KTE-Pequeno, 8/26-8/29: In All Phairness

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

The Breakdown:

Well, I guess you can't say that Ruben Amaro doesn't make tough decisions anymore. Not so much "tough" meaning "emotionally difficult," though, yeah, there's that, too. More like, "difficult to swallow," or "requiring some serious testicular heft to carry out." More like, "nonsensical and difficult to absorb," two-mothers-bring-their-baby-dispute-to-Solomon-and-he-decides-to-throw-them-both-in-a-river tough. Not bringing-in-emergency-position-player-help-to-try-and-contend tough, or once-deciding-not-to-contend-selling-useful-assets-like-Papelbon-or-Michael-Young tough, but firing-someone-else-for-your-mistakes tough. Oh, and signing your injury-ravaged 35-year-old second-baseman to an in-season contract extension. A man-sized one.

To be fair, the Utley extension is pretty smartly constructed (2 years base; yearly options for the next three years vesting according to playing/DL time). Also, though, to be fair, Ruben Amaro built a team out of chicken shit and fired the chef who made a restaurant-quality sandwich out of it. And then cried at that chef's press conference.


"Sometimes... it's just hard to lie publicly to save your own job, y'know? Right, Charlie?"

But hey, maybe he's onto something with the Ryno hire (to replace a guy who had the team seven games above its Pythagorean-record projection):

Team batting numbers, season to date: .248/.304/.391
Team batting numbers, last week: .240/.325/.399

And they're playing .600 ball over the last ten games, people! RUBEN AMARO IS TEN PHUCKIN' STEPS AHEAD OF US ALL.

Not so his team, though-- they're in fourth, just behind our just-been-swept favorites.

What's Going On:

-- This is Ruf-fing Awesome. 11 HRs and a .272/.360/.543 line in 42 games of service, a half-credible defensive job given his Dudaish frame, AND enough windpower-y clean energy to fuel Manayunk (30% K-rate)? SCORE. (At .275/.325/.521 and 27 HRs, Dom Brown's doing a-ight, too.)

-- Bullpen. Sure, a 3.56 ERA and 7th-worst cumulative WAR in the league may not sound like much, but it's a vast improvement over the 5-plus ERA, Miley-Cyrus-live-performance-quality horrorshow that preceded it.


Closer Jonathan Papelbon celebrates another shutdown ninth inning(AP)

--Security. No more. No more field invasions. No more vomit on their watch. Not one... more... drop.

--Leadership. Fundies! Fungo! Old-time, dirt-on-pants, cleats-in-the-crotch baseball! Running-like-your-pants-are-on-fire-because-of-the-lies-you-told baseball! Tears-on-the-dais baseball!


What's Going Bad:

-- Wannabes Starting Something. Major-league worst 5.57 ERA (4.45 FIP/4.21 xFIP) and 6-11 record over the last 30 days.

-- Beat writers. Twitter feuding with phans, accusing Ken Griffey Jr. of steroid use, race-baiting-then-backpedaling-then-race-baiting-again... Marcus Hayes sounds like the best person in Philly ball-coverage since Bill Conlin.

-- Disabled-List Off-hand Bowling Team Depth. The Jimmy "Rollin's" are really, really going to miss Big Roy.


"And we have the semi-finals against Doubleheader Splits on Tuesday, too."


The Matchups:

Monday, 8/26: WheelerDay vs.
LHP Cliff Lee (24 GS, 170 2/3 IP, 10-6 record, 3.16 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, 157 K/27 BB, 18 HR allowed, 120 ERA+): Some backsliding of late, in terms of longball rate. But still... 32 strikeouts and 6 walks over the last month, and no wins to show for it. I'm sure he's as thrilled he stayed at the trade deadline as he will be to come back to Queens.


Great to be here, Ed!

