Edgy MD

The only other bike-messenger-as-protagonist film I know of, 1986's Quicksilver, also featured a hero on fixed-gear bike. Except that was set in San Francisco, and I feel my back muscles shredding at just the idea of riding around San Fran on a fixed-gear bike.

Can you rank those? OE: Hey, wait. I know you saw Safety Not Guaranteed.

I went to a multiplex last weekend to see The Hobbit: An Unexpected Turkey, and walking around the lobby, virtually every poster and cardboard cutout features somebody pointing a big sexy gun at me. At least three of the previews shown before Bilbo and Thorin go to Erebor were set amidst an apocalyptic scenario. You see a film in the wake of Sandy Hook, you can't avoid it.

What I saw, in order of goodness: Moonrise Kingdom Safety Not Guaranteed John Carter Brave Battleship The Amazing Spider-man The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey The Avengers Salmon Fishing in the Yemen Trouble with the Curve * * * Plus: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Ruby Sparks Basically, I didn't see anything all that wonderful. The best new film I saw was on the plane coming back from Africa, but it was a French film that didn't get a stateside release. What I missed, in alphabetical order: [Rec] 3: Genesis 10 Years 17 Girls 21 Jump Street 30 Beats 4:44 Last Day on Earth 5 Broken Cameras 6 Month Rule A Cat in Paris A Little Bit of Heaven A Royal Affair A Thousand Words About Cherry Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Act of Valor Addicted to Fame Albatross Alex Cross All In: the Poker Movie All In: the Poker Movie American Reunion Americano Amour Anna Karenina Any Day Now Arbitrage Argo ATM Attenberg Bachelorette Backwards Bad Ass Bangkok Revenge Barfi! Battlefield America Beauty and the Beast 3D Being Flynn Bel Ami Beloved Bernie Beware of Mr. Baker Big Miracle Blue Like Jazz Brake Branded Bringing Up Bobby Bully Butter California Solo Casa De Mi Padre Celeste and Jesse Forever Chasing Mavericks Chernobyl Diaries Chicken with Plums Chico & Rita Chimpanzee Chronicle Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away Cloud Atlas Comes a Bright Day Comic-Con: Episode IV: a Fan's Hope Compliance Contraband Coriolanus Cosmopolis Damsels in Distress Dark Horse Dark Shadows Dark Tide Darling Companion Deadfall Detachment Detention Detropia Diana Vreeland: the Eye Has to Travel Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Django Unchained Don't Go in the Woods Dr. Seuss' the Lorax Dragon Dredd Ek Tha Tiger Elena Elena End of Watch Excuse Me for Living Extraterrestrial Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Farewell, My Queen Finding Nemo 3D First Position Flight Flying Swords of Dragon Gate Footnote For a Good Time, Call... For Ellen For Greater Glory For the Love of Money Francine Frankenweenie Freelancers Fun Size Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance Girl Model Gone Good Deeds Goodbye First Love Goon Grassroots Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai Haywire Headhunters Hecho En Mexico Hello I Must Be Going Here Here Comes the Boom Hermano Hick High School Hit and Run Hit So Hard Hitchcock Holy Motors Hope Springs Hotel Transylvania House at the End of the Street How to Grow a Band How to Survive a Plague Hyde Park on Hudson Hysteria Ice Age: Continental Drift In Darkness Intruders Jack Reacher Jeff, Who Lives at Home Jesus Henry Christ Jiro Dreams of Sushi Journey 2: the Mysterious Island Joyful Noise Katy Perry: Part of Me Keep the Lights On Keyhole Kill List Killer Joe Killing Them Softly Kumare L!fe Happens Last Call at the Oasis Last Ounce of Courage Lawless Les