Morbidity Humor Thread

[Guest ABG]

I was reading some of the Duque stuff, and was wondering what could go wrong next. That set off some morbid humor somewhere.

]BY DAVID LENNON Newsday Staff Writer October 4, 2006, 11:49 AM EDT Mets first baseman Carlos Delgado was hit by a pitch in batting practice and is having x-rays on his left index finger, a source within the organization said. His status for today's game is doubtful and he is questionable for the rest of the NLDS.

] BY DAVID LENNON Newsday Staff Writer October 4, 2006, 11:49 AM EDT Mets shortstop Jose Reyes today suffered a mild concussion when a passing bird defacated on his head. He was taken to a local hospital for an MRI.

]BY DAVID LENNON Newsday Staff Writer October 4, 2006, 11:49 AM EDT Mets third baseman David Wright was killed by ingesting an elephant tranquilizer during batting practice. He was taken to a local hospital for tests, and is doubtful for Game 1.

Add your own, may as well laugh at this ridiculousness.

[MFS62]

]Mets shortstop Jose Reyes today suffered a mild concussion when a passing bird defacated on his head.

Where are Randy Johnson and Dave Winfield when we need tham?

Sorry, I will not provide an addition to this list.
Ya' never know......

Later

[Guest cooby]

I'd rather do one in reverse:

]BY Cooby, CPF Staff Pedro Martinez discovers that getting up on the opposite side of the bed than he usually does brings instant relief to his injuries. Will start Game 2 Thursday night.

[Guest Edgy DC]

A is for Aaron, who fell down the stairs.
B is for Beltran, assaulted by bears.

C is for Cliffy, who wasted away.
D for Delgado, thrown out of a sleigh.

E is for Endy, who choked on a peach.
F --- Feliciano --- sucked dry by a leech.

G is for Green, smothered under a rug.
H for Hernandez, done in by a thug.

I for Iriki. who drowned in a lake.
J is for Julio, took lye by mistake.

K for Kazuo, who was struck with an axe.
L is for Lindstrom, who swallowed some tacks.

M is for Milledge, swept out to sea.
N is for mcNab --- who died of ennui.

O is for Owens, run through with an awl.
P is for Pelfrey, trampled flat in a brawl.

Q for Quick Jose, who sank on a mire.
R is for Ring, consumed by a fire.

S is for Sanchez, who perished of fits.
T is for Trachsel, who flew into bits.

X is for Xavier, who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor, squashed under a train.

W is for Wagner, embedded in ice.
X is for Xavier, devoured by mice.

Y is for Yunir, whose head was knocked in.
Z for Zambrano, who drank too much gin.

[Guest Johnny Dickshot]

I like how Xavier gets killed twice.

ABG's first entry scared me

[Guest Edgy DC]

Oops. left out U.

[Guest cooby]

That's what he gets for getting traded

[Guest Edgy DC]

I guess the Mets will be spared any U tragedies. Nobody goes down the drain.

[Willets Point]

We shouldn't complain. I mean, the poor Yankees fans had to endure injuries all season long and had to watch in pain as their team only won the division by 10 games.

[A Boy Named Seo]

]By Boobs McSmiley Long Island City College Campus Rag October 4, 2006, 11:49 AM EDT Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca strained his lower back last night while "churning the butter" on the dance floor at popular campus hang-out "The Live Bait". Lo Duca is no stranger to "The Live Bait's" 18-and-over night, but on this occasion, the 34-year old veteran catcher appeared to overexhert himself while trying to keep up with sorority sisters Joann Martarella, 19-years old from East Brunswick, New Jersey, and Marisela Flores, 18-years old from Washington Heights. Said Flores of Lo Duca, "At first I said, 'Get away from me old man, you can't dance for sh*t!', but then I found out he plays baseball and we drank rum runners and danced all night. He's so sweet and dresses real good." At Lo Duca's request, several football players from the school's team attempted to carry him off the dance floor after he sustained his injury, but the group was sidetracked when starting fullback Todd Haney spotted a group doing a keg stand behind the bar. Said Haney, "I told him, 'Dude, you should do a keg stand, you should totally fu**ing do it!' and he said 'Okay, it's not like I'll need to stand up for it', but he totally sucked at it. He had like three gulps and he started gagging. Such a pu**y." X-rays on Lo Duca were negative, but he'll likely miss Game 1 of the National League Division Series today at Shea Stadium. Club officials, however, said to expect him to be ready for action for Thursday's "Ladies Night".

[Guest cooby]

Had to long in and say...


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Guest Rockin' Doc]

ABG - "Mets third baseman David Wright was killed by ingesting an elephant tranquilizer during batting practice. He was taken to a local hospital for tests, and is doubtful for Game 1."

Generally the testing they would do after death would be called an autopsy. I know Wright is young and in good shape, but if he is only listed as doubtful for game one after being killed, his recuperative powers are far greater than I would have thought.