Farmer Ted

I hat the trolley dodgers. KILL KILL KILL!

KILL KILL KILL I HAT LA!

Yogi in the rainbow sweater, tho. Not a good look.

This is when I wish Paulie was still around to rant and rave. Holy fuck Harvey is stupid. The regular season ended Sunday and he had 48 hours to get back.

Caught my friend lose all enthusiasm for life when he found himself on the wrong end of a fantasy golf bet. FANTASY FUCKING GOLF.

I somehow didn't get in this poll (prolly because I HAT all of you!). In any case, my best case scenario was 81-81. 2016 was going to be the "Harvey and Parnell are all better now" year. Little did I know Sandy had the keys to a spare stack of cash. But I NEVER doubted Terry. Good golly I love Terry. Lubba wubba.

First off, it's pronounced Hows-ton. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhaap42I2sc

SportsPickle Jonathan Papelbon Arrested After Strangling Man with 17 Grocery Items in �15 Items Or Less� Line BETHESDA, MD?�?Suspended Washington Nationals closer Jonathan Papelbon is in police custody today after being arrested for attempting to strangle a customer in line in front of him at Whole Foods who placed 17 items on the belt in the �15 Items Or Less� express checkout line. Papelbon nearly choked the elderly man out before he was pulled away by cashier ladies and an egg delivery man. Police were immediately called to the scene by the store manager while Papelbon was held on the ground. �Is there no code here?! Is there no code in this Whole Foods?!� Papelbon repeatedly yelled. �That man had 17 items! The sign clearly said 15! Someone had to say what needed to be said! Has the whole world gone mad?!� But according to eye witnesses, Papelbon said almost nothing to the 84-year old grandfather of 11 before locking his hands around the man�s neck. �I heard Papelbon counting out the last few items the man placed on the belt, �13, 14, 15, 16 � 17!�� said a woman who saw the attack. �He got louder with each number. And when that last item hit the belt, he screamed �SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!� and began strangling the guy with all his might.� Reactions were mixed throughout the grocery store over the incident. Some said that the �15 items� limit is more a loose suggestion, like a speed limit; while others said many people take advantage of the express aisle and try to go through with large orders. �I�m glad someone finally did something about it,� said one cashier who wished to remain anonymous. Leo Altshazer, the local retirement home resident Papelbon attacked, said he didn�t intentionally go over the 15-item limit. �I grabbed a handful of caramels from the candy aisle,� said Altshazer, rubbing his neck. �I didn�t know exactly how many I got and I didn�t know each individual caramel counted as an item.� Papelbon is expected to be bailed out of jail later today by Nationals manager Matt Williams.

Washington Post: Five Storylines to Watch as the Nationals' Season Winds Down (translation "it's fucking over") From preseason World Series favorite to a team in need of a late-season miracle, the Nationals have slim playoff hopes and could officially be eliminated as early as this weekend. It�s a disappointing reality for longtime Nationals players Ian Desmond and Jordan Zimmermann, who could end their tenures with the organization having never won a playoff series. While player turnover is inevitable, a historic season from Bryce Harper and an impressive second half from a healthy Stephen Strasburg suggest that the Nationals� future is still bright. Below are five storylines to monitor as a disappointing campaign winds down. 1. Harper looks to pad his MVP r�sum� Bryce Harper, 22, is looking to make D.C. baseball history. Not since 1925 has a Washington baseball player been named MVP, and never before has a Washington player won a batting title and home run crown in the same season. Harper, who has an NL-best .339 average and 41 homers, could change that. He is five home runs shy of matching the Nationals� single-season record and four shy of 100 for his career. 2. Possible last week for Desmond in D.C. Ian Desmond has been a fixture in the Nationals� lineup since 2010, appearing in 93 percent of Washington�s games over that span. He�s the organization�s longest-tenured player and the only one with ties to the Montreal Expos (2004, third-round pick). But with free agency looming this offseason, Desmond may be entering his final days with the club. He is two home runs shy of a fourth consecutive 20-homer season. 3. Zimmermann�s final start with Nationals Like Desmond, Jordan Zimmermann is another pending free agent whose days may be numbered with the only organization he has known. The Nationals� second-round pick in 2007, Zimmermann (13-8, 3.49 ERA) is slated to make his final home start Friday against Philadelphia. No pitcher has won more games for the Nationals (2005-present) than Zimmermann (70-48), who is 9?1/3 innings shy of 200 for the season. 4. Strasburg capping brilliant second half While the Nationals have struggled the past couple of months, Stephen Strasburg has been among the few bright spots. Since returning from the disabled list Aug. 8, he is 5-2 with a 2.24 ERA, 72 strikeouts and six walks in 52?1/3 innings. He is slated to make his final home start Saturday against Philadelphia. Strasburg will enter the outing with three straight games of double-digit strikeouts for the first time in his career. 5. Last chance for Roark in rotation Zimmermann and Doug Fister made up two-fifths of the Nationals� season-opening rotation, and it�s likely neither will return next season. The Nationals may search beyond the organization to fill the void, but Tanner Roark is among in-house options. He was second on the team with 15 wins in 2014, but struggled while shuttling between the bullpen and the rotation this year. After Thursday�s outing, Roark has a 5.64 ERA in 10 starts this season.