Tuesday, 8/27: Hawkman Returns vs.
RHP Kyle Kendrick (26 GS, 159 2/3 IP, 10-10 record, 4.51 ERA, 1.37 WHIP, 92 K/37 BB, 16 HR allowed, 84 ERA+): Eating innings like Joey Chestnut does hot dogs-- prodigiously, and sloppily. Over the last month, the league's hitters look like Miguel Cabrera against him (.390/.420/.524 and 55 total bases surrendered in 5 games).

Wednesday, 8/28: It Tastes Better When You Say "GYEE-Ro" vs.
LHP Cole Hamels: (27 GS, 179 IP, 5-13 record, 3.62 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 158 K/42 BB, 17 HR allowed, 105 ERA+):
2.52 ERA and a 5-to-1 K-to-BB ratio since baseball's best came to Flushing. And at 50 innings in 7 starts, he's been a big red-striped workhorse in a dirty-blond-highlight-sporting My Little Pony body.


"Tough question. If pressed, I guess I'd have to say that I'm more of a Princess Celestia, though some days-- SOME days-- I'm more of a Rainbow Dash."

Thursday, 8/29: HarveyDay! vs.
RHP Ethan Martin (5 GS, 21 1/3 IP, 2-2 record, 6.33 ERA, 1.78 WHIP, 23 K/13 BB, 6 HR allowed, 61 ERA+): 24 years old, athletic, #49 in your scorebook, obtained in the Victorino trade from the Doyers last year. Brings a 92-95 mph fastball with some run (that straightens out as it gets harder) and hard, occasionally batter-shaming slider to the table; with his imprecise delivery and release point, puts more men on than a manic Rich Little.


Catching Up With The "Guys?" In The Bullpen (brought to you by Pneumatic Lawn Guyland Car Dealership Girl)



"These Guys, they're performing a little better since we saw them last, but... well... Guys? This place smells like liniment and despair and self-loathing. It reminds me a little of Hagin's old apartment, really. Can you get me out of here, Guys?"


LGM.

[Guest themetfairy]

Wow - Superlative LWFS!

[seawolf17]

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: "requiring some serious testicular heft to carry out"

Was totally sure this was a John Kruk joke. It wasn't.

[seawolf17]

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

That is magnificent.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered a Kruk joke there.

[Frayed Knot]

Recent Philly addition Casper Wells (plucked off waivers from the ChiSox in early August) had a tough day over the weekend.
In Saturday's game against the DBacks--the one where the Phils scored four times to tie the game in the 8th inning only to lose it 4 hours later in the 18th--Wells took an 0-for-7 AND was the losing pitcher, giving up 5 runs on 3 hits & 3 walks in 2/3 of an inning. He even had to be relieved by another position player (John McDonald) in order to end the inning, so Wells went from the OF to pitcher, than back to the OF.

The odd part is that it was his second pitching appearance of the season, one each in a loss for the ChiSox & Phils. He personally didn't get the loss in the first game vs Cleveland as that game was already a blowout when he came in.
Wonder if a position player has ever been brought in to pitch twice in one season but not with the same team? I bet it has, although probably not in a long time.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

It's been a tough day all season for Wells, who's hitting .128 on the year (lifetime .230), and spent time with THREE other organizations this season (Mariners, BlueJays, A's) prior to his time with the Southsiders.

Oh, and he landed on the DL just after that 0-fer-plus, with "vision problems."

Oh, and remember offseason signing/anti-Semite of note Delmon Young? After hitting .261/.299/.397, he was waived earlier this month for unconditional release, claimed by the Rays, and replaced on the roster/in the lineup (thanks to some positional rotation) by 3rd-baseman-of-the-futcher candidate Cody Asche (hitting .295/.352/.485 with 43 XBH in 446 PAs for AAA Lehigh Valley prior to the callup).

[Zvon]

Excellent KTE. Thank you sir.

[Guest themetfairy]

Phairness? For people who would leave Mr. Met hanging while offering a fist bump?



Phuck 'em!