The Onion--"Mets Vow To Win One More Game Next Year'

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After a record-setting collapse which saw the stunned New York Mets squander a seven-game lead with only 17 games left to play in the season and allowed themselves to be eliminated from the playoffs by a single game, manager Willie Randolph vowed that the Mets would in fact win "one more game" in 2008. "Our problem was clearly that we won only 88 games while the Phillies won 89," said the visibly agitated Randolph moments after a season-ending 7-1 loss to the lowly Florida Marlins. "Next year, we'll just win 89 games, not 88, which is not enough wins. Or maybe we will win one of our games against the Phillies, ideally at Shea, in September, when we have a six-and-a-half game lead. Instead of getting swept. That way we'd just barely win the division outright. Yes. Yes. That's what we'll do. That's exactly what we'll do." When asked to comment on his manager's decision, third baseman David Wright remained crouched in a corner, rocking back and forth and humming tunelessly to himself.

[metsmarathon]

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