Miserables Liberal Arts Life of Pi Lincoln Little Birds Little White Lies Lockout LOL Lola Versus Looper (They made a film about Braden Looper?) Loosies Love Birds Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted Madea's Witness Protection Magic Mike Man on a Ledge Marley Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God MIB 3 Middle of Nowhere Mirror Mirror Miss Bala Monsieur Lazhar Monsters, Inc. 3D Musical Chairs My Uncle Rafael Nate & Margaret Not Born to Be Gladiators Not Fade Away October Baby On the Road Once Upon a Time in Anatolia One for the Money Paranormal Activity 4 ParaNorman Parental Guidance Patagonia Rising Peace, Love & Misunderstanding People Like Us Perfect Sense Piranha 3DD Pitch Perfect Playback Playing for Keeps Polisse Post Mortem Premium Rush Price Check Project X Prometheus Promised Land Pusher Rampart Red Dawn Red Hook Summer Red Lights Red Tails Resident Evil: Retribution Return Rise of the Guardians Robot & Frank Rock of Ages Ruby Sparks Rust & Bone Safe Safe House Samsara Savages Seattle Seeking a Friend for the End of the World Seeking Justice Serving Up Richard Seven Psychopaths Side by Side Silent Hill: Revelation 3D Silent House Silent Night Sing Your Song Sinister Skyfall Sleepwalk with Me Smashed Snow White and the Huntsman Solomon Kane Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You Something from Nothing: the Art of Rap Sound of My Voice Sparkle Star Wars: Episode I - the Phantom Menace 3D Step Up 4 Stolen Surviving Proress Take This Waltz Taken 2 Talaash Ted Teddy Bear That's My Boy The Ambassador The Apparition The Assault The Awakening The Barrens The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel The Bourne Legacy The Cabin in the Woods The Campaign The Central Park Five The Cold Light of Day The Collection The Cup The Dark Knight Rises The Day The Deep Blue Sea The Devil Inside The Dictator The Divide The Do-deca-pentathlon The Expendables 2 The Eye of the Storm The Fitzgerald Family Christmas The Five Year Engagement The Flowers of War The Good Doctor The Grey The Guild Trip The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey The Hole The Hunger Games The Hunter The Inbetweeners The Innkeepers The Invisible War The Iron Lady The Island President The Lady The Lion of Judah The Loneliest Planet The Lucky One The Man with the Iron Fists The Master The Moth Diaries The Odd Life of Timothy Green The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure The Other Dream Team The Paperboy The Perfect Family The Perks of Being a Wallflower The Pirates! Band of Misfits The Possession The Queen of Versailles The Raid: Redemption The Raven The Runway The Samaritan The Sessions The Silver Linings Playbook The Tall Man The Three Stooges The Tortured The Trouble with Bliss The Turin Horse The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 The Vow The Waiting Room The Watch The Wicker Tree The Woman in Black The Woman in the Fifth The Words Thin Ice Think Like a Man This Is Forty This Means War This Must Be the Place Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie Titanic 3D To Rome with Love To the Arctic 3D Total Recall Touchback Toys in the Attic Trishna Turn Me On, Dammit! Twixt Unconditional Undefeated Underworld: Awakening Union Square Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning Virginia W.E. Wanderlust War of the Buttons We Have a Pope We Need to Talk About Kevin West of Memphis What to Expect When You're Expecting Why Stop Now Woman Thou Art Loosed!: on the 7th Day Won't Back Down Wrath of the Titans Wreck-It Ralph Wuthering Heights You May Not Kiss the Bride Your Sister's Sister Zero Dark Thirty

