I figure the way to do this right and get it over with is to go whole hog. Oversell it the way he's been oversold to us his whole career. Ladies and gentlemen, if you will kindly direct your attention to the scoreboard in right center field, the Mets would like to present a video tribute to Derek Sanderson Jeter. For 18 season, Mr. Jeter has represented everything that is good about the Yankees, baseball... LIFE, really. His near two decade career has eclipsed those of such Yankee greats as Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle, Dimaggio, AND Balboni, and made them all look frankly silly. He came into the game during a pitching-dominated era, and established new offensive heights no one thought possible. If it doesn't seem like that in the record books, remember, he MADE EVERYONE ELSE BETTER. EVERYONE. You, me... Alec Fuckin' Baldwin... we're all better for his time among us. His fielding was frankly unfair to the opposition, and if it lookde like he was wearing ankle weights out there at times, he probably was, because he is the soul of graciousness. Apart from his unprecedented escapades on the baseball field, Jeter has donated billions to local charities. He is further known for his impeccable taste in himes, his award winning sculpture, and his firm commitment to chastity. Ladies and gentlemen, the man Fortune magazine called the greatest inspirational leader since Henry V... whatshisname... Number 2!!