Get off the Interstate NOW!!!! 2016

[Edgy MD]

Oh, Eric Campbell, you heard the sirens and saw the lights behind you when you pulled out your home run bat last night, didn't you? Pulled your average above the La Línea de Mendoza for a bit, didn't you.

Well, we Interstate Patrolman have our eyes on you. Ask your teammates how they feel about the tickets we've been handing out.

Teammates like [crossout]Eric[/crossout] Kevin Plawecki! It's your second full season now, Wecki. A .186 batting average isn't what we drafted you for. Nurtured you for. LOVED you for.

Hey, Wilmer Flores, don't use up your knocks in Binghamton. You and your .180 batting average are going to need a few up here. You're our best hope at first and you're hitting a buck-eighty? Get out of here! (I mean, get BACK here, THEN get outa here!)

Travis d'Arnaud! You may be injured too, but before that you were living d'Angerously and d'Ecadently with a .196 batting average. Being better than Plawecki isn't exactly an accomplishment these days, kids. Get it together!

Are we talking about catchers?! Yeah, stop looking away from me, René Rivera. I always include that accent in your name, as a way to remind myself to accent your abysmal .105 batting average. You're being outhit by four of the Mets starting pitchers. And the fifth is openly declaring his intention to go down looking.

Matt Reynolds, you and Plawecki are supposed to make me cheer the wisdom in letting José Reyes walk. .000! Oh-for-six?! Oh-for-CRYING-OUT-LOUD!! Get a HIT ALREADY!

And yeah, this ain't a charity, Ty Kelly! MLB stands for "Must Love Batsmanship," as far as you're concerned! We had a chance to hit our way back into the game last night, and you made precious. Little. Contact. Hitting Triple zero is no way to go through life, son! I know you were hitting .400 in Las Vegas. Good for you! But YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU!

Consider yourselves all ticketed. A second summons means points off your license, and possible revocation. Have a good day.

[Benjamin Grimm]

Ultimate disrespect: Getting the first name of the Mets de facto starting catcher wrong!

[Edgy MD]

Stream-of-consciousness transgressive typing, with Eric Campbell on my brain. What can I say.

[Centerfield]

I think Reynolds and Ty Kelly would be happy to get on the interstate right about now.

[Edgy MD]

ERIC CAMPBELL 0-2 and BACK ON THE INTERSTATE!

Don't you guys ever learn? Congratulations on your first hit, Matt Reynolds, but your still at .143. Exit ramp is THAT WAY, son.

[Vic Sage]

Granderson at .199, last i checked.

[Edgy MD]

Yeah, well, that's part of the post-game summary.

You, Grandy. What the fuck was that 0-4 about? I just pulled your ass over on I-99 going from State College into Altoona! You want out of Happy Valley? Do it with your BAT!

Matt, Reynolds! Great, you got a hit! You know what that makes you? A .111 hitter! Interstate 11 isn't even OPEN YET! You're just driving around the sands around Boulder City, Nevada. Get out!

René Rivera! Your big hit still only gets you up to .136. I don't think there is even a proposed I-36, so you're just driving around zonked out of your head.

Show some pride, gentlemen!

[Zvon]

Centerfield wrote: I think Reynolds and Ty Kelly would be happy to get on the interstate right about now.

Ha!

Ty looked kinda green.

[Edgy MD]

Two hits each so far from Flores and Loney is hot sauce for the soul.

[Edgy MD]

A 19-hit attack is great for getting folks into the exit lane. Matt Reynolds, for instance, opened the game as a .200 hitter and ended it at .280. So long, interstate!!

Eric Campbell is taking his batting average back down to the minors, traveling by way of I-59, from Wildwood Georgia to Slidell, Louisiana. Don't throw a rod down there, Enrique.

Alejando de Aza, unfortunately, only got into tonight's game as a late-inning defensive replacement, and did not get to join in the hitfest, leaving him stuck on I-73, bouncing around North Carolina between Ellerbe and Greensboro.

Ty Kelly has also returned to the minors, having last been seen in the slow lane of I-74, heading deliberately into Iowa's Quad Cities, recalling the satisfaction of knocking one homer during his brief stay, knowing he can do that again if he returns.

René Rivera must love the interstate a little too much because even after three hits tonight, he's still wheeling around I-85, from Richmond, down to Montgomery. Catawba country. Lots of history down there. Don't be trying to make any more of that history, René. Just hit your turn signal and exit. That is all.

[Edgy MD]

Kevin Plawecki's soujorn to Vegas has taken him across the great Northern Plains, across I-94 from Port Huron, Michigan to Billings, Montana. One of the longest loneliest trips (1,585.2 miles) in our interstate system for a Met in exile to take. Get off the interstate, Kevin!

The floundering Alejandro de Aza also found himself in Port Huron, coincidentally, but from there has gone southwards, 820.2 steamy southern miles down I-69 toward Rosenberg, TX. Who knew Port Huron had such an important status in our great interstate system? Get off the interstate, Alejandro!

Remember when I asked Eric Campbell not to throw a rod? He threw a rod. Still smoking on the side of I-59, possibly in Alabama, possibly in Mississippi. Who really knows?

Ty Kelly's problem is he's traveling a road that does not exist. A theoretical I-48 would travel somewhere between Kansas and Missouri, but stupid Ty is just bumping around corn fields looking for pavement.

Still in control of his destiny (but missing from last night's lineup) is René Rivera. René has found himself north to I-88 (aka the Ronald Reagan Memorial Tollway), east and west across Illinois. You ain't a big leaguer until you cross the Canadian border, René. Get out of Illinois.

That's five interstaters, here at the end of June. That's about five too many, from where I'm sitting. Get off the interstate NOW!!!!

[RealityChuck]

Edgy MD wrote: Still in control of his destiny (but missing from last night's lineup) is René Rivera. René has found himself north to I-88 (aka the Ronald Reagan Memorial Tollway), east and west across Illinois. You ain't a big leaguer until you cross the Canadian border, René. Get out of Illinois.

Hah! I-88 is in New York, between Schenectady and Binghamton. AKA, the Warren M. Anderson Expressway. Anderson was Senate Majority Leader for ages and lived in Binghamton. I think they named it after him so he'd use it and then double the traffic (Alas, Anderson flew back and forth to Albany).

It's the Road that No One Uses. They once cut it down from four lanes to two, routing all traffic onto the two open lanes. It didn't even slow traffic.

Unless you specify Binghamton or Oneonta as your destination, no mapping program will take you there. About half the exits tell you you're getting off at Route 7, which you can see most of the way.

I drove it to visit my daughter in DC.

[Edgy MD]

Welcome to the exit ramp, Alejandro De Aza!

Before August 1, and everything!

[Guest d'Kong76]

I-88, the Cobleskill-Oneonta expressway! If you were driving drunk back in the
day, best to use Rte 7 and hope the county sheriff's guys were snoozin'.

[Edgy MD]

I'm still there pulling for you, Eric Campbell. Up to .179. You go two for your next two, you're pulling off.

It's been known to happen!

[Edgy MD]

It took the whole season, but Alejandro De Aza is now ... off the interstate!

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Hes a useful guy.

[Edgy MD]

He is, but I fear he lines up behind Lagares on the bus to any potential playoff roster.

[Edgy MD]

There I was, ready to scold Terry for pinch-hitting De Aza, putting his off-the-interstate status on the line.

De Aza makes a fool of faithless me.