Dude, Madea's Witness Protection?

When either one is stuck for an idea, they can be counted on to go with the Eagles.

How is J.R.R. Tolkien like a classic rock DJ?

Hey, like Sauron's bringing the dwarves and elves and men together in opposition to his treachery, Jackson has forged a pretty solid alliance between Sage and myself here.

As I kinda suggest in my last sentence, absolutely.

I guess that means me. I'm going to vote three stars, allowing myself the possible option to upgrade on reflection to 3 1/2. But this really gets lost tone-wise. Adapted as it is from a young adulty novel with a lot of silly elements, it can't really allow Bilbo to slowly stumble out of his innocence, as the viewer has already seen the far darker story that unfolds from it. They give a long prologue --- voiced by Ian Holm as Bilbo, flashing back from the morning of the birthday party that started LotR, explaining the history of the dwarves under the mountain and the mountain's eventual loss, bloody and vicious and horrible and hateful. So when he gets to reciting the opening lines of the book --- "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort." --- it's silly. We all know about Hobbit holes, we know about the fantastic world of Middle Earth beyond Hobbit holes, and the story can never unfold for us as it's meant to --- with Bilbo's stumble from his innocent world of comfort and food to the dangerous world beyond. Even if there's single viewer who hasn't seen the LotR trilogy, director Peter Jackson makes clear that he hardly cares to maintain that pacing. Innocence is lost before Gandalf ever visits bag end. We know all about what's up the beanstalk before we ever know Jack. Jackson, as game as he is to create some impressive set pieces, is not game for doing the hard work of the imagination that it would take to restore that innocence. Pity. And when he does try --- restoring some of Tolkien's songs to the narratives --- it seems an embarrassing departure from what Jackson really wants to do, which is enter into darkenss, and cut some shit up with some awesome extreme fighting moves out of the Jedi handbook. Half the dwarves lack anything resembling the stout and foreshortened body type (and a few lack full beards) characteristic of the race. They made a commitment clearly to give Thorin Oakenshield the role of brooding swordsman that Aragorn ably fills in the LotR trilogy, but you know, he's a dwarf, and the traits that we find in his compatriots --- randy, stout, stouthearted, good in a tight spot, but awkward in a world full of taller creatures --- are absent in him. The dwarves really are pretty hapless in the first half of the novel, getting captured again and again before getting bailed our by Gandalf, or eventually Bilbo as he grows in his resources. One thing that really does work, and to some length is in the spirit of the book, is, ironically, material that's not from the book at all. We spend some time with Gandalf's brother wizard Radagast the Brown, who is briefly alluded to in the book but never appears, and only briefly appears in passing in the Lord of the Rings books. Taking from background on him in the Simarillion, and doing some liberal construction of their own, they create a figure that's part Green Man, part St. Francis, part St. Nicholas, and a little bit of the (also absent from the films) Tom Bombadil. Drawn through the woods on a sled pulled by Rhosgobel rabbits, with birds nesting (and pooping) in his hair, Radagast is a holy fool, tasked (apparently by the ancients) with looking after the flora and fauna of the forest, acutely sensitive to shadows and suffering in nature, and first to realize that something evil is afoot in Middle Earth. Bully to them for creating him, but it speaks to the inability to live of to the challenges of adaptation that the best thing they did is extra-canonical. As the dwarves pass through Rivendell, we re-meet some the timeless characters of the LotR trilogy, as Gandalf confers with Elrond, Galadriel, and Sarumon, but we already know the fates of these three, on the page and in film. How pointless it suddenly seems to care about them. Even Bilbo, who in the books falls in love with Rivendell's pleasures and keeps them in his heart until he returns in his aged years, seems to reflect the audience's been there done that attitude. I don't know how you go back to The Hobbit after The Lord of the Rings, but Jackson --- torn between the challenges to take us to an earlier, more innocent story line, and on the other hand improve on the cinematic spectacle of a decade ago --- doesn't really pull it off to my satisfaction. Maybe future generations blessed with the opportunity to see these films chronologically will feel differently.

You get 13 dwarves, a few trolls, a wizard, a sniveling imp, and a southearted furry-footed guy who likes to eat. Anybody see this yet?

Maybe. Hope so, I guess. Though who do we expect as of now to pass him? Bixler and Cowgill, I suppose. Wheeler, I hope. I just wonder how many times a week David Weathers logs on and goes, "Yeah, there I am --- right above Willie Mays."

Actually needed adoption for a while there, but according to his tweet and photo link, has been reunited with his big daddy UUU, released from prison after five years. Daddy looks like he stayed in condition, anyhow.

I knew Batman would go bad. It was only a matter of time.

Well-staffed? How about the expense account?

Swan Swan H wrote: I liked this a lot. Aubrey Plaza was excellent, and the ending surprised me in spite of myself. Jake Johnson is really good as well. Still digesting. I mostly approve. The unapologetic out-loud manchild writer seems to be quite the stock character these dayz.

Vic Sage wrote: And whatever else Bond movies are about, they are about Bond. Without a great Bond, you can't have a great Bond movie. I hope it's not won't be to willfully contrarian of me to say so, but the next great Bond movie will be the first.

Screaming blonde chick --- Ensign Rand?

Hancock just used his superfingernails.

Unfortunately, it rather does the opposite. [youtube:font4zgn]3zBnHCyrx6Q[/youtube:font4zgn]

I've seen them all done by bunnies. Does that count?

Yeah, just noting that. Not really demeriting them for it.

Jaws wasn't the villian, so much as the henchman/assassin. It was a theme in the earlier films to include an oddall assassin with a fetish for death and often a cartoonish M.O.: Kronstein, Oddjob, TeeHee, and Bambi and Thumper, among others. Jaws was part of a proud (though goofy) tradition.

Vic Sage wrote: Dalton was strong, and looked the part, but had the sexuality of a bachelor uncle. he was a "Ken doll" Bond. That honker, though. It gets everywhere (and I know whereof I speak). The angular features come across as too diabolical and less cool. Looks more like the handsome villain in a fantasy (as he was in The Rocketeer and Hot Fuzz) than the handsome hero. I think the Broccolis (Broccolini?) were trying to get Brosnan at this point but he couldn't get out of his TV commitments, so by the time he did get the role, he had only so many miles left.

Living Daylights brings me two assocations: (1) Tmothy Dalton able to kick people in the head and swing down off of roofs in stealth gear, after a lifetime accepting that Bond may have solid hand-to-hand fighting skills, but he's a little creaky. (2) The final single to chart in the US (#113 with a bullet) from a-ha. [youtube:31a45etb]WzV4WGoyl4Q[/youtube:31a45etb]