Valadius

I'd like to thank JD for the format idea and also Dwight Gooden and Sidney Ponson for being dumb enough to give me the content idea.

Castro is at the very least going to stick around.Now if only we could get him to smile for once instead having the ridiculous "durr!" face...Come on, Ramon! Show a little emotion!

Let's call this meeting to order. This is Substance Abusers Anonymous for Baseball Players. As you know, I'm David Wells, Boston Red Sox, who threw a perfect game while half-drunk.Get on with it already, you overweight tub of lard.I wouldn't talk if I were you, Sidney.That's Sir Sidney Ponson to you, greaseball.You can't even throw a fastball, let alone a greaseball, lumpy.You guys gotta, like, chill out man... embrace the whoa-ness of life like I did, dudes...You all know Mark Corey, who with the Mets had an unfortunate episode in the Shea Stadium parking lot after smoking weed as usual...Hee-hee!And now for roll call. Barry?Shut up.Jason Giambi?I won't admit I'm here, but I will say that I'm not somewhere else.Raffy?I don't know how I got here, but I'm prepared to participate fully in this meeting.Julio Lugo?She didn't mean nothin' when she called the police, I swear!Right... Sheff? Sheff? Gary Sheffield, are you here?Um... Sheff's out looking for his degenerate uncle Dwight Gooden in every known Tampa crackhouse. He should have been here by now though...Lemme tell ya, he's got his work cut out for him... Tampa's got a lot of crackhouses, whorehouses, warehouses, courthouses...Well, maybe we should just......steakhouses, wafflehouses... ooh, those are good... firehouses...Greenhouses! They got lots of nice doobies there!Shut up, fools!A-hem-hem! As I was saying, we should adjourn this meeting and go help Sheff find our brother in substance abuse, Dwight Gooden. Let's roll, fellas!

Popsicle is Ice. He's an old guy, therefore "Pops", plus "Ice" gave me Popsicle.I have a strange gift for doling out nicknames, I guess.

Team Temper Tantrum's Sidney Ponson has been charged with DUI.

We need a lefty out of the pen... therefore, Hamulack should be called up for Popsicle.

I had just finished explaining to my dad why he's the C/1B of the future with the Mets when he jacks one to deep right. I nearly fainted with all of the excitement.

They named an award after him. That should be enough. If anything, the 3,000-hit club should be nicknamed the "Clemente Club", as he's the gatekeeper with exactly 3,000 hits, but that's it.

Seo 2.5Jacobs 2.5Wright 2Reyes 2Castro .25Diaz .25Matsui .25Heilman .25

G'night. Too tired to revel much more...

Great game, and great bloody thread.Classic on all counts.

Mets are now 66-60.

And it's FINAL.Mets 18.Diamondbacks 4.Or:Mike Jacobs 5.Diamondbacks 4.

Jacobs can hit, field, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!

I just had a vision... remember the movie Angels in the Outfield?Casey in the Outfield going on in Arizona.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MIKE JACOBS HITS ANOTHER HOME RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here comes the Jake!!!!!!

Matsui kinda sorta redeems his bad throw with a good throw.

Congrats to Shawn Green on HR #300.Don't count against Heilman none.

I love this team.

Dumbo gets a hit.Ice, Ice, Baby at the bat.

Matsui gets hit - wait, why him?Whatever, here comes Dumbo.

Ok, Jose. Just get a double and you're good.

Seo getting tired?Whatever. I'm numb.

Kelly Stinnett hasn't thrown out a single runner this year. Wow.