Fire Joe Morgan... REUNION?

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

DAK, Junior... and Ken Tremendous? Writing? And not low-to-medium-funny jokes about Amy Poehler building a park? About bad baseball writing? ONLINE?

Yes and yes. All day on Deadspin today. (I'm about 98 percent ecstatic, and 2 percent weirded out by how ecstatic I am over this.)

[Guest Edgy DC]

http://deadspin.com/5360398/in-a-time-of-mourning-our-nation-turns-its-eyes-to-jair-jurrjens

Stupendous.

[ashie62]

Cody Ross should write a blog

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Cody Ross should write a blog[/quote:od4lqa87]

On 9/11:
"That was awful. It's a sad day for plane people, and building people, and everybody. You heart's got to go out to everyone. Someone should definitely do something about this stuff. I am so pissed. This is right up there with Watergate and wars."

On the first shots of the Iraq war:
"If I were from Iraq, I'd be taken aback by all this. I mean, this is huge. They've got a lot of people, and they've been around a lot of years. And then you've got that Saddam guy. This is, like, up there."

On Obama's election:
"It's a good day for political people, and all people. He's, like, a dude who worked hard. He's held positions, and has a family and whatnot. You gotta feel good for him. He's like the Barry Bonds of elections."

[metirish]

Cody Ross should write a blog[/quote:2hiy2zzz]

On 9/11:
"That was awful. It's a sad day for plane people, and building people, and everybody. You heart's got to go out to everyone. Someone should definitely do something about this stuff. I am so pissed. This is right up there with Watergate and wars."

On the first shots of the Iraq war:
"If I were from Iraq, I'd be taken aback by all this. I mean, this is huge. They've got a lot of people, and they've been around a lot of years. And then you've got that Saddam guy. This is, like, up there."

On Obama's election:
"It's a good day for political people, and all people. He's, like, a dude who worked hard. He's held positions, and has a family and whatnot. You gotta feel good for him. He's like the Barry Bonds of elections."[/quote:2hiy2zzz]


I'm dying over here...hilarious, and the Deadspin was brilliant.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Fresh fish!

http://deadspin.com/5360440/jesus-is-the-derek-jeter-of-christianity

(This is like, sarcastic Christmas. I'm tearing up.)

[Guest themetfairy]

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Fresh fish!

http://deadspin.com/5360440/jesus-is-the-derek-jeter-of-christianity

(This is like, sarcastic Christmas. I'm tearing up.)[/quote:ea44vr6s]

ROFL!

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

The highlight.

But this year, according to John Dewan, author of "The Fielding Bible," "Derek Jeter is having the best year defensively since I began tracking him with defensive metrics in 2003." Good to know. Keep in mind, of course, that "the best defense of Derek Jeter's life" ranks somewhere in between "the best fiscal responsibility of Mike Tyson's life" and "the best not-getting-assassinated-ness of James Garfield's life."

Today, I'm Chris Farley doing celebrity interviews. Except I'm doing less work.

[metirish]

The highlight.

But this year, according to John Dewan, author of "The Fielding Bible," "Derek Jeter is having the best year defensively since I began tracking him with defensive metrics in 2003." Good to know. Keep in mind, of course, that "the best defense of Derek Jeter's life" ranks somewhere in between "the best fiscal responsibility of Mike Tyson's life" and "the best not-getting-assassinated-ness of James Garfield's life."

Today, I'm Chris Farley doing celebrity interviews. Except I'm doing less work.

[Methead]

I'm gonna laugh about ***SWOON-BONER-SWOON!!!*** for years.

YEARS.

[Centerfield]

That was like the best article ever. I love it.

I especially liked the bit about the inspirationamometer and a professionalismfantasmatron. I'll remember that every time someone makes the argument that:

1. There are certain things like grit, toughness, class and a desire to win that cannot be measured or quantified, and
2. Derek Jeter leads the league in these categories

[Guest Edgy DC]

I like Barra's ability to simultaneously dismiss defensive metrics for the past years when they didn't support Jeter's performance and embrace them this year when they do.

[Frayed Knot]

I like Barra's ability to simultaneously dismiss defensive metrics for the past years when they didn't support Jeter's performance and embrace them this year when they do.[/quote:23oosplm]


MFY Fan: 'Jeter's great, just look at all the numbers he's racking up!'
Reply: 'Well, what about these numbers that say he's not so great?'
MFY Fan: 'Jeter's game isn't about numbers!'

[Centerfield]

Joe Mauer, meanwhile, issued a different statement to the press after going 2-4 with a walk against the Cleveland Indians. "Fuck the World Series," said Mauer. "Seriously. Write that down. Fuck the World Series. If I ever win a World Series ring, I will literally just take it and fuck the tiny ring-hole." Mauer punctuated his remarks with a graphic, thrusting pantomime, presumably of what he would physically do to the World Series ring.

It should not be legal to be this funny.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

There are a few others worth perusing-- they "guest-edited" the entire day.

http://deadspin.com/5360379/the-utterance-of-this-word-should-be-punishable-by-death

http://deadspin.com/5360491/the-exception-that-proves-exactly-nothing

http://deadspin.com/5360495/what+if-the-what+if

The first Jeter and the MJ/Farrah ones are probably the pinnacle of their effort, though.

[Frayed Knot]

People of mlb.com, here's what I'm thinking: It makes as much sense to ask Joe Maddon about the death of Farrah Fawcett as it does to ask Jaclyn Smith about the death of Nick Adenhart.

[G-Fafif]

People of mlb.com, here's what I'm thinking: It makes as much sense to ask Joe Maddon about the death of Farrah Fawcett as it does to ask Jaclyn Smith about the death of Nick Adenhart.