A Boy Named Seo

Here's another one I recently finished that most of you around here have probably read. If not, run don't walk to your nearest book dealer and secure yourself a copy. It's the first book I can remember immediately looking forward to the next read it as soon as I finished it.The Universal Baseball Association Inc., J. Henry Waugh, Prop. by Robert Coover is about a single, lonesome 50-something year old guy who creates a dice baseball game that he soon becomes immersed in and before long, we don't know who is running the show, Henry over the game or vice versa. Cue eerie, dramatic music... Dum - dum- dum!Wonderfully written, very smart, incredibly funny, and if you were ever baseball dice guy/gal, you can sadly kind of indentify.One of my all-time faves.Here's an old cover.

Oh, well it's a good one. You guys should read it.

John Albert was one time the drummer for Bad Religion and Christian Death and is also a recovering drug addict. Wrecking Crew is about how he and a bunch of other recovering junkies, alcoholics, sex addicts, and cross-dressers (okay, just one cross-dresser) form a hardball team here in LA, and how that team and the game of baseball gave all these guys something to care about, something to look forward to and work towards, and a supportive (if kinda fucked up) family that most of the guys on the team never had.It's a funny, often times sad, and strangely inspiring story. I think a lot of you would really dig it.

Scott Stapp? As a metalhead, that had to offend Piazza. He's gone for no other reason than that.

You would never (as in literally never) say to someone "From Santa Monica I hail", would you, Seo? I'll bet your fee for uttering that sentence with a straight face is pretty high. Sorry, I watched Empire Strikes Back last night. I'm scrapping the Darling one and starting over. I suck at this. D is for Darling Smart, handsome pal Readied at Yale For Shallow Hal By the way, I embedded the possessive foem in an enjambment just once and I learned my freaking lesson. I won't do that again.

Mr. Q, Here's my revised homework. Mex/vexed? The tense would still be jacked up, though. Bah. --- B is for Benson An 'Ace in the Hole' His fastball's from Pittsburgh His wife's off the pole B is for Bell Yacht sits in the sound From fast start, to slump, To 'Operation Shutdown' A is Alfonzo Chic in thirteen 6 hits ag'in Houston The best Avi'd seen A is for Allen Who'd drink til he's wrecked Got shipped to St. Louie For an 8-ball-whacked Mex D is for Darling From Hawaii he hails Thought way too much We can blame it on Yale Now can I go to recess? I better get a 'B' or mom'll be pissed.

D is for DarlingFrom Hawaii he hailsThought way too muchWe can blame it on YaleDoes Hawaii screw it up? Or the tense in hails/Yale? Who and what?

I miss the cranes.

Real cool, humanizing piece. I especially dug this part: Leiter unleashed a cut-fastball the likes of which I had never seen or caught. He threw it so hard I heard the ball hiss, which was unsettling enough. Then it broke to my left, as if it'd been hijacked by a wind shear. Somehow, the pitch accelerated as it darted, which so completely overloaded the synapses of brain my glove never moved. I played some really bad baseball for a really bad Division II college team where I knew a bunch of high school kids were better than I was and would take my bench spot if they could just deal with the boring, small town and the freezing cold, crap weather that came along with it. We did get a couple of games against unranked DI opponents, though, and I felt like Klapisch did describing Leiter's cutter when I batted against those guys, except I was 18 and supposed to be athletic and good at baseball and stuff. That guy's got some bullets to still be running with those kids at 40-ish. I was completely intimidated and done with hardball by 23.Nice find, Wide.PS- I didn't play much, but I did get 2 AB's once in a game against a DI opponent in the WAC (now Mountain West Conf., I guess) my freshman year. My line: 0-1, K (looking) and a HBP. It hurt. Kind of a lot..500 OBP, though. I was the Greek God of getting plunked.

That's good stuff, Sal. I didn't know any of that. And I've honestly never seen Ogden Nash's show, either (the one with Don Johnson, right?). Yes, I'm fucking around, but I don't know Ogden Nash, either. I've never been much of a scholar.You'll probably still cringe with my upcoming fractured Bonilla verse, but I'll pay attention to it now, anyway, and try to give it less feet. But your last post (where you explained it) was a lot more helpful than your previous one (where you just said your head was spinning). Pedantic maybe (I looked it up), but not a bore.

I don't know what a fractured scansion is.I try to make rhymes. Rhymes make me giggle.

A is for AllenThey say he'd drink til he's wreckedGot shipped to St. LouieFor an 8-ball-whacked Mex

Edit: Sorry, I'm not good with rules.A is AlfonzoDashing in thirteenHad 6 hits against HoustonOne of the 10 best Avi'd seen

B is for BensonOur quiet 'Ace in the Hole'Brought his fastball from PittsburghPulled his wife off the poleor B is for BellDerek parked his yacht in the soundWent from fast start, to slumping,to 'Operation Shutdown'

Sidd Finch.

