Yanx to get Sidney Ponson

[Frayed Knot]

Claimed off waivers according to WFAN

The MFYs were in 5th starter hell after the collaspses of last year's heroes Aaron Small & Shawn Chacon so I guess he'll be slotted in right away.
Ponson has been famously under-acheiving, overweight, over-imbimbing, and occasionally under arrest in the last few years, mostly in Baltimore.

He had started off (relatively) well with the Cards this season but not so much lately it seems and was waived.

[Guest Edgy DC]

The class parade continues.

[Guest Johnny Dickshot]

"This fulfills our need for an obese antisocial alcoholic we've been missing since David Wells left us," Cashman said in a statement. "Looking the other way while our players drink to excess and abuse drugs is a Yankee Tradition dating back to the Big Bambino."

[Guest Edgy DC]

You know, a lot of athletes have done a lot of stupd things, but Ponson punching out a judge on Christmas at the beach, and then fleeing the scene (like anybody can't pick Ponson out of a lineup) gets some serious points for originality.

As does his bizarre apology: ""I would like to apologize to everybody, but especially to the young people of Aruba, who always considered me their role model. I'm very sorry for what took place and I would surely never let this happen again.''

[Guest silverdsl]

Not only punched the judge in Aruba but followed it up by getting into a drunken fight that spring training and then had three DUIs in less than a year. Then there's the little matter of how he pitched so badly that he was dumped out of the Cardinal's rotation, sent to the bullpen, then released. It cost the Yankees very little, but I'm disappointed with this signing.

[Guest Edgy DC]

It's just so bizarre that it could be a Johnny Cash song

I've been a glutton for sin and a glutton for ale

I've lost three jobs as I've tipped the scale

Been drunk as a fish and as fat as a whale

Jesus, won't you carry me home?

I punched out a judge Christmas Day at the beach

I scored as high as the DUI meter could reach

Oh children, don't you learn from the lessons I teach

Jesus, won't you carry me home?

Jesus

Oh, Jesus

To you, my sins are known

And if I'm ever to be saved, I must first be George's slave

Oh Jesus, won't you carry me home?

A two-time Oriole, a Giant, a Card

Three years ago I briefly starred

They lie 'bout my weight on my baseball card

Jesus, won't you carry me home?

As they struggled through 2003

The O's dealt me for Giants three

Combined, they all weighed less than me

Jesus, won't you carry me home?

Jesus

Oh, Jesus

To you, my sins are known

And if I'm ever to be saved, I must first be George's slave

Oh Jesus, won't you carry me home?

Nevin blocked a deal, that primadonna

I missed out on San Diego and Tijuana

I stilll dream of tequila and marijuana

Oh Jesus, won't you carry me home?

They've let me play the same ol' tricks

Hell, I've been knighted by Queen Beatrix

Now I'm George's bitch, I'm in a fix

Jesus, won't you carry me home?

Jesus

Oh, Jesus

To you, my sins are known

And if I'm ever to be saved, I must first be George's slave

Oh Jesus, won't you carry me home?

Now I've sung to you my story, from my pinstriped Purgatory.

Oh Jesus...

Won't you carry...

Me home?

[Guest cleonjones11]

THE POLYNESIAN PANTLOAD

BE AFRAID VERY AFRAID...

[Guest sharpie]

]Nevin blocked a deal, that primadonna I missed out on San Diego and Tijuana I stilll dream of tequila and marijuana Oh Jesus, won't you carry me home?

Brilliant, Edgy, brilliant.

[Guest Rockin' Doc]

Edgy with an instant classic.

[Frayed Knot]

cleonjones11 wrote: THE POLYNESIAN PANTLOAD

Y'know if Ponson were actually Polynesian (instead of being from about as far away from Polynesia as one can get) this had the chance to be somewhat humorous.

But alas!

[soupcan]

The 'Corpulent Carib'?

[Methead]

The Grand Poobah from Aruba?

[Willets Point]

With his arrest record and Aruba connections I'm surprised no one's pinned the Natalee Holloway abduction on him.

SC=100

[Guest Edgy DC]

Get in mah belly!

[MFS62]

I just realized something. When I flew over Aruba a few years ago prior to landing, the pilot pointed out that the island was devoid of greenery except for one golf course. I didn't see any baseball fields there. Where did Ponson and Andruw learn to play the game? And if the fields are just dirt, the kids must have to deal with some tricky hops. I wonder why more infielders haven't emerged from there into US baseball (minors and majors).

About Queen Beatrix, when I worked at Emery Air Freight, she came thisclose to permanently suspending operations at the Maastrict Airport (The Emery European hub) because the flights sometimes came in later than their noise laws permitted. Old man Emery had to visit her personally to plead for her to reconsider. She eventually did.

Later

[Guest Edgy DC]

Andruw Jones is from Cura�ao.

There are plenty of ballfields, but they're pretty much dirt lots, as the island is pretty much a desert in the ocean. It's the size of Washington DC and I think there are three big leaguers from there.

[MFS62]

Edgy DC wrote: Andruw Jones is from Curaçao.

Better ballfields?
Same Queen.

Later

[Guest Rockin' Doc]

Sidney Ponson's career makes me think of Dean Wormer. I can almost hear him now.

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to make it in the majors"

[Guest Rotblatt]

Edgy DC wrote: Get in mah belly!

Out of all the zingers in this thread, Edgy, that's the one that actually made me laugh out loud.