Invent your own horrific loss

[Fman99]

Well, jeez, last night got me thinking of all the soul-crushing Mets losses, misplays and self-soilings of 2009. For the misery of the last two Septembers I think they were, at least, your traditional methods of losing. Bad pitching. Failure to hit. Bullpen made of tapioca. Etc.

But this year. Holy fucking hell. Watching Jerry boob his way through the 10th like that, plunking guys in, wild pitches, infield pop-ups dropped, missing bases, Fartinez shitting himself lying down on the field in Milwaukee, the list goes on and on and on.

And the injuries! Castillo falling down the fucking steps? I don't know how that even happens.

So. A little fiction is in order here. What's the next catastrophic mess, either on the field or off, to beset the 2009 Mets?

Here... I'll get the ball rolling.

The entire Mets team, while filming a commercial (for Ipecac maybe?) in which the entire team jumps in the air in synchronous fashion (like when in "Anchorman," Will Ferrell and his buddies resolve to all go out and buy new suits), all the players simultaneously land badly and break the bones in their legs.

[Benjamin Grimm]

I can see an injury coming from those jumping heinie-bumps they do after a win, except, of course, that they don't win.

[Frayed Knot]

The problem with most sports fiction is that it's never as good (or as bad) as reality.

[Guest Rockin' Doc]

Fact is stranger than fiction.

[Frayed Knot]

I got one: a pitcher, who's only up because of injuries to others, stretches while trying to get an out at 1st in the 2nd inning of early start game the day after losing an extra-inning gut-wrencher in which the 2nd baseman hurts himself falling down the stairs.

I mean wouldn't that be weird?

[Guest Edgy DC]

It would be funny if they had called up a guy to do a one-time emergency start a few days before --- due to a doubleheader or something. After spitting the bit in that start, but hanging around on the roster for a few days waiting to be DFA'd for the umpteenth time, he gets thrown in as an emergency measure after the stretching accident, and shuts the opposition down for a few innings.

Edited August 5, 2009 by Guest

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Cut to horrific endgame, wherein Nelson Figueroa, while receiving a celebratory high-five from HoJo, is accidentally decapitated.

[ashie62]

Figueroas head falls on Razor Shines aging ankle making him the first disabled coach

[Frayed Knot]

="LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr":17r4yztu]Cut to horrific endgame, wherein Nelson Figueroa, while receiving a celebratory high-five from HoJo, is accidentally decapitated.[/quote:17r4yztu] Only because HoJo corks his arms.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr Aug 05 2009 12:53 PM

In collapsing following his ankles' being pulverized by Figueroa's bounding skull, Razor flails his arms wildly in pain. Going through the postgame procession off-field, Alex Cora espies Razor and, thinking he's being waved home, slows warily at the clubhouse entrance. A 20-man crush at said entrance ensues. After being yanked from the fray too quickly, Brian Stokes and Pedro Feliciano suffer severe neck trauma and pass away at the ER. Deeply sensitive to the psychic disturbance, Mike Pelfrey, Oliver Perez and-- miles away-- young Jenrry Mejia plunge into a catatonic state, from which they will only recover sporadically, to sing "Sweet Caroline" during the eighth inning of each Mets victory over the next 35-37 years. It is revealed seven months later that trainer Ray Ramirez also perished in the crush.

Willets Point Aug 05 2009 12:58 PM

The 2009 Mets are starting to look like Sam Peckinpah's Salad Days.

OlerudOwned Aug 05 2009 01:01 PM

During the upcoming series in San Diego, several Mets are suspended under Major League Baseball's drug policy for licking shortstop David Eckstein, whose skin excretes a venom with psychoactive properties.

Benjamin Grimm Aug 05 2009 01:02 PM

="Edgy DC":1doau5ms]Parnell in a save situation here, right?[/quote:1doau5ms] Yep, if he pitches the final 3 innings. Benjamin Grimm Aug 05 2009 01:03 PM And he has pitched the final three, so he gets a save. Edgy DC Aug 05 2009 01:03 PM Thanks, removed my post for being in the wrong thread, though.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

In collapsing following his ankles' being pulverized by Figueroa's bounding skull, Razor flails his arms wildly in pain. Going through the postgame procession off-field, Alex Cora espies Razor and, thinking he's being waved home, slows warily at the clubhouse entrance.

A 20-man crush at said entrance ensues. After being yanked from the fray too quickly, Brian Stokes and Pedro Feliciano suffer severe neck trauma and pass away at the ER. Deeply sensitive to the psychic disturbance, Mike Pelfrey, Oliver Perez and-- miles away-- young Jenrry Mejia plunge into a catatonic state, from which they will only recover sporadically, to sing "Sweet Caroline" during the eighth inning of each Mets victory over the next 35-37 years.

It is revealed seven months later that trainer Ray Ramirez also perished in the crush.

[Willets Point]

The 2009 Mets are starting to look like Sam Peckinpah's Salad Days.

[Guest OlerudOwned]

During the upcoming series in San Diego, several Mets are suspended under Major League Baseball's drug policy for licking shortstop David Eckstein, whose skin excretes a venom with psychoactive properties.

[Benjamin Grimm]

="Edgy DC":1doau5ms]Parnell in a save situation here, right?[/quote:1doau5ms] Yep, if he pitches the final 3 innings.

Benjamin Grimm Aug 05 2009 01:03 PM

And he has pitched the final three, so he gets a save.

Edgy DC Aug 05 2009 01:03 PM

Thanks, removed my post for being in the wrong thread, though.

[Benjamin Grimm]

And he has pitched the final three, so he gets a save.

[Guest Edgy DC]

Thanks, removed my post for being in the wrong thread, though.