I think that's the kid from Little Big League.

I think Boswell is on the Boras payroll. Oh, the timing. $500 fucking million. By Thomas Boswell Columnist September 17 at 8:39 PM  What does Bryce Harper’s amazing season, in which he has duplicated the production of Mickey Mantle in his prime, mean when we step back and look at this gorgeous wave, with the Washington Nationals slugger locked in its curl for months, as it finally comes roaring toward shore? His 2015 explosion has at least three major implications. First, he has, for at least one season, topped Mike Trout as the best player in the majors. Harper’s blown the ceiling off his ceiling. “ ‘The sky’s the limit’ is an understatement,” Gio Gonzalez said after Harper’s 40th homer Wednesday. “I think it’s more than that.” Second, with an adamant endorsement this week of Matt Williams, his embattled manager, Harper may well have made it difficult, if not impossible for the Nats to make any decision except to retain Williams. Harper has linked his breakout season directly to Wiliams’s theories and his in-game at-bat-to-at-bat coaching. Third, Harper has rocketed so high that, before he can duplicate his 2015 show in 2016 and certify a market value of, perhaps, $500 million, the Lerners need to decide whether they should approach him about a lifetime contract, like Miami did when it signed Giancarlo Stanton for $325 million over 13 years. Think $400 million — or 49 percent of Tysons Corner. Let’s take them in order. Most immediate, we have only 16 more games to watch a player performing at a level that has rarely been surpassed by an honest player except Babe Ruth and Ted Williams. We’re all told that the future is not given. So we can’t know whether Harper will ever again be MLB’s best player. But he is this season. Will he win the NL’s MVP award? That is mere voting, with agendas, biases and definitions of “value.” His season is raw, blunt fact. Maybe he tapers off. But in other Septembers, he has sprinted to the wire. Harper has had seven games when he has drawn either three or four walks. Boring? Only if you aren’t watching his face. He seems like a human rifle, sighting itself in, honing on the target, narrowing the range of vision and becoming a better weapon. After his walkathons, he’s gone crazy the next day — all seven times — hitting .560 and slugging 1.160. Everything about Harper this season is different, better, more mature and controlled, sometimes so excellent that it seems nearly impossible to maintain. Since his “0-4-0-1” line of Sept. 3, Harper has hit nine homers in 13 games and leads the NL in homers (40) and batting average (.340). No one has led the league in those two categories since 1939. “Bryce is the best player in the NL for sure,” Max Scherzer said. “He keeps rising to the challenge of getting even better than he is now.” To compare players between eras and adjust for how much they dominated their peers, you can use “OPS+” — on-base-plus-slugging percentage, adjusted for era and home park. League norm is set at 100 for each year. A 120 OPS+ means you’re 20 percent above the league norm. A career mark over 145 probably books you in Cooperstown. The best career mark is Babe Ruth’s 206. Here are some players who never reached that “200” level in any season: Willie Mays, Trout, Hank Aaron, Miguel Cabrera, Joe DiMaggio, Ken Griffey Jr., Albert Pujols, Frank Robinson and every active player in MLB — except Harper, who is sitting at 204 for this season. His past two years combined is 167, which would be top 10 in history, and he’s at 144 for his four years in the majors. Second point, this week Harper gave Williams an endorsement that was at least an “11” on a scale of 10. Harper “loves” him. Matt reminds Bryce of his favorite high school coach and of his own dad, too. More important, Williams has been his “head” coach all season in how Harper approaches hitting, from the big picture to individual at-bats, down to anticipating pitch sequences. Mechanics, no. Everything else, yes. A general manager and owner ultimately decide a manager’s fate, not a 22-year-old. But if the Nats fire Williams and Harper’s future performance does not approach this season, then the guy that did the dump will look like a dunce. The gap between the 10.8 WAR pace that Harper is on this season and even a very good mark of 5.0 is probably far more than any new manager could provide. Do you think the Angels, Pirates or Giants would have fired a manager that Trout, Andrew McCutchen or Buster Posey loved, backed publicly and credited as central to their breakout MVP seasons? Maybe, but I bet not. Third, it’s time for the Lerner family to decide whether they believe in lifetime contracts for any 22-year-old. If that’s a “yes,” then what’s their top deal to lock up Harper to age 35? Then make the offer, probably before next season, and cross your fingers. Harper can’t leave D.C. until after 2018. But the earlier you make your big play, the greater the team’s leverage because they assume the risk while also showing enormous confidence and affection bordering on “join our family as a partner.” “It’s really rare to see a player reach his level so young. I was always told your prime was 28-33. That’s eight prime years after 25,” Scherzer said, perfectly hitting the age (25) when the Nats’ control of Harper would end. Of course, Scherzer already has a $210 million deal, shares the same agent with Harper and would love Bryce’s bat to provide runs far into his pitching future. To help the Lerners, let’s give a case study. Harper’s dad worshiped Mantle. Harper wears No. 34 because 3+4 = 7 and the Mick wore No. 7. In Mantle’s 10 best years (1955-64), he averaged 137 games, 37 HRs, 95 RBI, a .314 average and .614 slugging percentage. Entering Thursday, Harper had played 138 games. How convenient. His line: 40 HRs, 92 RBI, .338 and .670. Can Harper be consistent? Can he stay healthy? I’ve tried to study every player whose career before age 25 resembled Harper’s. How many got hurt? How many with hindsight were worth a megadeal of 12-plus years? My guesstimate: 75 percent. But it sure isn’t 100 percent. Whatever you think of Harper’s outspoken, brash personality, the Lerners, including owner Ted and his influential wife, Annette, just about dote on him. On a coast-to-coast flight last month, Harper sat and talked with the family for an hour. “You have to realize that he really is only 22,” one Lerner who felt that the family had a bit of in-loco-parentis responsibility. “He’d never been to Europe. He asked. ‘Where should I go?’ ” Whenever Harper asks a Lerner where he should go, they should seriously consider saying, “Oh, just stay in Washington.” Then back it up.

