KTE: The Cubs And How They Might Be Swept

[G-Fafif]

The 15-23 New York Mets begin a series against the 17-23 Chicago Cubs Friday afternoon at 2:20, continuing Saturday at 1:05 and Sunday at 2:20. Three day games at Wrigley. Three chances to hear about ivy, about Ernie, about billy goats and Steve Bartman, about how hard it is to play day games, how great it is to have dinner at a reasonable hour. One of the joys of the schedule is knowing you�ll get these constants annually � though when we were in the same division, it wasn�t treated as a novelty...which may be why one of the irritants of the schedule is having just listened to the St. Louis version of the same thing, which boiled down to the Cardinals are wonderful.

Don�t have to worry about that with these Cubs. It doesn�t fit reality or the narrative.

Cubs ownership is making noises about leaving their ivy-covered burial ground (h/t Steve Goodman) unless their pockets get filled some more. Cubs haven�t won a world championship in 78 years more than the Mets haven�t yet they keep drawing people to Wrigley, so shut up with the threats, greedy bastards. You�re not going anywhere.

Who�s good on the 2013 Cubs? First baseman Anthony Rizzo is hitting plenty and getting paid tons. Left fielder Alfonso Soriano is getting paid tons and hitting lately. Center fielder David DeJesus and shortstop Starlin Castro are getting their offensive act together. Former competent Met outfielder/superb pinch-hitter Scott Hairston is a total bust thus far, but he kind of sucked early in his Met tenure, so give him time. Second baseman Darwin Barney is struggling well below .200, or way above Ike Davis. The closer is Kevin Gregg, erstwhile Marlin bad penny off whom Carlos Beltran hit a huge home run in 2008. Carlos Marmol continues to lurk and get paid for doing so.

Pitching matchups and The Happiest Recap episodes that serve as their potential precedent:

Friday: Matt Harvey (4-0, 1.44, cover of Sports Illustrated) vs. whoever � technically righty Edwin Jackson, who was part of a division winner last year and once pitched a no-hitter. He�s 1-5, has an ERA of 6.02 and, like the rest of humanity, is no Matt Harvey.

One possible outcome: Harvey handcuffs the Cubs on a one-hit complete game shutout as Gary Gentry did at Wrigley on May 13, 1970 (and the Mets actually score a run for Matt). Gentry carried a no-no into the eighth that Wednesday, the first meeting between the 1969 rivals. With two outs, Ernie Banks looped a fly ball into left. Dave Marshall got the tip of his glove on it (he must have transported himself to the future and borrowed it from Jonathon Niese) but couldn�t come up with it. Ruled a base hit, damn it. Gentry comes away a 4-0 winner on the fifth one-hitter in Mets history. Gosh, such great pitching on this team � Gentry, Seaver and Koosman would throw consecutive shutouts in the three-game span this gem kicked off � yet no Mets no-hitter as of 1970. One of these days, for sure!

Saturday: Jeremy Hefner (0-4, 4.61, with a voice that�s always cracking in interviews as if he�s decided the Mets� 0-8 record in his starts is attributable to his having sinned against his Lord) vs. righty Scott Feldman (3-3, 2.53).

One possible outcome: Hefner and Feldman are long gone in a tie game, as Terry Collins and Dale Sveum overwork their bullpens because that�s what ya do these days. It�s 3-3 in the tenth but then the Mets and Cubs re-enact the eleventh inning of their wild Wrigley Saturday afternoon of June 30, 1979: The Mets put up six in the top of the frame, fueled by a pair of two-run home runs and burnished by a two-run triple (the 34-year-old dingers were struck by Youngblood and Mazzilli, the three-bagger by Hendu). Comfortably ahead by six, Collins calls on Greg Burke just as Joe Torre called on Dale Murray. Murray, for whom my personal nickname that summer of Rocky II was �the master of disaster,� gave up a run-scoring single to Bill Buckner � good bat, shaky glove � and, eventually, a grand slam to ex-Met sensation Mike Vail. With help from Ed Glynn, the Mets hung on, 9-8, able to modestly enjoy the fact that they and the Cubs set a record for most combined runs scored � eleven � in any eleventh inning every played. This time? Hairston will pull the Cubs to within a run by slamming Anthony Recker (Collins took out Burke), but former Cub and current spokesman for baseball decorum LaTroy Hawkins will quell the uprising at last and give the Mets their hot mess of a win.

