Can Geico really save you 15% in 15 minutes?

[Frayed Knot]

... Does Gary Cohen think Orlando Cabrera is a winner?
[followed by a lengthy montage of Gary talking up O.C.]


Write your own Mets-related Geico commercial in the 'Does Charlie Daniels play a mean fiddle?' style.

[Guest themetfairy]

Does Keith Hernandez love keeping a scorecard in all the colors of the rainbow?

[Cut to a shot of Keith and all of his markers, preferably during an extra-innings game]

[G-Fafif]

Is Fernando Nieve really still on the New York Mets?

[Cue security hassling Nieve for ID while his teammates walk into the clubhouse unmolested.]

[Gwreck]

Does Jerry Manuel have no clue how to manage a bullpen?
[cut to montage of Jerry running out of dugout signaling to the pen, and then shots of Nieve giving up homers, Rodriguez blowing save, etc.]

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Is Pedro Feliciano pitching today?

[Cut to shot of bear shitting in woods... then walking a pair of light-hitting squirrels before giving way to another, more demonstrative bear in goggles.]

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Can Charlie Daniels engage in borderline retarded political discourse?

(cue to him reading aloud from his blog).

http://www.charliedaniels.com/soapbox-2010/soapbox-2010-main.htm

[Guest Edgy DC]

Now why'd you have to go and do that?

For the first time in my life, I am seriously worried about the future of the United States of America, and not just about the wars we're fighting, the economic and ecological disasters we're currently going through, the shrinking dollar or swelling entitlement rolls. While the combination of the aforementioned are definitely sources of deep worry for me, they are only symptoms of an even a deeper and darker reason for my anxiety, and that is the bottomless precipice the U.S.A. keeps inching closer to.

That's the way you do it, son.

Seriously, Charlie, "bottomless precipice"?

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Country on the precipice, run boys, run!

(Fiddlefiddlefiddle, fiddlefiddlefiddle)

Global warming is a big fick-shun!

(More righteous fiddlin')

Teens are fornicatin', browns at the doh'!

(More, vaguely xenophobic fiddlin')

Abortions handed out by married 'mos!

(Whirlwind of fiddle, ending in hootenanny of cleansing fire)

[Zvon]

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

Lunchpail is asking me why I'm laughing so hard.

That Charlie Daniels stuff is Gold.

[Theoldmole]

The last line of my Charlie Daniels entry in The New Country Music Encyclopedia:

A 'Simple man'? Simpleton is more like it.