Parody Semis: LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr (17) vs EdgyDC (5)

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

What an Omar trade?
Tried to fix that broken, leaky pen
Only took Endy and a dozen men
Joy? T'was short-lived
Once we saw Putz and this shmuck, came with 'im
Dude throws-- you throw up
Lead's good as blown up
His rubber arm, it shames the rubber (fucking Sean Green)
More free passes than the MTAyyy?
And though Scott Spiezio may get a bo-ner...??

He's not THAT Shawn Green
He's the Other Sean Green
He's the walking, talking walk machine
Though Shawn's past his prime
At least he HAD a prime?
THIS loan's sub-prime
Yes, he's THAT Sean Green

(Scrub-MArine!)

See, this windup hee-re?
Though he throws a bit like Terry Leach
His delivery�s a lot more breech
This pube chin is (Phils merkin) no Jeff Innis (not workin')
More vile, man? He made me miss Heilman (fucking HEIL-man)
Still, you can trust him with your cute prom daaaate
She'll never walk home safer...

He's not THAT Shawn Green
Late of the All-Star scene
Not one moyel ever touched HIS peen?
But his arm slot? (Who knows?)
As a submarine goes
He's a Blimpie
God, he's THAT Sean Green??

(Ball one, fastball low and away)
(Ball two, fastball high and away)
(Ball three, perhaps try to pray to...)
Can't even throw straight to Rac-ia-nel-lo... GOD, Sean Green?
It's trying, Sean Green
Each follow-through threatens... an ugly knuckle-scrape
Each inning's an eyebrow-rape, tattooed on my brain

T'would hurt e'en more if the other guys could play...

Not THAT Shawn Green
Slumpy, jumpy Sean Green
Was it too much pre-warm-up caffeine?
Come out of that dip, maybe you'll crack that WHIP
Have you tried... overhand-ing?

[youtube:2sek43ol]oc-P8oDuS0Q[/youtube:2sek43ol]

[Edgy MD]

Ron Herbel in seventy, I was a Mettie
Had sauce on all my pitches but my bat was spaghetti
Swinging at the fastballs, staring at the cuveballs
My average was so small that it wasn't there at all

Killed the rallies � my batting was brutal
They sent me up there flailin', but brother, it was futile
A good afternoon, I go oh for three
See a couple pitches, I return to my seat

You put me in the game, you�re insane to complain
That I wear the word �Mets� like a stain on my shirt
I�m the worst hitting pitcher you ever saw breathe
I was a punchless revelation with the logo on my sleeve

So save your cheers for a batter with a spark
I�m draining all the power in the whole ballpark
(Yo, cut it)

�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby!
So why do you hit me?
(Double barrel suckshot)
�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby!
So why don�t you sit me?

Oh-for-54 � it�s a record that�s nightmare
I made Pedro and Leiter look like Reyes and Wright; There�
Will never be more of an offensive drag
Got nothing in my pole, and I never reach the bag

Batted oh-two-nine � my career was a hackjob
I pitched OK, but bat was made of corn cob
Have yourself a cold one when I�m bending my wing
And then empty all your bladders when it�s time for me to swing

If you don�t suck eggs, then you can't relate
Take a swing, take a seat, thank the fans for the hate
My bat is a rotten log eaten by a termite
That's chokin' on the splinters

�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby!
So why do you hit me?
(Watch a sucker whiff kids)
�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby!
So why don�t you sit me?

Yo, bring it on down

(I'm a swinger, I'm a misser
Things are gonna change, I can feel it)

�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby!
So why do you hit me?
(I can't deceive you)
�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby!
So why do you hit me?

�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby!
So why don�t you sit me?
(Sprechen sie Suck, baby?)

�Soy mal bateador!
I'm a whiffer, Baby
So why do you hit me?
(Know what I'm sayin'?)

YgSPaXgAdzE

[TransMonk]

And the semis don't disappoint.

Can I get a poll up in heya?

[Guest themetfairy]

Well done gentlemen!

[Edgy MD]

It's like he picked a tune from my collection and I one from his.

[G-Fafif]

Herbel was a Met in 1970, never for Stengel (and never batted as a Met)...so am I missing something here?

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Nice work, both.

LWFS is going to get my vote for tapping into my hatred of the Sean Green Trade. It was shirley one of the major things that went wrong in that horrid post '08 season that sort of soured me on the Mets ever since. And Green showed his colors early, refusing the No. 48 assignment because the rotten fans who supported such dumb moves were piloting the Shea wrecking ball, or whatever. F You, Sean Green.

[Edgy MD]

G-Fafif wrote: Herbel was a Met in 1970, never for Stengel (and never batted as a Met)...so am I missing something here?

No, I put up a pre-edited version of my thing. Suck me. I'll edit.

[Edgy MD]

And so I brace for the brutal beatdown.

[G-Fafif]

Would have accepted "literary license," too, but your historical integrity is appreciated.

[Edgy MD]

Yours, really.

I wrote it late at night based on Herbelistic memory, e-mailed it to work, committed to edit it this morning, but then inexplicably pasted in the first one. Boo, me.

Ask me about Ron Herbel at the end of my life, I'll recall three things:

[list:3rp08pdt][*:3rp08pdt]Decent pitcher[/*:m:3rp08pdt]
[*:3rp08pdt]Brutal batter, hitting .029 for his career.[/*:m:3rp08pdt]
[*:3rp08pdt]Went 0-54 as a rookie --- and 1-106 over his first two seasons.[/*:m:3rp08pdt][/list:u:3rp08pdt]

I figure that if you give Mary Tyler Moore a bat, she can do better than .029.

[G-Fafif]

Edgy DC wrote: I figure that if you give Mary Tyler Moore a bat, she can do better than .029.

Love is all around
I just got two hits!

[Edgy MD]

Now that would have been a good submission.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Edgy DC wrote: It's like he picked a tune from my collection and I one from his.

Not only that, but I went back for a song to cover a modern-day topic, while you went twenty years the other way.

Also, was considering another Beck song as one of my three finalists for this round. All sorts of spooky stuff going on here.

[TransMonk]

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr wrote: Not only that, but I went back for a song to cover a modern-day topic, while you went twenty years the other way.

I like the way you think.

http://archives.cranepoolforum.net/8400/f18_t8421.shtml

[A Boy Named Seo]

worth the wait, boys. both outstanding.

[ashie62]

I like Beck over Dexys MR any day..

[Guest sharpie]

Isn't this a 48 hour contest? If so, we have a tie.

I remember years ago being in a tie and we had to write another song on an assigned player (Eric Hillman). Is that what happens now?

[Edgy MD]

Can't believe I scratched out a tie. Wolfie, deal us a new card or whatever you think best.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

So... wait. This all done? Where'd the other two votes come from?

[Fman99]

I just voted. You guys are in another league here, impressive work. I went with LWFS for his cock jokes.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Pandering works!

[Edgy MD]

Hey, man, wait! Late votes!

Oh, well, I concede.

[Edgy MD]

So, we're calling this to LWFS, right?

[metirish]

Putin couldn't have done this voting better.

[Guest sharpie]

I think a concession is a concession and LWFS is the Western Division champeen but I suppose the decision is up to the Wolfman.

[Edgy MD]

Oh, sure, I stand by my concession. I'm not that guy. But if Seawolf calls me back in to service, says my country needs me, how can I refuse?

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

metirish wrote: Putin couldn't have done this voting better.

Carousel voting and 'absentee ballots' work!



This probably would have worked a lot better if I knew what the hell I was doing with polls.