taking a non-baseball fan to Shea

[Guest iramets]

A foreign-born lady I know told me recently that she'd be interested in seeing a baseball game sometime. Since she's an inordinately attractive lady, and single, I immediately volunteered my services as as both an explainer of baseball (she knows nothing other than, as she put it, "They hit a ball, right?") and as her escort for an afternoon at Shea sometime soon.

Somewhat surprisingly (for those of you who've had a look at me), she agreed to both.

So now I'm wondering:

How best (and how much) instruction does a total novice need to enjoy an afternoon at Shea? Obviously, I could rattle on and on, explaining the niceties of the doubleswitch and the balk rule, but I'd like some advice on how to explain just enough and not too much. Would a preliminary afternoon at a nearby Little League field help? An hour watching a game on taped TV, with much pausing? Or just a few choice sentences?

Also, anyone with a schedule handy, what's the first few home series in May, when my schedule lets up? Is there a good weekend series that's not all sold out yet? I'm hoping for decent seats, so obviously the Yankees series or whatnot will put us in the upper deck most likely, and I'd rather avoid that for her first game.

[nymr83]

DON'T DO IT!!!

taking a girl who doest like he game to shea is a surefire way to jinx the mets! do us all a favor and take her to yankee stadium!

edit- the yankee series is probably sold out, not only would you ben in the upper deck you'd be scalping tickets or buying them off ebay.

early may games: 1st, 2nd, 11th-20th inclusive (18th-20th is yankees)

[Guest Yancy Street Gang]

I wouldn't try to explain too much.

Three outs to an inning. Nine innings. A run is scored when a player advances around the bases.

An out is made when a fly ball is caught in the air, when the batter gets three strikes, or when the throw beats the runner to the base.

That will allow her to understand the basics of what she's seeing. Beyond that, just answer any questions she might have. Maybe talk about the players a little bit, and try to give her an understanding of why the people in the crowd care as much as they do.

[Guest ABG]

http://images.google.ca/images?q=david+wright&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi

[metirish]

I think you are probably taking g the piss but anyway,I think a good place to start would be to explain balls and strikes,how a pitchers can get a hitter out,why didn't the hitter run to first base when he hit the ball back towards us..stuff like that,explain the basics of defense and offence,like why are there players way out over in left and right field.....

May 11 starts a nice home stand,before that they are on the road....

[Guest Kid Carsey]

At all costs, don't talk about the manager.

[Guest Yancy Street Gang]

Maybe explain to her what "taking the piss" means.

I think it means "kidding" but I'm not sure.

[Guest iramets]

Yancy Street Gang wrote: Maybe explain to her what "taking the piss" means. I think it means "kidding" but I'm not sure.

Yeah. I'm imagining myself holding a test tube full of my urine sample, with a dazed look on my face, wondering, "Well, metirish said it, but I'm not sure I'm doing this right..."

[Guest cooby]

I wasn't aware that YOU were a baseball fan, Sal. You sure don't seem to be.

[Guest holychicken]

My GF was a yankee "fan" until I taught her about baseball. . . now she loves the Mets. Maybe it was because I beat her everytime she said she liked the Yankees, but I like to think that it is more that any knowledgable fan is more likely to love the Mets.

The way I did it is to just kind of give the basics. . . as yancy said, outs, innings, walks, hits and runs. Then just sit back and wait for the questions. Worked better for me while we were actually at games because it was more engaging.

After a couple of years, my gf has a fairly good concept of what is going on. She has even gone so far as to notice some bonehead moves by Willie

[Guest Rotblatt]

]How best (and how much) instruction does a total novice need to enjoy an afternoon at Shea?

Really, the fun part about being at a game in person is the crowd, so I'd just go over the basics Yancy mentioned, then focus on explaining why the crowd is behaving a certain way.

"They're all standing on their feet and clapping because they want our pitcher to strike out the batter--get him to swing and miss at a pitch."

"They're booing this guy because he's always done really well against us in the past. And he's a lazy fuck who doesn't know how to spell his own name."

"The manager's about to pull him out of the game, and we're cheering because he pitched really well."

"We're singing the Ole song because it's ethnic, just like Reyes."

etc. etc.

If she's smart (which I suppose is questionable, given her choice of companion ;-) ), she'll pick up on the basics on her own, and ask questions about what she doesn't understand.