Terry BrossKevin Bass

...unfullfilling evening.So I decided to make the 200 or so mile round-trip from Long Beach down to San Diego tonight really just to catch Pedro. I planned my trip to Shea in June around his schedule and he was scratched for his hip injury or whatever it was, and I got to see Kris Benson get shelled instead. I could've stayed home and watched this shit on tv tonight, but he's electric and a character and I wanted to experience it live so I got a ticket, filled up the Jetta with some $2.69 87- octane, and went.It's my own fault really. The team was playing pretty well and had won 3 in a row. Pedro was on against Chan Ho Park. What the hell could go wrong?Once you pop on the 5, the ride's pretty nice down to San Diego, as the freeway hugs the Pacific coast for a good while. Here's what it looks like at 80 MPH from a 2.0MP piece of garbage Fuji FinePix.Here's me not paying enough attention to the road.I got to the park around 6:00PM I guess, and dropped a ridiculous $20 to park in regular public stadium parking. I'm in now. Here's the first shot I got as I moved toward the field from the concourse.I had good seats, first base side, 12 rows up. Set me back about $47. The Mets were hitting BP, so I made my way that direction for a closer look. I saw Glavine throwing from the bullpen and thought I screwed up and bought tickets for the wrong night, but he was just getting his work in, I guess. Couldn't have been worse if he would've started tonight...The Petco DJ played some good tunes while the Mets were hitting. I had to keep myself from singing out loud when "Veronica" by Elvis Costello blared. Same for "Pictures of You" by the Cure. The ballpark is really beautiful. Aside from the quirky dimensions and the Western Metal Supply Co. Warehouse in leftfield, the park feels clean and modern and doesn't seem to try for that throwback, kitschy retro ballpark feel, which was a plus.There were a few towers that appeared between large sections of the stands. I don't know what those are, but peeps were lined up at various levels of the towers watching. The top of the warehouse had Waveland Avenue type seats installed on the roof. The Omni hotel towered over the park on the third base side and folks who booked a high-floor room could watch the game from their window, I imagine. Jose Reyes popped one onto the second level of the warehouse batting right-handed during BP. Was a frickin' laser.Here's a pic of a young David Wright fan with great seats and a really kick ass view of the third base area. Hope he wasn't peeing or getting cotton candy with say, one out in the bottom of the 7th.I wanted to get a beer at this point, and spent my last $8 on a $7.75 12-ounce Michelob Freaking Ultra. Still trying to determine if that was more demeaning than the $20 parking thing.I took my $8 beer and starting walking a lap around the concourse, from the first base side, behind home plate and towards the warehouse in left. The Padres bullpen is behind the left-center field wall, but the Mets is in foul territory along the right field line. Wonder why they did that... During the game, a Met had to "stand guard" for foul balls any time someone warmed up. Danny Graves looked like he was kicking the fun vibe to one of the Padres PadSquad ballgirls. She looked like she was receptive of the fun vibe and may have been reciprocating.Back to the tour...Behind the centerfield batters' eye was a whiffle ball park. It was pretty cool. There was a slew of kids who played and the game was run by Padres staffers. Kinda neat. On each side of the batters' eye was the general admission picnic areas. They looked like a great view and probably a pretty cheap seat.Just cool. Or lame. I forget which.It was getting closer to first pitch so I headed back to my seat. There's Pedro."Hey, Pedro, please don't suck ass tonight. Please?"Thought it was a good sign that Pedro wiggled his way out of trouble in the first. I couldn't believe when Chan Ho finally checked out and my score card said he had 8 K's. By the way, the scoreboards at Petco were really enormous and good. There's a scoreboard on the wall in left-center that keeps track of pitch counts and pitch speed. The gigantoid main scoreboard in left shows the lineup, linescore, count, current batter season stats, and even an "interesting fact" about the current hitter like:Joe Randa: The 1st player to hit an opening day walk-off homer with his new team since Gary Carter, 85 Mets. Bah.David Wright: Has not hit lower than .284 in any month his year.Huh. Neat.What else... They do fireworks after a homerun (thanks, Khalil Greene, you cocksucker, for helping me discover that one). They have clowns. Lots of clowns at the park. I don't like clowns at all. They were doing regular clown stuff before the game, in the stands and on the field, and then during the game, they were the ones who sling-shot t-shirts into the upper deck. I hate that, too, but hate the clowns worse. When Mark Loretta hits, they play "Lowrider" because I guess it sounds like "Loretta". Yeah. And that's about it for Petco.Right field:Center field:Shot from the concourse facing the water:There really isn't much to talk about in the game itself except for the fucking catch David Wright made in the 7th. That was so stupidly ridiculous, it was just wrong. Thanks for that, David. It was worth the $47 for the ticket, the $30 bucks for gas, the $20 for parking, the $5 for the program, the $8 for the beer, and the 9 hours of my life I would have felt like were wasted had you dropped that ball when you hit the ground and nothing at all remarkable otherwise had happened. I sound bitter, but I mean it. Cool shit.Good night from Petco Park. I have to pick up cat food before I get home...