going by "Anthony," and maybe playing up the Zorba connection. Can you imgagine how doomed to disappointment the likes of Jackie Robinson, Jr. and Martin Luther King, III were? Frank Sinatra, Jr.? Doomed. Alan Hale, Jr. did OK, though.

No offense if anybody here is a Senior or a Junior, but I've always thought naming somebody exactly after the father and then slapping the Jr. on was the most egotistical thing in the world.

[metirish]

Jamey Carroll, SS: You probably remember the Expos once had a reserve insect named Jamey Carroll. Same guy! Only now he's 37 years old and a starting shortstop, and not having all that bad a year: 280/342 but slumping recently.

Jesus H Christ , haven't seen this name in I guess years

Darling is really the uncle of Ethier?

good job Bucket , looks like Torre knew when to skip town on this mess.

[Edgy MD]

Re: Gwynn... As time wears on, I'm more and more of the mindset that parents should probably stay away from the Jr. naming altogether. Isn't it tempting enough to overly-identify as a parent without your kid having the same name as you? He'd be better off going by "Anthony," and maybe playing up the Zorba connection. Can you imgagine how doomed to disappointment the likes of Jackie Robinson, Jr. and Martin Luther King, III were? Frank Sinatra, Jr.? Doomed. Alan Hale, Jr. did OK, though. No offense if anybody here is a Senior or a Junior, but I've always thought naming somebody exactly after the father and then slapping the Jr. on was the most egotistical thing in the world.

Well, I hear you, and certainly it's an offense to Jewish tradition (I'm looking at you, Michael Landon), but my experience is that it's usually the mother's initiative.

[G-Fafif]

Mostly I find it vaguely creepy.

[MFS62]

Nice job, JCL.
Some funny stuff.

Later

[Frayed Knot]

That Dodger lineup is an amazing collection of:
- The Never Really Good: Carroll, Miles, Gwynn, Thames
- The Once or Briefly Good but No More: Furcal, Gibbons, Uribe (overpaid by LAD due to last year's post-season splurge for SFG)
- The Was-Supposed-to Have Been Good: Loney (Wha'Happened there? I woulda bet the farm on this guy!), Navarro

... which basically leaves you with Ethier & Kemp.

[Edgy MD]

It looked like they were hitting gold with Ethier, Kemp, Loney, and Martin at the same time (and about the same age), but I guess it stands to reason that two of them would fall away. I thought of Blake DeWitt as part of that young core also, but the they dumped him last year (along with some prospects) for Lilly and Ryan Theriot (another early peaker).

[smg58]

They're hurting in so many spots it's impossible to keep track. And that's just the front office.

Thames is on the DL and Jay Gibbons is up.

Sands has been playing both left field and first base. His glove in the outfield is apparently quite the adventure.

If Loney doesn't get an extra-base hit this series, he will have gone more than a month without one.

[Willets Point]

Looks like we're in for a weekend of Fiscally-Challenged Baseball!

[Edgy MD]

More on the James Loney saga.

• Usually good for 161 games a year, Loney was sat down by Don Mattingly against Cub starter James Russell. Why? The guy is hitting a robust .125 against lefties this year, but Mattingly is denying a platoon is about to start. Don't be the guy he wakes up on, Jon Niese.
  
  
  
• Position-uncommmited hitting prospect Gerry Sands (who is not a Northern Irish dissident) is threatening to take his milkshake.
  
  
  
• He's sick of talking about hitting.
  
  
  
• There's this chapter in the story of Lou Gehrig, where he was congratulated by his teammates for making a play he knew in his heart was absolutely routine. It broke his heart that they were being so encouraging to him over an everyday play, because nobody was able to tell him in any more direct way that he was playing poorly and they were carrying him. He ended his consecutive games streak the next day.
  
  Here, fellow Dodger infielders heartily congratulate Loney for catching a ball thrown to him. Devastating.
  
  
  
  
  
• He gets a $1 fine from Don Mattingly for every fly he hits to left, and gets a $1 bonus for every liner he hits to left. It's hard enough for a loopy-swinging lefthanded firstbaseman not named Don Mattingly to go the other way at all, without getting obbsessive over the arc of the ball. Ease up, Donnie Baseball. (I'm wondering if Mattingly may be the problem, as he may be trying to remake his protege on the Mattingly model when he probably came out of the factory built to Carlos Delgado specs, or something.)

[G-Fafif]

Barajas is the only ex-Met but I was tempted to check on Jay Gibbons.

Now I'm conflating Jay Gibbons with Jay Tibbs.

[Benjamin Grimm]

[Frayed Knot]

Oh, and MLB is claiming that the Dodgers are going to be unable to make their end of May payroll.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

This team is composed like the "Major League" Cleveland Indians, and their bullpen couldn't be more flammable if Broxton were made of excelsior and kerosene. They employ at least four players I thought had retired-- Jay Fucking Gibbons! Really?-- and start three regulars with sub-.300 OBPs, along with two more who are sub-.305. They may not be able to pay their players this month.

They have two games on us in the NL standings.

[metirish]

Frayed Knot wrote: Oh, and MLB is claiming that the Dodgers are going to be unable to make their end of May payroll.

not good , they should get relegated to the minors as a punishment.

[Ceetar]

Frayed Knot wrote: Oh, and MLB is claiming that the Dodgers are going to be unable to make their end of May payroll.

they should have PSAs in LA from Billingsly "Please come to the park and see me pitch! otherwise I won't get paid!"

In fact, if i was a better video editor and had time, I'd make a very distasteful commercial emulating the 'feed the starving kids in Africa' ones with Dodgers players.

[Edgy MD]

it may be a year or so late, but the economy is really catching up to MLB.

It wasn't long ago that you couldn't see an open seat at Jacobs field. Now the Indians are in first place and they can barely get 20,000 for a weekend game. Averaging 14,650.

[Ceetar]

Edgy DC wrote: it may be a year or so late, but the economy is really catching up to MLB. It wasn't long ago that you couldn't see an open seat at Jacobs field. Now the Indians are in first place and they can barely get 20,000 for a weekend game. Averaging 14,650.

Yeah. bad time to have your best investment guy turn out to be a scammer.

[Edgy MD]

Well, if it hadn't been for the economy, he might have been able to keep the racket going for a year or two. In theory, a Ponzi scheme can keep going as long as the alleged returns are so great that folks don't want to touch the money as it keeps making more for them accounts. But as folks felt the pinch with their other obligations, they suddenly started making more withdrawals than deposits.

[ashie62]

Actually Jacobs Field has been fairly empty since the 2000 season.

When the novelty where of these places in smaller markets they tank hard.

[metirish]

someone on twitter made a comment that during the Dodgers Cubs series the place was nearly deserted , not a good brand right now. For all of O'Malley's faults the ownership has been a mess there since they sold it.

[Gwreck]

Ashie62 wrote: Actually Jacobs Field has been fairly empty since the 2000 season. When the novelty where of these places in smaller markets they tank hard.

I think Cleveland's sellout streak ended in 2001; they were on a decline since then, with an uptick in 2007.

Cleveland averaged 28,448 per game in 2007 (their most recent winning season), which is 65.6% of capacity. 27,122 (60.4%) the following season. That's nowhere near the top but it's not empty either.

Economy or not, team performance is still the key factor in attendance.

[Edgy MD]

Until/except this year in Cleveland. Best record/worst attendance in the American League. It's like Lebron James took the last breath of economy/identity right out of town with him.