Did the Mets have to pay to open that 5-day window. That kinda shit ain't free.

Bondy is scheduled to be a featured speaker at a journalism panel in my hood on Oct. 2. Hope he still gets here.

Washington Post: Jayson Werth: �I think at the end of the season we�ll look back and look at it as an opportunity wasted�

I think the Mets make a big play to sign the guy. Captain America restructures his deal and opens the way for a cool $20 million to be spent on Cuban cigars.

Does anyone remember the Mets getting no-hit by the Giants and some no-name triple-A hack named Heston on June 9? Me neither.

Bor-Dick.

A good time to check on your minor league fantasy players from a few years back, 2010. Evaluations and explanations of sorcery written by John Sickels. Top 20 New York Mets Prospects for 2010 All grades are EXTREMELY PRELIMINARY and subject to change. Don't get too worried about exact rankings at this point, especially once you get beyond the Top 10. Grade C+/C guys are pretty interchangeable depending on what you want to emphasize. Complete reports on these and over 1,000 other players will be in the 2010 Baseball Prospect Book, now available for pre-order, shipping on February 2nd! 1) Jenrry Mejia, RHP, Grade B+: He needs to refine his breaking ball and a full year of Double-A/Triple-A is necessary in my view, but he also has number one starter potential. I hope they don't rush him. 2) Wilmer Flores, SS, Grade B+: Considering the age/competition differential, he had a pretty good year. Hard to get a handle on him sabermetrically as a result, but I'll give him some slack. 3) Fernando Martinez, OF, Grade B+: People are now too negative on him. The guy was the equivalent of a college sophomore last year. If a college sophomore got drafted and hit .290/.337/.540 in Triple-A, people would be drooling over him. He's made significant progress refining his tools. My main concern now is health and durability, which keeps him from ranking higher. 4) Ike Davis, 1B, Grade B: Showed he could hit for power, also has a fine glove. But I think he looks more like a solid regular than a future star. 5) Jon Niese, LHP, Grade B: Assuming the hamstring is OK, I see him as a slightly above average starting pitcher, classic number three guy. 6) Reese Havens, SS, Grade B-: He'll need to switch positions, and health is an issue. Has power and draws walks, and I think the batting average will come up if he stays healthy. 7) Kyle Allen, RHP, Grade B-: Significantly underrated prospect who deserves more attention than he's received. Breakout candidate for '10. I expect this ranking will surprise people. 8) Jeurys Familia, RHP, Grade B-: Like his teammate Allen at Savannah, Familia could break through big in '10. This is another ranking I expect will surprise people. 9) Brad Holt, RHP, Grade C+: I don't like the way he fell apart in Double-A, but the arm strength still deserves respect. Perhaps he might do better in relief. 10) Ruben Tejada, INF, Grade C+: At worst a fine utility guy, but given his youth (age 20) and contact hitting ability he could get beyond that. I like him as a sleeper for long-term success. 11) Kirk Nieuwenhuis, OF, Grade C+: The strikeouts scare me a little, but he has a broad range of skills. 12) Eric Niesen, LHP, Grade C+: You have to love the velocity and movement on his pitches, but command still holds him back. 13) Jefry Marte, 3B, Grade C+: Didn't handle the rush job as well as Flores did, but he's too young to give up on. Plate discipline a big problem. 14) Cesar Puello, OF, Grade C: Excellent tools, showed speed and power potential in the Appy League but weak plate discipline worries me. Could rank much higher next year if he handles more advanced pitching. 15) Josh Thole, C, Grade C: He can hit for average, but has no power and defense is mediocre. Sounds like a bench guy to me. 16) Juan Urbina, LHP, Grade C: He was born a week after I got my master's degree. I'm getting really freaking old. Has the raw potential to rank higher than this but let's see him pitch first. 17) Steve Matz, LHP, Grade C: I think cold-weather high school pitchers are often underrated in comparison to their warm weather counterparts. We'll see if Matz fits that profile. 