The Edge of Seventeen: Tom Gorzelanny

[Edgy MD]

You know who I came up with? Zach Duke, that's who. Both of us Pirates. Both of us lefties. Both of us starters. Both of us still with impossibly boyish faces a dozen years into our respective careers. Wait ... that's just me.

Now both of us are relievers. That's been the second act for both of us. But Zach has been getting progressively better at it, but me, not so much. So I'm trying to learn to do what he's been doing. Drop the ol' arm down and bring it from 3:00. It's what they call a work in progress. And to look at the start of my spring training, it's a work that hasn't worked yet.

But you know, it's still early March. Back in the day, the exhibition schedule would be starting around March 5. What it's gonna look like April 5, May 5, June 5 ... October 5 — that's what matters.

So what's it gonna look like?

[fimg=230]http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/399127/tomgorzelanny.jpg[/fimg] [fimg=250]http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/tom-gorzelanny-of-the-new-york-mets-poses-during-photo-day-on-22-picture-id646019220?s=594x594[/fimg] [fimg=250]http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/tom-gorzelanny-of-the-new-york-mets-pitches-in-the-ninth-inning-of-a-picture-id646003164[/fimg]
[fimg=738]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AvCd5TwBEpo/THlB55oCB5I/AAAAAAAAEPk/xbUdClScZfs/s1600/Gorzelanny_TJ.jpg[/fimg]

[A Boy Named Seo]

There's a cheese recipe called 'Gorzelanny' that's yet to be concocted. He doesn't make it through the spring with the us, and decides to hang 'em up and hit the lab with his farm full of goats and get to work on that white, chalky, crumbly salad garnish that people in the future will always ask for 'on the side'.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

He's not gonna make it.

Some Cardinals minor leaguer absolutely destroyed his very first delivery yesterday. I suppose he's got an outside chance to be a LH specialst in Vegas, but again, I think Gorzo should retire, go back to his wifey Lindsay and the boys

[Edgy MD]

Boyish face, but massive hands. He could pitch a decent-sized pumpkin with those hands.

You know, I see him in that position, with those enormous phalanges, and I'm thinking maybe he should try catcher.

[Guest sharpie]

You know, I see him in that position, with those enormous phalanges, and I'm thinking maybe he should try catcher.

Problem with that is that he is a career .092 hitter and in 251 plate appearances had no extra base hits.

He's gone by the end of the spring.

[Benjamin Grimm]

I know what "enormous phalanges" means, but it still sounds disgusting.

[Lefty Specialist]

I believe he has a March 24th opt-out clause in his contract to request his release. I say, 'please proceed, Mr. Gorzelanny'.

[MFS62]

Nice family.
I hope they are happy in some other city.

Later

[Guest d'Kong76]

Nothing Metly ever... wife has nice hips, er I mean smile...

[smg58]

Edgy MD wrote: Boyish face, but massive hands.

Not very presidential, in other words.

Minor league depth. Gets a call-up in September, and records one meaningful out in a pivotal extra-inning game.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

He has a shoulder injury.

[G-Fafif]

I just woke up from a dream in which "Tom Gorzelanny" was a candidate in a special state legislative election in my district and I told one of his telephone fundraisers to get lost.

Boy, has he had a lousy spring.