Ten things I learned from Die Hard last night

[Edgy MD]

1. Germans are clinically cool, fashionably dressed, murderous bastards.
   
2. Long-haired men, too. Corrupt to the soul.
   
3. Biggest threat to civilization? Scumbags.
   
4. Cops could carry handguns on planes back in 1988. Didn't know that.
   
5. The media are spineless parasites. All of them.
   
6. Society would be safe if they just let good cops do their jobs and fuck peple up. They know who the scumbags are.
   
7. Cops, man --- the good ones are kept down by the asshole brass who supervise them.
   
8. The Japs can build a big financial giant. But they're not ready to find out how things really go down in the U.S. of A.
   
9. The sixties of Mad Men had nothing on the eighties. You want to have sex or do some blow during an office party? Just go eight feet down the hall and do it in a vice president's office. She won't mind. Neither will the president and founder when they catch you in the act.
   
10. If you call the police and report the headquarters of a multinational corporation is under attack, they won't take you seriously and will tell you to hang up. Better to blow out the first three floors of the building with a few bricks fo C-4. That'll show those impotent assholes sitting on their ass while good people are dying.

1988 was a funnier year than I appreciated.

[Guest John Cougar Lunchbucket]

11. The FBI is predictable and easy to trick. Both good guys and bad guys know this.
12. Germans are natural born badass terrorists but when you need a safe cracked, go to a black American guy.

[Guest LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr]

13. There is no amount of alcohol consumption, badly-handled personal matters, or off-duty/out-of-jurisdiction brutality that will get a man fired from the NYPD.

[Edgy MD]

Hey, whoah, those are lessons from subsequent Die Hard movies.

(Also, they're too close to true for comfort.)