I wouldn't do a pre-screening--games are way more fun in person for the uninitiated.

[Guest iramets]

cooby wrote: I wasn't aware that YOU were a baseball fan, Sal. You sure don't seem to be.

Oh, no. I totally hate the game, the players, the fans, Shea Stadium, the strategy, the history...there's very little about it, and the rest of life for that matter, that I don't have a sick, personality-warping, pleasure-destroying hatred of, you've sure got me right there, Cooby.

It's just that I'm hoping to cover some of that up, for a few hours, so I'll appreciate your help in fooling this poor lady into ignoring my severe defects of character and personality. Maybe if I medicate enough, and do a little hypnosis beforehand, I can do a passable imitation of a human being. You never know....

[Guest Johnny Dickshot]

Proven Fact of Love: If the weather is pleasant your baseball-game date will be too. If not, it won't.

[Guest iramets]

Yancy Street Gang wrote: Maybe explain to her what "taking the piss" means. I think it means "kidding" but I'm not sure.

For those who are curious, here's what I found

I guess what I was asking (and what Yancy answered) is "When should I just STFU?" Outs, innings, and the crowd should do it. I'll write that on the back on my hand.

[G-Fafif]

Johnny Dickshot wrote: Proven Fact of Love: If the weather is pleasant your baseball-game date will be too. If not, it won't.

Amen brother.

Explain only what's asked for. It's a date. Not a tutorial.

[HahnSolo]

Let her guide the conversation. If she asks about why Jose Reyes wears his sunglasses above his cap brim, answer. Don't try to be overwhelming and offer too much information. You want to have stuff to say on your second trip to Shea.

Don't do the little league or game-on-TV thing. If she decides from that that she doesnt like baseball, then its no Sheadate for you.

On a related note, one of my best friends had his first date with a non-Mets fan at a game at Shea. They're now going on 7 years married.

[Guest iramets]

G-Fafif wrote: ="Johnny Dickshot"]Proven Fact of Love: If the weather is pleasant your baseball-game date will be too. If not, it won't. Amen brother. Explain only what's asked for. It's a date. Not a tutorial.

This suggests to me that I should probably get tix close to the day of the game, depending on what he weather's likely to be. So who do the Mets play the weekend of the 11-13th?

The Brewers. Oh, well...

[metirish]

Mets are playing the Brewers,the Cubs are in town for a four game series starting the 14th with a day game on the 17th.

[Guest Johnny Dickshot]

One of the first, but not the first, date with my Wifey was a Mets game. Of course, I had a few other first Metdates in the past that didn't lead to marriage.

[Guest Johnny Dickshot]

Night games make much better dates than Gay Dames. Or day games.

[dinosaur jesus]

I went with two foreign women once to a ballgame. A German I knew and her sister. It was in St. Louis. I told them that in America people sometimes put sauerkraut on their hot dogs, and they were so intrigued by this that they spent half an hour running around Busch Stadium looking for a concession stand that had sauerkraut. There wasn't one, which seems odd. The game didn't engage them much, but they were very impressed by how cheerful and polite the crowd was, in contrast to a European soccer crowd.

[Centerfield]

Do her in the parking lot before the game to break the ice.

[Guest iramets]

She isn't Latvian, you know.

[Guest Johnny Dickshot]

wham

[Guest attgig]

g'luck bro! and make sure to keep your head on straight: talk about 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and home during the game, and get to 1st, 2nd, 3rd and home after the game.

[nymr83]

i'd laugh my ass off if she found this board.

[Guest Rockin' Doc]

Whatever you do, don't be your usual curmudgeon self. Just kidding.

I think Yancey hit the nail right on the head. Don't overwhelm her with too much information. Hopefully, she likes beer and hot dogs.

[Guest ABG]

Rockin' Doc wrote: Whatever you do, don't be your usual curmudgeon self. Just kidding. I think Yancey hit the nail right on the head. Don't overwhelm her with too much information. Hopefully, she likes beer and hot dogs.

If she doesn't like beer and hot dogs, I say just leave her at Shea for a full immersion learning experience.

[Willets Point]

"It's one of our quaint American traditions for woman to lean over to the man next to her and kiss him with tongues after the the 3rd, 5th, and 8th innings."

[Guest Rockin' Doc]

What must a victory by the home team be worth?