Sunday: Dillon Gee (2-5, 6.13, last seen tweeting good thoughts about tornadoes and his fellow Texans, so I won�t mention how absolutely horrible he�s been) vs. lefty Travis Wood (4-2, 2.03), who beat the Mets twice in the span of two weeks last season.

One possible outcome: With the wind blowing out, Gee and Wood last as many innings as they have syllables in their last names, and suddenly there is a harmonic convergence of runners across home plate, as was the case between the Mets and Cubs on Sunday, August 16, 1987, when the Mets gave up 10 runs, but nobody noticed because the Cubs gave up a Met-record 23. Back then, we scored three in the first, were up 4-0 in the third and ahead 7-0 in the fourth. And then it got really good. Before it was over, Strawberry scored five and drove in five; Dykstra batted seven times and collected four hits; Hernandez posted three hits and three runs; starting pitcher Darling scored twice; seven different Mets accumulated at least two RBIs; and Jeff Innis pinch-hit. Twenty-three runs is still the one-game Met record...until this Sunday when Ike busts out in a historic way. Let�s call it 24-9, Mets. And Valdespin will get plunked for hurting Marmol�s feelings when he performs an Olympics-quality somersault after his third triple of the day.

Or new history will be made, which would be OK, too, provided it�s the right kind of history.

Let's Go Mets! Eat it, Durocher, wherever you are.

[ashie62]

That made me laugh..well done.

It feels like the two worst teams in little league going at it..

[Edgy MD]

Don't miss the trees for the forest. The Mets are still awesome. And Harvinian.

I was thinking of the Brazell Game, the game that sank the 2004 Cubs, which special help from our newest bestest buddy LaTroy Hawkins.

[G-Fafif]

Edgy MD wrote: I was thinking of the Brazell Game, the game that sank the 2004 Cubs, which special help from our newest bestest buddy LaTroy Hawkins.

Limiting these KTE/THR precedents to @ Wrigley. When the Cubs come to town in June, there'll be Sheaness very soon.

[Frayed Knot]

... Three chances to hear about ivy, about Ernie, about billy goats and Steve Bartman, about how hard it is to play day games, how great it is to have dinner at a reasonable hour.

Gary, yesterday, threw out the line that the most dangerous scheduling in baseball is a day game following a day game in Chicago.
And this weekend the Mets will be put in such peril twice.

[Edgy MD]

I'm not sure I get this. Is the implication that the players had 10 hours to drink and carouse the evening before --- instead of the standard four --- before needing to report by 10 AM for the game?

[Guest Swan Swan H]

Edgy MD wrote: I'm not sure I get this. Is the implication that the players had 10 hours to drink and carouse the evening before --- instead of the standard four --- before needing to report by 10 AM for the game?

You get it.

[batmagadanleadoff]

[Edgy MD]

There's the duck that has defined Greg's life.

Got a foreshadowing of team's new caps there, it looks like. The early, illustrated Mr. Met does also.

[MFS62]

Did you have the answers before you looked in the envelope for the questions, oh Swami?

Good job.
Later

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

This will be the ultimate test for Hard-Drinkin' Ike Davis.

[G-Fafif]

Son of a buck, that's my duck. My first look at him in 44 years. I still like his chances over the bear.

Stick with BML: part man, part time machine.

[batmagadanleadoff]

[ashie62]

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: This will be the ultimate test for Hard-Drinkin' Ike Davis.

His favorite inning has to be the bottom of the fifth...

[Zvon]

GJ, thank you. Well, I haven't read it yet, will during the game. If I don't return to bitch it stands as a good job.

[Zvon]

Not returning to bitch but give extra credit for the "possible outcome" bit. When was that last time I read the name Dave Marshall? He'd give Recker a run in the looks dept.

[Edgy MD]

I love that Recker and I have gotten you all to open up about your sexuality today. It's going to be a good weekend!

[G-Fafif]

Zvon wrote: Not returning to bitch but give extra credit for the "possible outcome" bit. When was that last time I read the name Dave Marshall? He'd give Recker a run in the looks dept.

Glad you enjoyed, Z.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Steeped in leafy history, like a steamy, relaxing cup of Woody English Breakfast, or Earl Grace.