18) Brent Rustich, RHP, Grade C: If he can stay healthy, he could help in the Mets pen sooner than expected. 19) Tobi Stoner, RHP, Grade C: Could contribute in '10 as fifth starter/long relief type. 20) Dillon Gee, RHP, Grade C: Like Stoner, he can contribute this year, assuming his shoulder rehab has gone well. OTHERS: (Grade C): Eric Beaulac, RHP; Shawn Bowman, 3B; Robert Carson, LHP; Zach Dotson, LHP; Lucas Duda, 1B; Clint Everts, RHP; Carlos Guzman, OF; Zach Lutz, 3B; Roy Merritt, LHP; Scott Moviel, RHP; Sean Ratliff, OF; Aderlin Rodriguez, 3B; Armando Rodriguez, RHP; Nick Santomauro, OF; Josh Satin, UT: Scott Shaw, RHP; Josh Stinson, RHP; Robbie Shields, SS; Nelfi Zapata, C. Most of those Grade C guys could slot in the 14-20 spots depending on what you emphasize. I am rushed for time on the book and didn't spend hours and hours worrying about the 14-20 Grade C ranks, so please bear with me. First I want to clarify something I wrote earlier about propaganda and groupthink surrounding the Mets system. Everyone is vulnerable to the lure of crowd opinion. . .even people who regard themselves as independent observers still absorb biases, or conversely, they fight so hard against other people's biases that they go too far in the other direction. This is especially true for any organization which has a substantial media presence surrounding it and a motivated fanbase. It cuts both ways: a run-of-the-mill Grade C prospect can easily get overhyped, but at the same time a guy who is really an excellent prospect can fall victim to unrealistic expectations. Fernando Martinez, as I point out above, is absolutely still an elite prospect, yet people are disappointed in him through no fault of his own. Part of the problem with analyzing the Mets is the weird way they have handled prospects. Some guys, particularly the Latin American signees, have been rushed way too fast, while others have been handled very cautiously. I'd be a lot more confident in sabermetrically analyzing Wilmer Flores if he'd been playing in the New York-Penn League for example. However, you write your baseball book with the data you have, not the data you wish you had. On the pitching side, the Mets have something potentially special in Jenrry Mejia, although they really need to be careful about how they handle him in '10. His secondary stuff still needs work, and I think they are asking for trouble if they rush him. Niese is ready now, and while he's not spectacular I think he will have a good career. Holt and Niesen have upside but need to sharpen their command. There are other Grade C types who can help as utility pitchers soon, but I'm very intrigued by the pitching the Mets have gathered in A-ball. Allen and Familia look like breakout candidates to me and I'm going to rank them aggressively. Lefties Matz and Urbina provide some long-distance projection. On the hitting side, Martinez can still be a star, but he's got to stay healthy. I think 400 Triple-A at-bats would do him a world of good. Flores' numbers in the Sally League aren't great, but he was the youngest guy in the circuit and we have to cut him some slack for that. Ike Davis should be a solid hitter, while Tejada, Havens and Nieuwenhuis can at least be contributors and maybe more. Thole is one of the guys I think is overhyped. Marte and Puelo have potential but are too raw to rank higher at this stage. Overall, I think the Mets system is stronger at the top than a lot of people think, but at the same time they could use more depth in Grade C+/B- types. Some of the Cs have the potential to improve greatly.

I'd like to know what kind of sandwich Thor was putting together when the Captain made his rounds. He looks like a chicken parm kinda guy. Extra marinara. In any case, Thor's won me over, especially when he pitches at home. Never expected that.

Washington Post: Ray Knight scolds Nats fan wearing a paper bag: �You just look stupid� Philly Daily News: Ruben Amaro's vision was shortsighted

Terry Collins, managerial savant.

Washington Post: After another buckle, the Nationals prove they need a stronger spine {giggling}

Not going to lie. Skipped over a curb today.

Sign them all to long term contracts Wilpon you cheap sombabitch!

Niese is a middle finger blister away from a bullpen demotion or DFA. My opinion mind you